The Next Step

Body: The last few days have been very good and I've been able to meet with staff and give some input into the ministry. I've felt great and eaten well...such a life!!

This is all in anticipation of the next step in the treatment process which begins tomorrow morning at 11:00 am. After blood work, initial questions, paperwork, etc. I will receive my first dose of intensive chemo. I receive the second dose on Thursday and I receive the stem cell transplant on Friday. It should be quite a week!

I get Saturday "off" (as the effects of the chemo begin to be felt). Then I have 10 straight days of trips to the hospital for blood work and treatment as the blood levels need to be monitored closely along with other potential side effects.

The next two weeks will be tough on the body!

Spirit: "Cast Your Cares" Psalm 55:22

I kid you not, this was the Psalm I was scheduled to read today...and I'm so grateful for this very basic reminder which I share with you.

Here is David, a man of God, a man who has experienced God's protection and provision so many times and in so many ways, calling out to God in fear and trembling, experiencing the terrors of death (see vs 4-5). This isn't a giant or even an army which can be opposed face to face...might against might. It is the intrigue of one of David's trusted friends who is disloyal and has influenced many people in the city against him...but how many? And who? David feels great fear because he can't see the hearts of the people and he doesn't know how to face this "foe."

All he knows is that God sustains him. The climax of the Psalm is vs 22-23. His job is to cast his cares on the Lord and God's job is to sustain him.

That is not an easy thing to do and it gives me encouragement to realize that David struggled with this. Our enemy may be another person, a disease, the unknown, a relationship, a decision, a financial situation or some other struggle. Each can seem overwhelming at times. We lie awake at night thinking and worrying. Our minds run down the path of "what if" which brings us to the point of sheer terror. We read into circumstances, conversations, even "looks" and other non-verbals which come our way. We physically get sick or depressed. And what good does it do?

There is a better solution. I intend to practice it as this next round of treatment and all the unknowns come my way. "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." Now that's a good deal and a great way to live life!

"Lord, my cares are many; You are greater. Please sustain Your servant in my weakness and distress. You are my God."

Answered Prayer

Body: Many of you knew that today was an important day for me with another PET scan and then the appointment with the doctor for results and next steps. As he came into the office, he was clearly thrilled with the results. He said this was the best PET scan I've had!

This doesn't mean all the cancer is gone, but the area affected is now extremely small. He pulled up all of the PET scans (4 of them) for comparison and what a contrast! It is now much smaller than it has ever been!

To avoid toxicity to my lungs, he has changed this last chemo and reduced the number of days to administer it. This intensive chemo will take place next Wednesday and Thursday followed by the stem cell transplant on Friday.

The following two weeks plus will be intense, with side effects, daily visits to Yale, transfusions, etc.

The doctor is convinced that I will need significant radiation therapy following the chemo and stem cell transplant. This will take place following the recovery from the stem cell transplant.

Spirit: All the praise for this wonderfully encouraging report goes to our Great God. Praise His Name!! This report is also a direct answer to the faithful and fervent prayers of so many who have loved and stood by us during these challenging days. Thank you.

I am deeply grateful to and humbled by God's grace and the expressions of your commitment to pray. Please do not stop. While this is a very encouraging report, the work is not finished and the next few weeks will be critically important in the continued treatment of this cancer.

Last night I determined that I would praise God regardless of the test results. Tonight it is very easy to praise the Lord and I do so with all my heart:

"Praise God from Whom all blessings flow; Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above ye heavenly host; Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Amen!"

Waiting On Him

Body: Feeling pretty good today! Was outside and even cut the grass! It was a great day to enjoy some cooler temperatures and God's creation. While I still tire easily, I am grateful that blood levels have been moving in the right direction. Recovery from this past chemo has been much slower than from some of the others. Maybe my body is in rebellion:-)!

Spirit: Psalm 23:3b-4a "The Path He Chooses"

I've been reflecting on this passage for the last couple of weeks and it has really ministered to and challenged my soul.

I've read and recited this passage many times, but only casually reflected on what it means. I've always thought that the phrase, "He leads me in paths of righteousness..," indicated what He expected from me as I follow Him. He desires holiness, purity, goodness, etc. in all that I do. That righteousness becomes a way of life. While there may be truth in that, I have seen something else as I reflect on my life circumstances at present and it totally focuses back on the Shepherd: the path He chooses is always right, good, pure, perfect. The shepherd makes the choice of paths for the sheep and what this Shepherd chooses is always right.

