Our Dad

Closing thoughts about our Dad from his three girls.

We grew up roaming the halls of this building. Running up and down the seemingly large staircase to the office labeled “Pastor Dave McIntyre.” To most, that was the title he was known by and the title most will remember him by, but to us, he was always Daddy first.

Our Dad taught us many things throughout our lives that have shaped who we are and who we still aspire to be. Some are serious but some are funny. Dad taught us to always be creative when it comes to Halloween costumes, and to never be afraid to laugh at yourself…even if that means the whole church gets to laugh along with the sermon illustration. He taught us it’s never a bad idea to have an absurd amount of jolly ranchers in your office and to never give up on our Dallas Cowboys and Michigan football teams. He taught us to have a healthy love of Sunday afternoon football, and to never interrupt with questions until commercials because he was in the “football zone.” He taught us how to stack wood properly, how to effectively rake leaves into a tarp, and how to cut the grass on a rider mower. (We learned how to avoid doing all three on our own) He tried to teach us to have a love of action movies, but we ended up usually watching something like Pride and Prejudice or You’ve Got Mail. Our Dad often rolled his eyes at his ridiculous girls, but we never felt more love than we did from our Daddy growing up.

In addition to all the funny life lessons, Dad taught us about integrity. Whether playing board games when we were children, or when we begged to go to China Town to buy fake coach purses, Dad always told us to live in a way that was pleasing to God. This integrity also bled into the way he treated people in his life. Dad was always honest and open with people who came to him in his office or approached him after church. There were times he couldn’t agree with their actions, or what they believed, but he always spoke the truth in love.

Throughout our lives Dad also lived out having a servant’s heart and made that something that we desired as well. No job was too small for Dad to do at Calvary Church. We remember stuffing bulletins on a Saturday night, turning off lights and securing the church after everyone had gone home, hosting numerous families for holidays, and even cleaning up coffee spills during Sunday School. Dad was a servant and throughout his life, made sure that we knew God’s desire for servant’s hearts as well.

It’s no secret that Dad had the gift of writing. Expressing himself through words is one of the main ways we can all remember him. As Dad wrote sermons, he poured out the words the Holy Spirit laid on his heart for the people of Calvary Church. We also benefitted from many a letter and short email or note that came our way during difficult moments as we grew up. Dad always seemed to know exactly what to say to express his love…and make us cry. We’ve recently realized that we’re not the only ones who received cards, emails, or letters during difficult moments. His writing always had an underlying note of love and this is another lesson we’ve learned from him. Dad loved people and showed that love in whatever way he could. We hope to continue to love in the way he loved…the way that Christ loved.

Most importantly, Dad taught us how to live as Christ would in our daily lives. Through his love for people, his solid and unwavering faith in his Savior, and his servant’s heart Dad tried to be Jesus and encouraged others to do the same. We would be remiss to not express Dad’s passion for Jesus Christ and his life’s mission to try and make sure that everyone else got to know Him as well. We never would have wished our father to have cancer, and worse yet, to die from it, but we also are continually amazed to see the amount of lives that Dad touched during his fight with the disease. Many a doctor, nurse, and random other patient was softly spoken to by Dad. He made them smile with his sense of humor and made them think as he witnessed to them through his words and actions. His heart’s desire to spread Christ has become our hearts desire. We want you all to see our Dad again, and to rejoice with us one day in heaven.

Our Dad is an amazing man. His legacy will live on in our lives and in many others as well. Some will remember his smile, others his voice as he led the church in song. There may be some that remember a specific sermon he gave, or a note or scripture he shared. For us, we remember the way he called us Squirt, Peanut, and Munchkin. We remember the sound of the garage door when he came home from work. We remember the way he laughed at a really funny story, and the way he held us when we cried. We remember holding his hand and we remember the way he would say, “I love you so much.” It was our honor and privilege to share our Dad with you and we’re glad we won’t be the only ones that remember him. We love you Daddy, we always will.

Calling Hours and Memorial Service for Dave will take place at Calvary Church, 498 White Plains Road, in Trumbull, Connecticut 06611.

Calling Hours: Friday, March 25, from 4:00 to 8:00 pm
Memorial Service: Saturday, March 26, at 1:00 pm

In lieu of flowers, contributions may be given to the Calvary Church Memorial Fund. These gifts in Dave's memory, will be used equally for The Sudan Project and the Calvary Church Building Fund.

It can be said of Dave.....

It can be said of Dave, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge, will award to me on that day....." (2 Timothy 4:7&8). Dave's battle with lymphoma came to an end early this morning as he went to be with Jesus. He is completely healed!

