Radiation Underway

Body: 9 down, 16 to go!! The countdown continues. I'm 9 radiation treatments into a 25 treatment schedule. Sorry it has been so long since my last post. I have been getting emails and Facebook posts wondering what is happening.

So far the treatments are going well and there have been no noticeable side effects. There is a cumulative effect, so there may be some "surprises" waiting for me down the road. The doctor indicated that after treatment 10 I may begin to feel some effects. Thanks for praying.

I should finish up with all 25 treatments the day before Thanksgiving. Guess what I'll be thankful for this year!!

For those who are wondering about evaluating the effectiveness of these treatments, let me share the general schedule with you. I will not know anything new until the next PET scan which the oncologist says will take place in late December. The full effect of the radiation treatments won't be clear until three months after completion according to the radiologist. That's because there is inflammation which needs time to heal.

So, I feel I'm in a situation like the World War II pilots faced. The order to proceed with the mission has been given and we are under "total blackout" conditions until the mission is complete. There will be a couple months of "silence" while the mission proceeds and I'll be happy to give you results when there are any to share. Thanks for praying.

Spirit: The Right Words John 12:50

It is always so encouraging to speak a word and have confidence that it is exactly the right word for the situation. Jesus always had that feeling according to John 12:50, "So whatever I say is just what the Father has told Me to say." The reason He always had that feeling according to His own statement is not because He is God, but because He only said what the Father told Him to say. What's the difference? He IS God and He and the Father ARE one (John 10:30).

In one sense, they are the same; there is no difference, which is why I find Christ's statement interesting. The Godhead knows fully and communicates perfectly, so anything any One of them says is perfect. In another sense, though, there is a big difference and a significant instruction point for me. Jesus spoke only what the Father told Him to say. He listened and repeated. He didn't question, doubt, revise, re-word, shift or clarify. He just stated and repeated. His great concern was to hear His Father's voice...and repeat what the Father said. If that was important for Jesus here on earth, how much more important is it for me?

The closer I stick to the Word, the more confidence I'll have in what I say. The more His Word fills my life, the more it shapes my attitudes and words...and the more confidence I can have in their worth, accuracy and helpfulness; even when they are words of confrontation. This time I spend each morning in the Word is the most important time and appointment I have all day because it prepares me to speak with confidence in a variety of contexts.

"Lord, thank you for this time in Your Word. May I pay close attention so that Your truth permeates my being. I want to have something to say which reflects Your Word deeply etched into my soul."

A New Chapter

Body: As many of you know, I am heading into a new chapter in this battle with cancer. It is the radiation chapter. I have had a lot of questions about this chapter and was able to have a meeting with my oncologist of the past three years today. It was a very helpful meeting for me and I share some of the details with you.

Chemo has taken me almost as far as it is able. There are one or two more things that could be tried, but this cancer is just very resistant to most of the chemos that are available. What was very encouraging to me is that the doctor spoke with the radiologist and has great confidence in his training and skill to do the work that needs to be done. Also, the doctor is confident that even though the cancer has grown significantly, the type of radiation being given will be broad enough to encompass the entire area affected. Also, thus far, the resistant cancer appears to be localized in a relatively small area so the radiation may be very effective in removing it.

Two prayer requests as I start this journey on Wednesday: first, pray that the radiation would be effective in destroying the cancer it is targeting. There are situations where it is resistant even to radiation. Second, pray that the cancer is truly localized and when destroyed doesn't "spring up" in another spot at another time.

Thanks!!

Spirit: "Your Son Will Live" John 4:50

A distraught father seeks whatever help he can find for his dying son. The situation is grave and he has heard that the Man who is said to have turned water into wine some time ago has returned to Cana of Galilee. His home in Capernaum is not that far from Cana. It wouldn't matter if it was much further!! It couldn't hurt -- a last ditch effort to save his son -- so he goes to request a miracle of Jesus.

As this man pours out his heart to Jesus, he requests that Jesus come to Capernaum to heal his son. In His response, Jesus shares His concern with His growing popularity, "Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders you will never believe." The crowds are looking for signs and wonders; Jesus is looking for faith.

Jesus finds just the right way to perform a miracle to meet the need of this man AND at the same time, grow the man's faith. Jesus says, "You may go. Your son will live." This wasn't the plan the father had in mind. Jesus was supposed to accompany him to Capernaum and heal his son. Now Jesus tells him to go home; that the son will live.

Do you see what Jesus has done? He has performed the miracle and at the same time challenged the man's faith. Will the father trust Jesus? The next sentence reads, "The man took Jesus at His word and departed." Faith grows in the father and his son is healed.

I really like the "son is healed" part of this story. I'm not as wild about the "faith grows" part...unless it is linked to the healing. Yet to Jesus, THAT is the most important part.

What has God been up to in this cancer? He knows I have cancer and that I desire healing. He could have kept this cancer from becoming aggressive. He could have healed me after one round of chemo. He certainly knows how unsettling the yo-yo of PET scan results is: bad, good, bad. Why isn't the radiation phase of treatment a "sure thing?" Do you see the issue? I'm just like that father. I keep pressing Him for the miracle. He keeps pressing for the trust.

