Continuing the Journey

Greetings blog followers! This is Krista McIntyre, guest writer and Pastor Dave’s oldest daughter. I feel honored to be writing here today, and though I’m not new to the “blog world,” I was hesitant to take on this responsibility because I didn’t think that there was anything that I could share that would match the deep entries that my Dad has written. But I get to bring a different perspective this week; mostly as an observer. This is sometimes the hardest place to be -- it’s frustrating, infuriating, and somewhat depressing.

A little background: I was more than an observer, I was the “caregiver” this week. My Mom had the privilege of accompanying the youth group to the EFCA National Conference in Columbus, Ohio for the week. This was a difficult decision for her, but it was a great opportunity for Elise and me to spend some quality time with Dad.

We reported to Yale-New Haven Hospital on Tuesday, June 29. We rode on the elevator past the familiar floors of the Smilow Cancer Center where I had spent time in the past and I began to get nervous. What was I thinking that I could possibly care for Dad in the ways he needed!? We got to his room and he was immediately given instructions about the floor, his room, and he was given an overview for what was going to happen while he was there. My head began to spin with different medications’ names that I didn’t understand and the sinking feeling in my stomach began to feel stronger. Dad looked calm; ready to take on the world, which is one of the many reasons I respect and love him so much. He never seems thrown by the craziness of life because he is so firmly set in Christ. The medicine took a while to be ordered, but we finally began the chemo at 4:00. This chemo ended at 10:00 PM and by 11:00 PM he started his 24-hour dose of chemo #2. Elise (who joined me everyday after work) and I left at around 10:00. He seemed apprehensive about the side effects, but at that point, he still was feeling fine and he had been very encouraged because he met with his small group in his hospital room.

Wednesday morning I came in around 8:45 with Dunkin’ Donuts coffee (as requested) and Dad looked great! He was sitting up, he was cheerful, and was feeling fine. He had already eaten his breakfast and was working on emails for church. I was surprised. I had expected to see my Dad in horrible shape, and it was such an encouragement to my heart to see him alert. During the day people came to visit and Dad used any opportunity he was given to share the gospel with the nurses and physicians caring for him. He was quickly becoming one of the favorite patients on the 11th floor, and I can’t say I was surprised. When Elise and I left at 9:30 Dad was still feeling well and it was almost time to switch the treatments.

Thursday morning I walked in and saw an immediate change. Although it was almost 9:00 Dad was still dozing and he actually looked sick. My stomach sank and a feeling of panic took over as I asked how he was feeling. I already knew the answer before he spoke. He wasn’t feeling well; this was the beginning of his long summer. My stomach continued to churn as I asked what I could do, and for the first time in three days, he said there was nothing I could do. I felt helpless and as nurses came to check on him I felt even more so. I went down to a garden on the 7th floor and as I sat on a rock in the beautiful July sunshine, I cried. I didn’t just cry a few tears, I sobbed uncontrollably as mascara dripped down my cheeks. I cried because there was nothing I could do, because I was angry, and because I felt so useless. This was my Daddy and I wanted to make him feel better and I couldn’t. I wanted God to fix it. I realized I was angry and frustrated because God hadn’t answered my prayers. All of Calvary Church was praying for my Dad and this is how God answered our prayers?? I recollected myself and let him sleep until the final treatment ended at 2:00 and we went home at 3:00. He slept for the rest of the afternoon, and after eating some toast and fruit he went to sleep.

Friday and today (Saturday) looked similar to Thursday afternoon, lots of sleeping and not a lot of eating because Dad doesn’t have the energy or the appetite. I don’t know if we see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I’m straining my eyes waiting for it, and I’m sure Dad is too.

Rereading some of my Dad’s posts, he always encourages his readers with what he is learning through this place in life, and even though this post is WAY longer than any of Dad’s, I want to make sure I add in this piece of what God is teaching me.

Earlier I said I’m an observer. I don’t feel the pain, but I see it. I’m starting to see, among other things, that God has placed my father in each of our lives to show us a Godly example of how to handle struggles.

Sometimes I am admittedly selfish and I don’t know why God is using these circumstances in his life. He’s the man who wiped my tears when I scraped my knee, he’s the man who bought me my first Bible, he’s the man who led me to Christ, the man who has listened intently to every story I’ve ever told, and he’s the man who’s been excited for each success I’ve ever had and has comforted me after each failure. He was the man that carried furniture to my dorm room and the man who prayed with me over the phone the day I started my job. He’ll eventually be the man who walks me down the aisle to my husband, and the man who will hold my children and guide them as he has guided me.

I’ve had time to think and process what is happening. He’s humble, generous, and loving. He’s focused on the right things in life and is always striving to allow his life to be an example and a witness to those around him. My Dad is an amazing man.

God has allowed him to go through this suffering to encourage and to challenge you and me. No matter what we are struggling with, God can use it to further His kingdom…if we allow Him to. I admit that this is something I struggle with. I struggle with feeling angry about my Dad’s cancer, but since his diagnosis God has taught me to trust and be thankful for how He is using my Dad in my life and in the lives of others. When I focus on that, I see that God has given me great witnessing opportunities with my co-workers and has allowed me to encourage some of my college friends and even some of you at Calvary Church.

As an observer of my Dad, I am learning that I can encourage others no matter what is happening in my life. It’s a daily choice, but when I do, I’m blessed.

Thanks for letting me share with you. Thanks for being a part of my Dad’s life. Thanks for taking care of him and using your gifts to encourage him. As a family we can never begin to express it enough.