While this is a sad time we do not "grieve like people who have no hope." (1 Thessalonians 4:23)
We know that as he took his last breath on this earth, he was instantly being welcomed by his Father in heaven. He is rejoicing in the presence of his Savior.

At this point, no arrangements have been made but they will be posted when available. The family rests in Jesus at this difficult time. Please pray as arrangements are finalized and also for family who will be traveling.
Posted by Calvary Staff

The Journey Continues

Although Dave's health continues to decline, he is experiencing discomfort rather than the severe pain of the past months. Thank you for your continued prayers as this is a direct answer to prayer. The girls were at home this past weekend loving on their Dad and helping with his care. Hospice is helping provide more comfort for Dave. Krista and Elise will be returning on Wednesday to be with their Dad. They know his days on earth are coming to an end and they want to spend as much time with him as they can. Your prayers and many expressions of love continue to sustain the family. Please pray for: Krista's and Elise's flights home; relief from discomfort; a meaningful time with family in coming days; wisdom as they care for Dave each day.

Difficult days....

Well.....he's home! Somehow, "coming home from the hospital" has the connotation of someone getting better. However, right now, we as a family are trying to wrap our minds around the fact that Dave is not getting better. Even though the infection he had was successfully treated and even though he did get several units of blood and platelets during the 4 days he was at the hospital, he is still gradually losing his battle with cancer. This is no surprise to God; we know that God is sovereign and He will not take Dave home one day sooner than He originally planned. But we will confess that this is a very difficult time for us.....we were hoping to have our dad/husband around for many more years. We are totally trusting in God's plan, His timing and His will, knowing He is our LOVING heavenly Father and will see us through whatever lies before us. We don't walk this road alone....we're so thankful He is right beside us!

We have been so encouraged by the many ways you have reached out to us and we have been upheld by your prayers! In these difficult days that lie ahead, can we ask that you continue to hold us up in prayer and ask that God's strength, comfort and peace be ours? We would really appreciate that! Thank you again for your expressions of love!

~ Andrea and the girls

Quick update

Just got the word that Dave is going to be discharged from the hospital today. He does need some platelets and/or blood before leaving, but at least he will be able to come home when that is done. Again, thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers!

Update on Dave

Dave was admitted to the hospital on Sunday evening and is being treated for an infection. He is also receiving blood and platelets. At this point, it is not certain when he will be returning home but please continue to check this blog. His mother and brother are flying in today for a brief visit. Thank you for your continued prayers and expressions of love.

Where we are today...

This is Andrea posting this time. It is hard to believe that it’s been 2 weeks since our last post. In one sense, it has gone so quickly and in another, it seems like a very long time, with the days running together. It’s been a blur of activity – radiation treatments, trips back and forth to the hospital, family visits, doctor appointments, some “complications”, etc. We were very happy to see that the heart complication which necessitated a short hospital stay was taken care of by a new medication.

Thank you for your continued prayers, cards, emails, gifts, offers of help, etc. which remind us that we are part of the family of God and He is caring for us in more ways than we could ask or imagine through this difficult time. We are so humbled and blessed by your love and prayers!

Dave enjoyed a wonderful visit with his brother and sister last week. It was so great for us to reconnect with them as distance and the “grown up children stage” of our lives has prevented us from seeing them very much over the last several years. This weekend, we are so excited to have all three of our girls home again! We are soaking in every minute! Then, this next week, Dave’s brother is flying in with his mom for a few days. It is a flurry of activity, but time that will be well spent and very much needed.

I’d like to be able to report that things are going well and Dave’s strength is increasing, but that isn’t the case. While the radiation has provided relief of the lower back pain, we continue to have a “roller coaster” ride of physical symptoms and, as a result, emotions. There are good days and bad days; then there are better days and really awful days. It has been difficult to fight discouragement, but we are continually reminded of God’s sovereignty and His love.

So the big question is, “How is Dave doing?” Physically, the cancer is spreading and causing many complications. His mobility has still not returned. Although the radiation has removed the cancer from the lower spinal cord/nerve endings, the doctor said that nerves can take a while to mend and it will probably be a while before he can stand/walk again. We are trying to work on exercises to keep the muscle tone in his legs.

The radiation and some of the meds he needs upset his stomach and he doesn’t feel much like eating. His weight is down, but we are pumping down as much good food in him as we can get, bits at a time. Some of the medication also impedes his concentration, making writing emails or having long conversations difficult for him. Recently, he started with some lightheadedness and dizziness, causing difficulty focusing his eyes as well as a nauseous feeling.