So, will I "take Jesus at His word"? Will I exchange my priority for His? Will I trust Him and desire Him more than the miracle I seek? Will I exchange my natural desire of healing for His desire for faith growth?

Is my confidence based on doctors' prognoses, probabilities, skills, and treatment options? Or is it based on a look at the Savior's face knowing that He can heal -- no matter what the odds are?

The title of this blog is "Hope Does Not Disappoint." Hope is faith projected into the future. Do I really believe that whatever He plans will be right, satisfying, good, and pleasing? Yes, I do!

"Please, Lord, help me in my struggle to believe, rest and wait on You. May Your priority of faith development shape my focus on healing. Help me to ask well, but trust better!"

Continuing to "Press On"

Thanks to so many who have been praying for me and my family today. It has been so encouraging to receive texts, emails, Facebook wall posts, etc. indicating that you have been standing with us in prayer. We continue to be grateful and in need of that prayer support.

Body: Today was the PET scan and blood test to see what progress I've been making in this cancer battle. The blood levels have risen slowly...nothing great, but slowly (I am definitely a "slow student"). The levels also explain why I still struggle with much exertion, climbing stairs, etc. The PET scan showed that the cancer is growing again. It is significantly larger than it was at the last PET scan, but a little smaller than it was two PET scans ago, when it really flared. It is definitely resistant to chemo and is determined to make life challenging. The good news is that it continues to be localized in my chest.

Radiation therapy will begin as soon as possible to contain it and remove it. I have an appointment for Tuesday with the radiologist and the process will begin. Also, I was told I'll get a "good dose" of radiation...meaning that it will be 4 - 5 weeks of daily treatment (5 days a week).

Certainly this isn't the news we were hoping for, but we are confident of the Lord's wisdom, love and purpose for our family in this process. To Him be the glory!

Spirit: "Great Peace" Psalm 119:165

Doesn't that sound good? Great Peace!! Not just peace, shalom, wholeness and rightness in every area of life, but GREAT peace. The picture in my mind is one of absolute stability, no matter what. This is an unflappable person -- no matter what comes their way. This is a person with awareness, perspective, confidence and a hopeful outlook. As the verse points out, "...nothing can make them stumble." That's stability!!

How do you get these things in a life? Are you born with it; is it a function of controlling circumstances; is it a matter of having deep pockets (lots of money) or right friends (in high places)? None of these can assure a person of great peace...or even peace! But what these things can't assure, God's Word can.

How can a book do that? It is Who wrote the book -- the All-Powerful, All-Knowing, Always Present, Creator God. It is what the book contains -- only that which is truthful, reliable and trustworthy. And, it is how that truth, applied to a life, changes a man and focuses his heart. The result: GREAT Peace!

I have proven to myself again this week that I have a long way to go in letting that Word of God change me so great peace controls me. There are so many ways I get tripped up. When I think I have one area mastered, another blind spot surfaces. What is really frustrating is repeat courses. "I already took that course!" But it is back and I blew it...time to repeat the course. Praise God for His forgiveness and that the offer of great peace is never taken off the table.

"Lord, I want the rest of my days to be days of great peace. May Your Word do its work and may I willingly submit to it and You."

Press On

Body: This has been a great week for me. I didn't have to go to Yale for anything...and I didn't miss the trips or the IV's. It was a week to get some rest and get ready for today. I was able to preach this morning for the first time in several weeks and I was grateful for the strength and opportunity to do it. It was too long for a communion meditation, but people slept quietly:-)

While my stamina is still in short supply, I have felt better as the week progressed and my appetite has increased as well. Foods are starting to taste pretty good:-) Sleeping has improved, so I am generally doing very well.

Tuesday is the "big day" as I head to Yale for a PET scan, blood tests, and a meeting with doctors for results of the PET scan. I would appreciate your prayers as I prepare my heart for whatever news is shared.

Spirit: I must tell you that as I approach what I hope is the end of the chemo and a transition to radiation, I am so very grateful for so many who have offered great encouragement to me and my family. Some of those kindnesses have been huge; some have been small; all have been appreciated.

When the chemo was getting pretty intense earlier this summer and I was really feeling pretty lousy, a friend from many years ago mentioned the song, "Press On" by Selah in a Facebook post. I quickly did a YouTube search and found it. I have played it over and over again. I believe it is a powerful song which speaks of focused resolve. The Apostle Paul possessed it (Phil 3:12-14) and I pray that my life will exemplify it someday as well. Take a listen; I believe you will be encouraged and challenged: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Bg2cJ5bw2k

Slow Progress

Body: Progress has been measured in millimeters, not meters in recent days. I just haven't felt well and it isn't one specific thing, it is several. Blood levels have continued to remain low after the initial encouragement with the white blood cells. The reason: they stopped the booster shots so they could see how my body was doing on its own in manufacturing whites, reds and platelets. And, it wasn't doing too well.

On Saturday, my heart was "acting up" with some irregular heartbeats due to the atrial fibrillation. I had to take one of the heart pills which "whacked" me pretty hard. Discouraging.

