Our Dad

Closing thoughts about our Dad from his three girls.

We grew up roaming the halls of this building. Running up and down the seemingly large staircase to the office labeled “Pastor Dave McIntyre.” To most, that was the title he was known by and the title most will remember him by, but to us, he was always Daddy first.

Our Dad taught us many things throughout our lives that have shaped who we are and who we still aspire to be. Some are serious but some are funny. Dad taught us to always be creative when it comes to Halloween costumes, and to never be afraid to laugh at yourself…even if that means the whole church gets to laugh along with the sermon illustration. He taught us it’s never a bad idea to have an absurd amount of jolly ranchers in your office and to never give up on our Dallas Cowboys and Michigan football teams. He taught us to have a healthy love of Sunday afternoon football, and to never interrupt with questions until commercials because he was in the “football zone.” He taught us how to stack wood properly, how to effectively rake leaves into a tarp, and how to cut the grass on a rider mower. (We learned how to avoid doing all three on our own) He tried to teach us to have a love of action movies, but we ended up usually watching something like Pride and Prejudice or You’ve Got Mail. Our Dad often rolled his eyes at his ridiculous girls, but we never felt more love than we did from our Daddy growing up.

In addition to all the funny life lessons, Dad taught us about integrity. Whether playing board games when we were children, or when we begged to go to China Town to buy fake coach purses, Dad always told us to live in a way that was pleasing to God. This integrity also bled into the way he treated people in his life. Dad was always honest and open with people who came to him in his office or approached him after church. There were times he couldn’t agree with their actions, or what they believed, but he always spoke the truth in love.

Throughout our lives Dad also lived out having a servant’s heart and made that something that we desired as well. No job was too small for Dad to do at Calvary Church. We remember stuffing bulletins on a Saturday night, turning off lights and securing the church after everyone had gone home, hosting numerous families for holidays, and even cleaning up coffee spills during Sunday School. Dad was a servant and throughout his life, made sure that we knew God’s desire for servant’s hearts as well.

It’s no secret that Dad had the gift of writing. Expressing himself through words is one of the main ways we can all remember him. As Dad wrote sermons, he poured out the words the Holy Spirit laid on his heart for the people of Calvary Church. We also benefitted from many a letter and short email or note that came our way during difficult moments as we grew up. Dad always seemed to know exactly what to say to express his love…and make us cry. We’ve recently realized that we’re not the only ones who received cards, emails, or letters during difficult moments. His writing always had an underlying note of love and this is another lesson we’ve learned from him. Dad loved people and showed that love in whatever way he could. We hope to continue to love in the way he loved…the way that Christ loved.

Most importantly, Dad taught us how to live as Christ would in our daily lives. Through his love for people, his solid and unwavering faith in his Savior, and his servant’s heart Dad tried to be Jesus and encouraged others to do the same. We would be remiss to not express Dad’s passion for Jesus Christ and his life’s mission to try and make sure that everyone else got to know Him as well. We never would have wished our father to have cancer, and worse yet, to die from it, but we also are continually amazed to see the amount of lives that Dad touched during his fight with the disease. Many a doctor, nurse, and random other patient was softly spoken to by Dad. He made them smile with his sense of humor and made them think as he witnessed to them through his words and actions. His heart’s desire to spread Christ has become our hearts desire. We want you all to see our Dad again, and to rejoice with us one day in heaven.

Our Dad is an amazing man. His legacy will live on in our lives and in many others as well. Some will remember his smile, others his voice as he led the church in song. There may be some that remember a specific sermon he gave, or a note or scripture he shared. For us, we remember the way he called us Squirt, Peanut, and Munchkin. We remember the sound of the garage door when he came home from work. We remember the way he laughed at a really funny story, and the way he held us when we cried. We remember holding his hand and we remember the way he would say, “I love you so much.” It was our honor and privilege to share our Dad with you and we’re glad we won’t be the only ones that remember him. We love you Daddy, we always will.

Calling Hours and Memorial Service for Dave will take place at Calvary Church, 498 White Plains Road, in Trumbull, Connecticut 06611.

Calling Hours: Friday, March 25, from 4:00 to 8:00 pm
Memorial Service: Saturday, March 26, at 1:00 pm

In lieu of flowers, contributions may be given to the Calvary Church Memorial Fund. These gifts in Dave's memory, will be used equally for The Sudan Project and the Calvary Church Building Fund.

It can be said of Dave.....

It can be said of Dave, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge, will award to me on that day....." (2 Timothy 4:7&8). Dave's battle with lymphoma came to an end early this morning as he went to be with Jesus. He is completely healed!

While this is a sad time we do not "grieve like people who have no hope." (1 Thessalonians 4:23)
We know that as he took his last breath on this earth, he was instantly being welcomed by his Father in heaven. He is rejoicing in the presence of his Savior.

