Refreshed, Revived and Redirected

Body: The PET scan's results of December 23 were quite a surprise. What was supposed to be a simple confirmation of good results from treatment and radiation revealed quite the opposite. We spent that evening as a family working through the disappointment and shock, which was a wonderful time for us. Then we watched as the Lord provided us with grace and strength to focus our attention on the birth of His Son and the wonder of that incredible miracle, a Baby that changes everything...which would benefit us.

Because the cancer had become so aggressive, I had an MRI that day (12/23) and began radiation treatment to drive the cancer back from my spinal column beginning the next morning. Twelve treatments were prescribed and have been completed which has relieved much pain from my back (although I still have a very numb jaw). Daily trips to Yale did not stop us from having a wonderful time as a family during this relaxed season. We even made a trip into NYC for a day. Time with the girls and extended family kept me focused on God's blessings and goodness.

It was clear, though, that something would need to change...and change soon. This aggressive cancer was continuing to work and I wasn't sure what the next step should be. In evaluating options, many have suggested a wide variety of offerings and each one has been appreciated because I know the hearts from which they come. However, I have made a decision to continue working with Yale where their treatment options are helpful, and to go to a naturopathic approach with very specific diet and supplements. I have started this regimen which will take several weeks to implement fully. For this reason, I won't be as accessible as I would like since I really need to focus on taking care of and resting my body.

In addition, I have taken great encouragement from the Word of God and His power to heal His people. This is a powerful area where God has challenged me and I'll be sharing more in a few moments.

So, for now, I am refreshed because of time with family and the miracle of God sending a Baby; revived from the sense that nothing more can be done; and redirected to new ways to pressing on for His glory and for our good as His church.

Spirit: "Your Very Great Reward" Genesis 15:1

There is always much to learn from our Heavenly Father. Things we think we know and have mastered are often areas where He needs to take us to greater depth of understanding. Such has been the case with me and I humbly share it with you.

From my earliest diagnosis of lymphoma, I have proclaimed my trust in His will and plan for my life. I have tried never to question or doubt His wisdom. He knows what is best and I trust Him implicitly.

I haven't wavered from that confidence through the many treatments I've received. Yet with each discouraging report, I would be struck by that same conviction, "He is in control and I will trust Him!" There were times when I needed to adjust my mindset and take some time to regather my thoughts, but throughout this journey, I have truly desired to proclaim my faith and confidence in His power to heal and accomplish His purposes.

December 23's report was different than the others and therefore had to be wrestled with more deeply. It also challenged my faith more deeply because it bore down hard to where my true faith and confidence lay. Was I just saying my confidence was in God but as man's treatment options failed, my faith was shrinking and fear was rising? Or was this the moment God was waiting for...the moment in which all my sources of confidence were shattered and He was all I had left!! We sometimes fool ourselves in our statements. We mean what we say, but we have an escape hatch, a fall back position, a safety valve for "rescue."

Since December 23, I have realized that I have nothing but God. He is IT!! Finis!! Done!! The End!! Unless He steps in and performs His miraculous work, I will not survive. And that has been a great comfort, because He IS enough!!

To Abraham, God said in Gen. 15:1, "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward." What a wonderful descriptor of my relationship with God. It's where I always want to be. The uncertainties are enormous, but I do not need to be afraid. God is my protector...that's what a shield is all about. It keeps the enemy and his blows at bay. I am protected. And being His child is not just a blessing...it is a reward...a great reward...a very great reward. There's no greater reward on earth and no more thorough way to have the needs of life met! This isn't a reward I earned but one He gave through His Son. I am His child. He is sufficient!! Being close to Him is the greatest place to be. He will heal as He desires.

I am claiming that blessing of healing and would ask you to pray for His healing for me. But above all else, as my Father, He IS the reward...a huge, over-the-top reward. I am pressing on "Refreshed, Revived and Redirected" for His glory and looking for His continued hand of blessing on my life.

Will you join me?