We thought some of the meds and/or low blood counts were causing this dizziness but both were ruled out on an MRI of his head this past Thursday. Results showed that there is cancer involvement in the brain. He began radiation treatment to the head the same day. This should help alleviate the dizziness and allow him to focus clearly without the world “spinning around him”.

Although it seems to us that we keep receiving more bad news than good news, we know that it is just the nature of an aggressive cancer. Unless God intervenes with a miracle, his condition will continue to worsen. Of course, we continue to pray for a miracle…but we also pray that God will give him grace and courage for each day and for minimum discomfort.

Spiritually, I have been reminded of these verses over and over again, “ ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’"

As a family, our “way” is that God would heal Dave completely. We have been praying for that and believing that God can do that! It seems, however, from the physical symptoms which we are observing, that God may have another “way” than what we’d like to see.

Does that mean He is not good and gracious and loving and kind? Absolutely not! It just means that sometimes we never will see what God is doing through His “ways” on this earth. But we know He IS in control and He IS working out His plan and He IS changing and transforming lives through all of this. We just may have to wait until we get to heaven to see how He worked through it all.

From a human standpoint, we may not like being the “instrument” that He works through or being the ones that He teaches lessons through BUT from an eternal standpoint, “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” To God be the glory….we pray that we will live our lives as a testimony to His great love and power. The road is difficult, but we know that God is giving us the strength for each minute of each day.

While we would love to visit with so many of you, Dave’s physical condition is too weakened to do that. His white counts are extremely low and so is his physical strength and stamina. Please understand if he does not reply/respond to emails or voicemails. Good days have become fewer and far between. But know that we are so uplifted by your words of encouragement and love and by your prayers.

Thank you for standing with us in prayer. We could not walk this journey without God’s help! Every day we are reminded of your love, encouragement, support and prayers! Thank you for taking the time to express this to us …. it is really appreciated!

A Very Busy Three Weeks

Hi Everyone...these last three weeks have been very busy for the McIntyres and I feel badly that in not keeping the blog current, some misinformation has begun to circulate about my health. I apologize and want you to get the "the straight scoop" directly from "the horse's mouth."

Physically, my condition has deteriorated over the last three weeks and recent tests and appointments have given us some reasons as to why. My energy level has been very low due to my blood counts and I have been back to Yale a couple of times for units of blood. I have also had increasing difficulty with mobility. In a week's time I went from unsteady walking to being unable to stand or walk without assistance. Presently I use a wheelchair to get around. When I saw the doctor he was not surprised by these changes in my situation, knowing the aggressive nature of my cancer. He ordered an MRI this week to get a grasp on what was taking place.

The MRI showed that the nerves in my lower spinal area are being compressed due to the cancer growth. The good news is that the cancer in that area is treatable and I have already begun radiation treatments. Even with just two treatments "under my belt", I can already sense a difference in my body and am encouraged.

During these past three weeks the McIntyre's home has been a very busy place. We celebrated Andrea's birthday with a surprise visit from her two sisters. Also, Elise and Krista planned their own homecoming surprise for mom. More recently two of my college buddies visited and we had a great time of catching up and encouraging each other. So between birthday celebrations, visits from old friends, doctors' visits and increasing physical struggles, it has been a busy time.

How am I doing personally? Well, I face some great challenges in the future. Stamina is low and my body is just plain weak. I continue with a very healthy diet to build it up as best I can. I've had considerable pain due to the nerve compression and just getting around the house is about as big a challenge as I can handle right now. However, I look forward to my physical condition improving as the radiation shrinks the cancer away from the nerves and especially as God's people continue to pray for my healing.

While the physical struggles are real and can be greatly discouraging, I want you to know that I continue to be greatly encouraged in the Lord. He is faithful to His promises and has provided all that I need. He is still in the miracle performing business and I ask that as you pray about all these things, that you remember to praise God for His goodness and to ask Him to do a great work of grace that reveals His power and glory with great clarity.

Thanks for your cards, email comments, Facebook posts, offers of help, phone calls, etc. They are all appreciated. What makes me sad is that I just can't respond to most of them. So, please know the grateful heart that receives them even though I don't have the opportunity to respond to them.

A Moment Apart!

Both Body and Spirit are going to be blended together tonight by one event that has just blessed me so deeply and ministered so profoundly, I feel like I could burst! For those of you who say, "That's a little dramatic, wouldn't you say, Dave?" I would respond, "Sorry, you weren't there Sunday night!"