This is where I became aware of a tie-in with verse 4 which I hadn't seen before. His path is the right path, "even though I walk through the valley..." This Shepherd takes His sheep on the right path and sometimes that includes deep valleys...inexplicable struggles and mysteries...but it is the right path...because He chose it.

The reason I know He chooses the path for my life carefully is this, "He leads me in paths of righteousness for His Name's sake." Two thoughts strike me about this important phrase. First, God's purpose in all that He does is to bring glory to Himself. Not in an arrogant way, but because there is no greater good than His glory. He chooses right paths for my life so that He will receive maximum glory. How great is that?

Second, the sheep are owned by the shepherd. They are his sheep and are totally dependent on the shepherd to choose a path that will benefit and protect them. They just don't know what is best. Therefore He chooses the path for their benefit as well as His glory...even when it includes the dark valley. God chooses my path carefully because I am His child. His name is attached to me. Because of this, He is vitally concerned about the path that is chosen for me.

The response of the sheep to the shepherd's leading cannot be taken for granted...especially as it applies to our relationship with the Good Shepherd. I need to remember and embrace my role in this relationship with God: He's the Shepherd, I'm the sheep. He leads, I follow. He is infinite, I am finite. He commands, I obey.

This relationship of sheep and Shepherd works well as long as I am in agreement with the paths He chooses. It becomes problematic for me when He takes me on a path that includes the valley, especially the dark valley. Everything within me says, "Hold it! You've made a mistake! This can't be the right path; it's too steep, dark and difficult." In those moments, what I believe about God is tested along with my willingness to trust Him. These are the critical moments when faith can grow stronger and God reveals something very special about Himself: His presence. "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for You are with me!!"

No matter what path He chooses for me, I am not alone. He doesn't select a path and send me...He leads me, never leaving me alone! Can there be any greater comfort than this? So, as I wait for tomorrow's tests, which He already knows about, I am grateful for the comfort Psalm 23:3b-4a brings: He has chosen THE right path for my life, for His glory and my good...and He will be with me each step of the way. I am greatly blessed!!

Back "On the Air"

Body:

It has been quite awhile since I posted an entry on this blog. It has been a challenging couple of weeks, but I am grateful that I'm feeling better and am able to bring you up-to-date on what is happening. So many of you have been so encouraging through your notes, cards, emails, and assurance of prayer support.

Today's blood report was encouraging and, except for a 20 minute infusion of magnesium, I was told my blood levels are moving in the right direction, even though they are still low. Please pray for those platelets and red cells especially!!

Thursday is a big day for me. I'll have another blood levels check, a PET scan and meet with the doctor. I should have a clear reading on the effectiveness of the last round of chemo and what the next step in treatment will be. We'll try to post something later on Thursday or Friday. Thanks.

Spirit: "Hope for Healing" Psalm 33:16-19

My thoughts and focus recently have been on being open and willing to embrace God's will even if it isn't my desire. This passage has been a breath of fresh air as I anticipate the PET scan of Thursday.

The psalmist makes it clear that the size of the army isn't the key to success (Might he have Gideon in mind?). Conventional wisdom says that the larger army wins! The psalmist says that strength and overwhelming power won't necessarily win the day (Might he have the Israelites and the Red Sea in mind?). Conventional wisdom says the more fire power you have, the more sure the victory.

The psalmist says God is focused on those who hope in Him; who know His loyal love; who put Him first and revere Him more than all/everything else. His response is to deliver from death and keep them alive in hard times.

My confidence is easily placed in statistics and probabilities, not God. When medical science says, "We've got this," I relax. When medical science stumbles, I get nervous. This whole cancer journey has been like that and as treatment after treatment has produced less than was desired, my comfort level has dropped and my heart has had to wrestle with where my confidence really lies. This passage summarizes it well for me. My hope for life and healing needs to be rightly place in the One who is greater and stronger than my cancer. I will look to Him with confidence and expectancy. He is able and good!

"Dear Lord, forgive me for the times my confidence is more influenced by conventional wisdom and probability than by the God who delivers from death...no matter what the odds!! Praise Your Holy Name."

Never a dull moment....