On Sunday I went in to Yale to check my blood levels and everything was down. So, they gave me a bag of blood which wiped me out for the rest of the day...very discouraging.

Yesterday I just felt lousy all day. Couldn't pin it down, but there were several things that just weren't right...even more discouraging.

Today, however, I went back to Yale for an echocardiogram (for the cardiologist) and for a blood levels check and for the first time in a long time everything was moving in the right direction. Not anything major, but small, definite progress. How grateful I was for this wonderful encouragement. I felt much better today and I don't have to go back until Friday for another blood test.

Also, I received word that my next PET scan will be on Tuesday, October 5, so I ask you to keep that in prayer.

Spirit: "Meanwhile, back at the ranch...."

In spite of some of the struggles of the past couple of weeks, I must tell you that I have been deeply ministered to and encouraged by the men of our church. In the midst of struggle, the Lord always knows how to bring encouragement. This past Saturday, twenty-four guys descended on our house with paint brushes, ladders, enthusiasm and hearts of gold. Seven-and- one-half hours later, the exterior of our house was painted -- trim and siding! What a great demonstration of love and concern for a brother who just couldn't do the work.

These guys worked hard and did excellent work. The house is beautiful and my family and I are so grateful. I've included some pictures of the event in progress so you can see the great blessing I received.

So there you have it; the body ministering to one another that God might be glorified and needs might be met.

Quick Update

Body: I am home!! I was able to come home last night after receiving two transfusions (reds and platelets) yesterday. It was great to be home.

But here is the exciting news (to me...act excited): Saturday's white cell count was .1; Sunday's was .2; Monday's was .8; and today, it was up to 2.7!! It appears those stem cells have found homes and are starting to do some work!! Thanks for rejoicing with me.

Spirit: I thank God for His faithfulness and this encouragement; His Name is near.

Continue to pray about the low grade fever with which I have struggled and the stabilizing of the blood levels (the reds and platelets, especially). Thanks so much.

Sunday Worship

Body: It has been more than a week since I last published an update...and the reason is simply that I outlined the process in the last blog and we have just been in the implementation phase, which takes time.

The intensive chemo was received last Wednesday and Thursday (Sept. 1 & 2); the stem cell transplant went well on Friday (Sept. 3). The doctors indicated that the following two weeks would be a challenge as the blood levels dropped and side effects were experienced.

I've found that to be true:-) as the blood levels did indeed drop to a point that by Wednesday (Sept. 8) I was hospitalized as a precautionary measure to prevent infection and to monitor my heart closely. And the hospital is where I've been since Wednesday!! It gets old being in a hospital, even one as fine as Yale-New Haven. Rooms and services are wonderful and the staff has been a joy to get to know...but I'd rather be home and in ministry.

Yesterday was a difficult day as the blood levels continued to be very low and my stomach was more upset than usual. However, today I have been feeling much better and even got to take a shower this morning! My port line was out for a couple of hours so I caught a real shower which felt great (now you know the real reason they wouldn't allow visitors:-)). Also this morning, I believe I saw the first signs of my body starting to recover. My white count went from .1 to .2 (that's a 100% increase!!)...small but real!

So the couple of days will determine the length of my sojourn here at Yale and I would appreciate you praying that those stem cells would find a nice home in my bone marrow and start to really go to work!!

Spirit: His Name Is Near Psalm 75:1

This passage has caught my eye before but it had special significance this morning as I was here in a hospital room and not with my church family at Calvary.

Asaph begins with the familiar theme of giving thanks to God. However, the reason he gives thanks is unexpected. The typical reasons for which I thank God are many: for His greatness; for His great works; for His forgiveness; for His loving kindness; for.... I could go on and on. But Asaph doesn't thank God directly for these. He gives thanks "for Your Name is near."

What an interesting statement. As I have reflected on it, two things stand out. First, is the issue of His constant presence. He is "near." I wasn't able to be in church this morning, but He was near as I worshiped Him in a hospital room. Meanwhile, my church family worshiped Him in Trumbull...and He was near. I received a text from Moses this afternoon and I think about the believers he led in worship in Pageri, New Sudan today...and God was near. There is no place any of us can go where He is not "near." How comforting and challenging...all at the same time.

Second, Asaph's choice of the phrase "Your Name" really is a very powerful expression which broadens the application of this passage. God's Names express truth about His character. Since He is infinite, there is no single Name that can fully describe Him. So, rather than pick one Name or "descriptor" of Him, which would limit his thanksgiving, Asaph includes them all, by using the general "Your Name."

So, whatever quality or characteristic of God was needed at any moment, Asaph could give thanks because THAT quality was near!! As I was in the hospital room this morning I could give thanks because the God who is Peace, the Healer, the Stronghold and the Encourager was near. And for each one who met in Trumbull today to worship, they could give thanks because the God who is the Refuge, the Shepherd, the Provider, the Banner, the All-Powerful One, the Rock, the Savior, the Faithful One was there with them...whatever their need.

"(I) give thanks to You, O God, (I) give thanks, for Your Name is near...." and that is sweet!!