Body: Many who follow this blog are part of Calvary Church and you know that a special prayer service was called for this past Sunday evening to pray to the Lord, asking for a miracle of healing which He is able to perform at any moment. The staff insisted we have the meeting in the FLC because they felt too many people would come to be handled well in the Sanctuary. They were right. So, with this large audience of those who love me and desired to come before God in prayer for me (including so many from Living Hope, our church plant of two years ago), I was in a pretty wonderful place...even though I had experienced a very tough day physically.

In thinking about this service, I had some very specific things in mind that I wanted to share, so I was the primary spokesman that evening. I shared from James 5 about the elders anointing with oil and offering prayer in faith. And the congregation participated silently as the elders came, anointed me with oil and prayed boldly and passionately about that which was the desire of our hearts. It was a stirring time.

Then the congregation prayed in small groups and later from open mics about the request of our hearts for a miracle on my behalf. I was so grateful to be there and to be prayed for in such passionate, bold, confident, and joyful ways. It was remarkable.

Spirit:

But this is where the evening just took my joy to a new level. You see, I had addressed those gathered about the reason we pray so tentatively. We almost hide behind, "if it be Your will" or "according to Your will." It's like throwing that phrase in there makes the prayer "safe" (because I don't want to pray something that isn't God's will). We often times don't know how to balance confidence, boldness and passion in prayer with God's will...as if they were in conflict with each other!

So I reminded the believers that the Bible says we are children of the King who have the unstoppable power of the Holy Spirit who raised Jesus Christ from the dead living in us and inviting us to offer big requests of a God who can do great things. I also shared with them that when I made a request of my dad as a kid, I asked with all my heart. First, because I really wanted whatever I was asking about. But second, I knew that he had ultimate veto power and would decide what was truly best...so I was free to ask with confidence and passion, according to what I knew was important to his heart.

That was something the Lord had just burned into my heart in planning the service and I prayed that it would be shared clearly and understood correctly. To then watch God's people grab it and apply it in prayer was amazing.

Not only did they pray that way for me, but this is where the evening took off into another realm. You see, my long term goal for the evening was that this not just be a prayer service for Dave McIntyre, but a prayer service for people in need who were asking for people to come alongside and lift them up in prayer. And that is what they did! I was so blessed to see our elders ministering in powerful ways as people came up and shared requests with them; they summarized the requests to the congregation and scores of people would jump to pray for that person in a huddle. The requests kept coming and the people kept rejoicing in the privilege of praying boldly before the Father. I praised God as I saw prayer circles all around the FLC, knowing they were bringing the requests of their brother and sisters to God boldly and in faith.

My heart was blessed beyond measure Sunday night. As my body struggles, my heart continues to grow and soar in Him.

Please continue to pray -- the down days come and, already since Sunday, moments of fear and frustration and discouragement have come knocking...but we've sent them packing each time, thanks to His grace.

Making The Most Of Our Time

Body: I continue with the new diet and regimen...almost a week into it. It has presented some special challenges for Andrea as she has much extra preparation of foods. But, as is normally the case, she does it all with love and graciousness.

I met with my doctor last Friday and we discussed the limited options that chemo offers. I indicated that I was ready for a change in direction. He suggested that we meet this week to finally discuss treatment options. That meeting will take place this afternoon. I'm hoping that I'll not only understand the various support services that Yale can offer but how I am to proceed with evaluations of my condition and proactive treatments for pain management.

The pain in my bones is becoming more regular. I often take a pain pill for a portion of the day. However, I continue to wait on the Lord and am so grateful for so many who pray in faith asking God for His miracle. I truly am blessed. My schedule is pretty open since I really can't commit to much of anything at present. I'm resting a lot and eating a lot!

Spirit: Romans 13:5-14 "Making The Most Of Our Time"

The urgency of living well and enjoying each moment is not lost on a person in a life and death struggle with cancer. Often a special phrase comes along to emphasize the point. In a Puritan Prayer, I read, "May I speak each word as if my last word, and walk each step as if my final one. If my life should end today, let this be my best day."

Great sentiment! How do I do that? There are many different statements of it, but Romans 13 has to be one of the most concise and simply stated yet thorough. Let our only outstanding debt be to love others -- a debt which is never finished because of the enormity of Jesus' love for us. Paul even states that love fulfills the Law fully...because everything in the Law is either about loving God or truly loving others. Love only does what blesses and benefits. Finally, he summarizes it nicely in vs 14: clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus and not the desires of the flesh. Pretty simple and straight forward. Pretty thorough and accurate. An incredibly high standard by which to live.