From Andrea: Just thought I'd fill you in about the last couple of days of treament for Dave. Sorry that you are only hearing from me, but seems he's been at the hospital more than he's been home these days. Guess that's part of the whole process.

This past week, we had been going every other day to the hospital to check his counts and for possible transfusions. Friday had a little "wrinkle" in it. As we were getting ready to go to the hospital, his heart had a little atrial fibrilation "episode". It continued til we got there, which was a GOOD thing because they were able to get an EKG of it. Nothing major, but they always want to be safe, so they arranged to have him transferred/admitted to cardiology for observation. Thankfully, his heart "kicked back in" to regular rhythm and the cardiologist just prescribed some meds in case it happened again and he let us go home! :) There's no place like home!

We went yesterday for another routine check of his blood levels and found his temperature was slightly elevated. He got platelets yesterday and they told him to come back Monday for a unit of blood. All this is "expected" because of the chemo treatment and what that does to your levels in your body. Because of his extremely low white blood cell count, we had to watch his temperature carefully throughout the day. It reached 100.4, which is the point where they tell you to call the hospital and be ready to be admitted for IV antibiotics. So, he spent the night at Yale receiving antibiotics. Throughout the night, the vitals showed his fever was gone but it's a little elevated this morning again. Please pray that the antibiotics will do their job and get rid of this "germ".

Just wanted to keep you posted. Thanks again for your prayers!

Quick note....

Hi again.....it's Andrea.

Dave felt pretty good today. He gets lightheaded and short of breath easily. Just finds he doesn't have much stamina. But we know that will eventually get better! :)

We went to Yale again this morning for his shot (to boost white blood cells) and for blood work to see how his "levels" are doing. Fortunately, we only had to wait for the blood work results to come back (which can take anywhere from 1 -2 hours) and then we were told we could go home. :) His levels were good enough that he didn't need a transfusion of anything today.

From now til the 23rd, we take a trip to Yale every other morning for the same thing....blood work. Depending on the results that come back, they could tell us we have to stay....sometimes it's because he needs platelets, sometimes potassium, sometimes magnesium, etc....and that means it takes up most of our day.

So that will be our schedule for a while. He does have to be careful, again...his white blood cell count is quite low and they don't want him to be around crowds. They gave us some masks for him to wear in case he HAS to go out. Hopefully the shots he is getting will help these levels to come up soon!

Thanks again for your prayers, many notes of encouragement, love, etc!

P.S. We're excited that my mom will be coming out from Wisconsin to visit us tomorrow! :) She'll be out in this area for about a month....staying with us, loving on her newest grandbabies (Paul and Kristine's kids), going up to Camp Spofford for Senior Citizen's week, and visiting her cousin in NJ for few days! Will be nice to have her here......we'll miss having dad with her, but we're looking forward to a great visit with my mom! :)

How's Dave?

That has been the question that I have been getting over and over and over again. :) And it is not a bother to me, just a reminder that so many people are praying for us, love us, and want to encourage us! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

This is Andrea, again......"guest blogger".

How is Dave? Well....he's making progress. :) Saturday was a long day. Since the last chemo treatment was completed on Friday night, he anticipated getting home by at least noon on Saturday. What we didn't know, was that the medication (to protect his kidneys from the strong chemo) that they put on his IV "rack" in the morning was set at "a snail's pace" and would not be finished til 6pm that evening! He was also fighting nausea all day....just couldn't quite get on top of it with the meds. Talk about a long day! (It was only made worse because of the fact that we thought we'd be out of there by early afternoon. He just wanted to recuperate AT HOME.)

Sunday was a tough day. Those of you who have been through strong chemo know how awful you feel. Pastor Scott had told us the focus of Sunday's sermon (Psalm 31) and that there would be a time of prayer for Dave so, even in the midst of the "yuckiness" of the day, we were encouraged knowing that our church family was being reminded of God's goodness in the midst of difficulties, and we were reminded of that as well! Pastor Scott said, "Our circumstances may change but our God never changes! -- He is our Refuge, our Rock and our Fortress." So neat for our church family to grasp that truth not only for the situation we are going through, but also for whatever difficult situations each of them face! We also heard from many other church families that they were praying for us in their respective church services as well. We are SO humbled and blessed by the outpouring of love and prayer support!