At this point, no arrangements have been made but they will be posted when available. The family rests in Jesus at this difficult time. Please pray as arrangements are finalized and also for family who will be traveling.
Posted by Calvary Staff

The Journey Continues

Although Dave's health continues to decline, he is experiencing discomfort rather than the severe pain of the past months. Thank you for your continued prayers as this is a direct answer to prayer. The girls were at home this past weekend loving on their Dad and helping with his care. Hospice is helping provide more comfort for Dave. Krista and Elise will be returning on Wednesday to be with their Dad. They know his days on earth are coming to an end and they want to spend as much time with him as they can. Your prayers and many expressions of love continue to sustain the family. Please pray for: Krista's and Elise's flights home; relief from discomfort; a meaningful time with family in coming days; wisdom as they care for Dave each day.

Difficult days....

Well.....he's home! Somehow, "coming home from the hospital" has the connotation of someone getting better. However, right now, we as a family are trying to wrap our minds around the fact that Dave is not getting better. Even though the infection he had was successfully treated and even though he did get several units of blood and platelets during the 4 days he was at the hospital, he is still gradually losing his battle with cancer. This is no surprise to God; we know that God is sovereign and He will not take Dave home one day sooner than He originally planned. But we will confess that this is a very difficult time for us.....we were hoping to have our dad/husband around for many more years. We are totally trusting in God's plan, His timing and His will, knowing He is our LOVING heavenly Father and will see us through whatever lies before us. We don't walk this road alone....we're so thankful He is right beside us!

We have been so encouraged by the many ways you have reached out to us and we have been upheld by your prayers! In these difficult days that lie ahead, can we ask that you continue to hold us up in prayer and ask that God's strength, comfort and peace be ours? We would really appreciate that! Thank you again for your expressions of love!

~ Andrea and the girls

Quick update

Just got the word that Dave is going to be discharged from the hospital today. He does need some platelets and/or blood before leaving, but at least he will be able to come home when that is done. Again, thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers!

Update on Dave

Dave was admitted to the hospital on Sunday evening and is being treated for an infection. He is also receiving blood and platelets. At this point, it is not certain when he will be returning home but please continue to check this blog. His mother and brother are flying in today for a brief visit. Thank you for your continued prayers and expressions of love.

Where we are today...

This is Andrea posting this time. It is hard to believe that it’s been 2 weeks since our last post. In one sense, it has gone so quickly and in another, it seems like a very long time, with the days running together. It’s been a blur of activity – radiation treatments, trips back and forth to the hospital, family visits, doctor appointments, some “complications”, etc. We were very happy to see that the heart complication which necessitated a short hospital stay was taken care of by a new medication.

Thank you for your continued prayers, cards, emails, gifts, offers of help, etc. which remind us that we are part of the family of God and He is caring for us in more ways than we could ask or imagine through this difficult time. We are so humbled and blessed by your love and prayers!

Dave enjoyed a wonderful visit with his brother and sister last week. It was so great for us to reconnect with them as distance and the “grown up children stage” of our lives has prevented us from seeing them very much over the last several years. This weekend, we are so excited to have all three of our girls home again! We are soaking in every minute! Then, this next week, Dave’s brother is flying in with his mom for a few days. It is a flurry of activity, but time that will be well spent and very much needed.

I’d like to be able to report that things are going well and Dave’s strength is increasing, but that isn’t the case. While the radiation has provided relief of the lower back pain, we continue to have a “roller coaster” ride of physical symptoms and, as a result, emotions. There are good days and bad days; then there are better days and really awful days. It has been difficult to fight discouragement, but we are continually reminded of God’s sovereignty and His love.

So the big question is, “How is Dave doing?” Physically, the cancer is spreading and causing many complications. His mobility has still not returned. Although the radiation has removed the cancer from the lower spinal cord/nerve endings, the doctor said that nerves can take a while to mend and it will probably be a while before he can stand/walk again. We are trying to work on exercises to keep the muscle tone in his legs.

The radiation and some of the meds he needs upset his stomach and he doesn’t feel much like eating. His weight is down, but we are pumping down as much good food in him as we can get, bits at a time. Some of the medication also impedes his concentration, making writing emails or having long conversations difficult for him. Recently, he started with some lightheadedness and dizziness, causing difficulty focusing his eyes as well as a nauseous feeling.

We thought some of the meds and/or low blood counts were causing this dizziness but both were ruled out on an MRI of his head this past Thursday. Results showed that there is cancer involvement in the brain. He began radiation treatment to the head the same day. This should help alleviate the dizziness and allow him to focus clearly without the world “spinning around him”.