That's how you are prepared for your last day on earth, for the trumpet to sound, for God to call us home!

How do I love better today? How do I look more like Jesus this day? Where does His love come out, spontaneously or planned? What a special privilege the day holds and in its unscripted way, I write the play. Let's title it, "Dave's Best Day!" and then compare it to tomorrow's version of "Dave's Best Day!" Love for God and others being the key measure.

"Lord, I am weak and distracted by a number of things. No excuse! May today's version of 'Dave's Best Day!' bring joy to Your heart and a smile to my lips...and some wonderful surprises to people along the way."

Refreshed, Revived and Redirected

Body: The PET scan's results of December 23 were quite a surprise. What was supposed to be a simple confirmation of good results from treatment and radiation revealed quite the opposite. We spent that evening as a family working through the disappointment and shock, which was a wonderful time for us. Then we watched as the Lord provided us with grace and strength to focus our attention on the birth of His Son and the wonder of that incredible miracle, a Baby that changes everything...which would benefit us.

Because the cancer had become so aggressive, I had an MRI that day (12/23) and began radiation treatment to drive the cancer back from my spinal column beginning the next morning. Twelve treatments were prescribed and have been completed which has relieved much pain from my back (although I still have a very numb jaw). Daily trips to Yale did not stop us from having a wonderful time as a family during this relaxed season. We even made a trip into NYC for a day. Time with the girls and extended family kept me focused on God's blessings and goodness.

It was clear, though, that something would need to change...and change soon. This aggressive cancer was continuing to work and I wasn't sure what the next step should be. In evaluating options, many have suggested a wide variety of offerings and each one has been appreciated because I know the hearts from which they come. However, I have made a decision to continue working with Yale where their treatment options are helpful, and to go to a naturopathic approach with very specific diet and supplements. I have started this regimen which will take several weeks to implement fully. For this reason, I won't be as accessible as I would like since I really need to focus on taking care of and resting my body.

In addition, I have taken great encouragement from the Word of God and His power to heal His people. This is a powerful area where God has challenged me and I'll be sharing more in a few moments.

So, for now, I am refreshed because of time with family and the miracle of God sending a Baby; revived from the sense that nothing more can be done; and redirected to new ways to pressing on for His glory and for our good as His church.

Spirit: "Your Very Great Reward" Genesis 15:1

There is always much to learn from our Heavenly Father. Things we think we know and have mastered are often areas where He needs to take us to greater depth of understanding. Such has been the case with me and I humbly share it with you.

From my earliest diagnosis of lymphoma, I have proclaimed my trust in His will and plan for my life. I have tried never to question or doubt His wisdom. He knows what is best and I trust Him implicitly.

I haven't wavered from that confidence through the many treatments I've received. Yet with each discouraging report, I would be struck by that same conviction, "He is in control and I will trust Him!" There were times when I needed to adjust my mindset and take some time to regather my thoughts, but throughout this journey, I have truly desired to proclaim my faith and confidence in His power to heal and accomplish His purposes.

December 23's report was different than the others and therefore had to be wrestled with more deeply. It also challenged my faith more deeply because it bore down hard to where my true faith and confidence lay. Was I just saying my confidence was in God but as man's treatment options failed, my faith was shrinking and fear was rising? Or was this the moment God was waiting for...the moment in which all my sources of confidence were shattered and He was all I had left!! We sometimes fool ourselves in our statements. We mean what we say, but we have an escape hatch, a fall back position, a safety valve for "rescue."

Since December 23, I have realized that I have nothing but God. He is IT!! Finis!! Done!! The End!! Unless He steps in and performs His miraculous work, I will not survive. And that has been a great comfort, because He IS enough!!

To Abraham, God said in Gen. 15:1, "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward." What a wonderful descriptor of my relationship with God. It's where I always want to be. The uncertainties are enormous, but I do not need to be afraid. God is my protector...that's what a shield is all about. It keeps the enemy and his blows at bay. I am protected. And being His child is not just a blessing...it is a reward...a great reward...a very great reward. There's no greater reward on earth and no more thorough way to have the needs of life met! This isn't a reward I earned but one He gave through His Son. I am His child. He is sufficient!! Being close to Him is the greatest place to be. He will heal as He desires.

I am claiming that blessing of healing and would ask you to pray for His healing for me. But above all else, as my Father, He IS the reward...a huge, over-the-top reward. I am pressing on "Refreshed, Revived and Redirected" for His glory and looking for His continued hand of blessing on my life.

Will you join me?