And we thought Sunday was bad?!? Monday was worse :( The nausea was really intense...couldn't keep any of his pills down. He had a prior appointment to be at Yale that morning to be checked, even though he had a hard time figuring out how he was even going to make it to the car; he felt so awful. BUT....he got there, was given fluids, an anti-nausea shot, potassium, magnesium, and a FEW of his stem cells back -- this is not the transfusion that will be coming in the future -- these few stem cells were just a booster to help him "bounce back" from the harsh chemo effects on his blood cells. By 3pm he was heading home again and tried as best he could to get through the rest of that day.

Tuesday? Sigh of relief......much better day! After a good night's sleep (thanks to anti-nausea meds and sleeping meds), he was feeling a lot better and was even hungry to eat something! That was a good change! :) While he still feels "mack-trucked" and has a hard time concentrating/focusing for long periods of time, he is happy that his stomach has settled down a bit.

We know there will be ups and downs.....(the nurses warned us that symptoms could get worse) but we know that so many are praying for us and we will get through it all with God's help!

And how are the girls and I? God is SO good and SO amazing....it does our hearts well as parents to see God working in their lives, drawing them to Himself and teaching them lessons, even though they are very hard. Let me share from their most recent Facebook "status posts" to give you a quick glimpse into their determination to hang on to the Lord even in the midst of this "cancer journey" with their dad:

Krista:

"Blessed be Your name
when the sun's shining down on me,
when the world's 'all as it should be',
blessed be Your name.

Blessed be Your name,
on the road marked with suffering,
though there's pain in the offering,
blessed be Your name."


Elise:

‎"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him" Nahum 1:7


Jessica:

"It's not that I don't have an answer... it's just not the one that I'd like. But through this time, Lord, I must keep in mind that you're always wiser than I. You have a much better purpose, You have a far greater plan, and You have a bigger perspective."


Praise the Lord! Thank you for praying for all 5 of us! We love you all and appreciate all of your kindnesses to us! INCREDIBLE blessing!

(P.S. In the future, I'll try to do a better job of posting on his blog when he doesn't have the energy/focus to do so!)

A Real Curve Ball

Body: Many of you know that today I had a PET scan and an appointment with my doctor to review progress and lay out "next steps" in my treatment. The nice, neat plans went out the window as the doctor was very surprised to see that my cancer has actually grown significantly since the last PET scan.

That wasn't the news we were hoping for and we talked with the doctor about many options...many of which are just now being considered by my doctor. The bottom line is that this is disappointing news and keeps me focused on the things that will not change and that cancer cannot touch.

I will be heading into the hospital on Wednesday for four days of chemo and the doctor has warned me that it won't be a lot of fun. I hesitate to mention anything else at this point because after this chemo, he will give me another PET scan before any final decisions are made as to future directions.

Spirit: Yesterday and again this morning I read the following Puritan Prayer from The Valley Of Vision. It was a great blessing then...and is even more precious now. If you decide to read it, read slowly and thoughtfully. There is a lot here for me and I hope for you.

The All-Good

MY GOD

Thou hast helped me to see,

that whatever good be in honor and rejoicing,

how good is He who gives them, and can withdraw them;

that blessedness does not lie so much

in receiving good from and in Thee, but

in holding forth Thy glory and virtue;

that it is an amazing thing

to see Deity in a creature, speaking, acting, filling, shining through it;

that nothing is good but Thee,

that I am near good when I am near Thee,

that to be like Thee is a glorious thing:

This is my magnet, my attraction.

Thou art all my good in times of peace,

my only support in days of trouble,

my one sufficiency when life shall end.

Help me to see how good Thy will is in all,

and even when it crosses mine

teach me to be pleased with it.

Grant me to feel Thee in fire, and food and every providence,

and to see that Thy many gifts and creatures

are but Thy hands and fingers taking hold of me.

Thou bottomless fountain of all good,

I give myself to Thee out of love,

for all I have or own is Thine,

my goods, family, church, self,

to do with as Thou wilt,

to honor Thyself by me, and by all mine.

If it be consistent with Thy eternal counsels,

the purpose of Thy grace,

and the great ends of Thy glory,

then bestow upon me the blessings of Thy comforts;

If not, let me resign myself to Thy wiser determinations.

Now doesn't that just give us some really good food for thought? It's still a curve ball to me, but I'm in good hands. Thanks for praying.