Although it seems to us that we keep receiving more bad news than good news, we know that it is just the nature of an aggressive cancer. Unless God intervenes with a miracle, his condition will continue to worsen. Of course, we continue to pray for a miracle…but we also pray that God will give him grace and courage for each day and for minimum discomfort.

Spiritually, I have been reminded of these verses over and over again, “ ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’"

As a family, our “way” is that God would heal Dave completely. We have been praying for that and believing that God can do that! It seems, however, from the physical symptoms which we are observing, that God may have another “way” than what we’d like to see.

Does that mean He is not good and gracious and loving and kind? Absolutely not! It just means that sometimes we never will see what God is doing through His “ways” on this earth. But we know He IS in control and He IS working out His plan and He IS changing and transforming lives through all of this. We just may have to wait until we get to heaven to see how He worked through it all.

From a human standpoint, we may not like being the “instrument” that He works through or being the ones that He teaches lessons through BUT from an eternal standpoint, “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” To God be the glory….we pray that we will live our lives as a testimony to His great love and power. The road is difficult, but we know that God is giving us the strength for each minute of each day.

While we would love to visit with so many of you, Dave’s physical condition is too weakened to do that. His white counts are extremely low and so is his physical strength and stamina. Please understand if he does not reply/respond to emails or voicemails. Good days have become fewer and far between. But know that we are so uplifted by your words of encouragement and love and by your prayers.

Thank you for standing with us in prayer. We could not walk this journey without God’s help! Every day we are reminded of your love, encouragement, support and prayers! Thank you for taking the time to express this to us …. it is really appreciated!

A Very Busy Three Weeks

Hi Everyone...these last three weeks have been very busy for the McIntyres and I feel badly that in not keeping the blog current, some misinformation has begun to circulate about my health. I apologize and want you to get the "the straight scoop" directly from "the horse's mouth."

Physically, my condition has deteriorated over the last three weeks and recent tests and appointments have given us some reasons as to why. My energy level has been very low due to my blood counts and I have been back to Yale a couple of times for units of blood. I have also had increasing difficulty with mobility. In a week's time I went from unsteady walking to being unable to stand or walk without assistance. Presently I use a wheelchair to get around. When I saw the doctor he was not surprised by these changes in my situation, knowing the aggressive nature of my cancer. He ordered an MRI this week to get a grasp on what was taking place.

The MRI showed that the nerves in my lower spinal area are being compressed due to the cancer growth. The good news is that the cancer in that area is treatable and I have already begun radiation treatments. Even with just two treatments "under my belt", I can already sense a difference in my body and am encouraged.

During these past three weeks the McIntyre's home has been a very busy place. We celebrated Andrea's birthday with a surprise visit from her two sisters. Also, Elise and Krista planned their own homecoming surprise for mom. More recently two of my college buddies visited and we had a great time of catching up and encouraging each other. So between birthday celebrations, visits from old friends, doctors' visits and increasing physical struggles, it has been a busy time.

How am I doing personally? Well, I face some great challenges in the future. Stamina is low and my body is just plain weak. I continue with a very healthy diet to build it up as best I can. I've had considerable pain due to the nerve compression and just getting around the house is about as big a challenge as I can handle right now. However, I look forward to my physical condition improving as the radiation shrinks the cancer away from the nerves and especially as God's people continue to pray for my healing.

While the physical struggles are real and can be greatly discouraging, I want you to know that I continue to be greatly encouraged in the Lord. He is faithful to His promises and has provided all that I need. He is still in the miracle performing business and I ask that as you pray about all these things, that you remember to praise God for His goodness and to ask Him to do a great work of grace that reveals His power and glory with great clarity.

Thanks for your cards, email comments, Facebook posts, offers of help, phone calls, etc. They are all appreciated. What makes me sad is that I just can't respond to most of them. So, please know the grateful heart that receives them even though I don't have the opportunity to respond to them.

A Moment Apart!

Both Body and Spirit are going to be blended together tonight by one event that has just blessed me so deeply and ministered so profoundly, I feel like I could burst! For those of you who say, "That's a little dramatic, wouldn't you say, Dave?" I would respond, "Sorry, you weren't there Sunday night!"

Body: Many who follow this blog are part of Calvary Church and you know that a special prayer service was called for this past Sunday evening to pray to the Lord, asking for a miracle of healing which He is able to perform at any moment. The staff insisted we have the meeting in the FLC because they felt too many people would come to be handled well in the Sanctuary. They were right. So, with this large audience of those who love me and desired to come before God in prayer for me (including so many from Living Hope, our church plant of two years ago), I was in a pretty wonderful place...even though I had experienced a very tough day physically.

In thinking about this service, I had some very specific things in mind that I wanted to share, so I was the primary spokesman that evening. I shared from James 5 about the elders anointing with oil and offering prayer in faith. And the congregation participated silently as the elders came, anointed me with oil and prayed boldly and passionately about that which was the desire of our hearts. It was a stirring time.

Then the congregation prayed in small groups and later from open mics about the request of our hearts for a miracle on my behalf. I was so grateful to be there and to be prayed for in such passionate, bold, confident, and joyful ways. It was remarkable.

Spirit:

But this is where the evening just took my joy to a new level. You see, I had addressed those gathered about the reason we pray so tentatively. We almost hide behind, "if it be Your will" or "according to Your will." It's like throwing that phrase in there makes the prayer "safe" (because I don't want to pray something that isn't God's will). We often times don't know how to balance confidence, boldness and passion in prayer with God's will...as if they were in conflict with each other!

So I reminded the believers that the Bible says we are children of the King who have the unstoppable power of the Holy Spirit who raised Jesus Christ from the dead living in us and inviting us to offer big requests of a God who can do great things. I also shared with them that when I made a request of my dad as a kid, I asked with all my heart. First, because I really wanted whatever I was asking about. But second, I knew that he had ultimate veto power and would decide what was truly best...so I was free to ask with confidence and passion, according to what I knew was important to his heart.

That was something the Lord had just burned into my heart in planning the service and I prayed that it would be shared clearly and understood correctly. To then watch God's people grab it and apply it in prayer was amazing.

Not only did they pray that way for me, but this is where the evening took off into another realm. You see, my long term goal for the evening was that this not just be a prayer service for Dave McIntyre, but a prayer service for people in need who were asking for people to come alongside and lift them up in prayer. And that is what they did! I was so blessed to see our elders ministering in powerful ways as people came up and shared requests with them; they summarized the requests to the congregation and scores of people would jump to pray for that person in a huddle. The requests kept coming and the people kept rejoicing in the privilege of praying boldly before the Father. I praised God as I saw prayer circles all around the FLC, knowing they were bringing the requests of their brother and sisters to God boldly and in faith.

My heart was blessed beyond measure Sunday night. As my body struggles, my heart continues to grow and soar in Him.

Please continue to pray -- the down days come and, already since Sunday, moments of fear and frustration and discouragement have come knocking...but we've sent them packing each time, thanks to His grace.

Making The Most Of Our Time

Body: I continue with the new diet and regimen...almost a week into it. It has presented some special challenges for Andrea as she has much extra preparation of foods. But, as is normally the case, she does it all with love and graciousness.

I met with my doctor last Friday and we discussed the limited options that chemo offers. I indicated that I was ready for a change in direction. He suggested that we meet this week to finally discuss treatment options. That meeting will take place this afternoon. I'm hoping that I'll not only understand the various support services that Yale can offer but how I am to proceed with evaluations of my condition and proactive treatments for pain management.

The pain in my bones is becoming more regular. I often take a pain pill for a portion of the day. However, I continue to wait on the Lord and am so grateful for so many who pray in faith asking God for His miracle. I truly am blessed. My schedule is pretty open since I really can't commit to much of anything at present. I'm resting a lot and eating a lot!

Spirit: Romans 13:5-14 "Making The Most Of Our Time"

The urgency of living well and enjoying each moment is not lost on a person in a life and death struggle with cancer. Often a special phrase comes along to emphasize the point. In a Puritan Prayer, I read, "May I speak each word as if my last word, and walk each step as if my final one. If my life should end today, let this be my best day."

Great sentiment! How do I do that? There are many different statements of it, but Romans 13 has to be one of the most concise and simply stated yet thorough. Let our only outstanding debt be to love others -- a debt which is never finished because of the enormity of Jesus' love for us. Paul even states that love fulfills the Law fully...because everything in the Law is either about loving God or truly loving others. Love only does what blesses and benefits. Finally, he summarizes it nicely in vs 14: clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus and not the desires of the flesh. Pretty simple and straight forward. Pretty thorough and accurate. An incredibly high standard by which to live.

That's how you are prepared for your last day on earth, for the trumpet to sound, for God to call us home!

How do I love better today? How do I look more like Jesus this day? Where does His love come out, spontaneously or planned? What a special privilege the day holds and in its unscripted way, I write the play. Let's title it, "Dave's Best Day!" and then compare it to tomorrow's version of "Dave's Best Day!" Love for God and others being the key measure.

"Lord, I am weak and distracted by a number of things. No excuse! May today's version of 'Dave's Best Day!' bring joy to Your heart and a smile to my lips...and some wonderful surprises to people along the way."

Refreshed, Revived and Redirected

Body: The PET scan's results of December 23 were quite a surprise. What was supposed to be a simple confirmation of good results from treatment and radiation revealed quite the opposite. We spent that evening as a family working through the disappointment and shock, which was a wonderful time for us. Then we watched as the Lord provided us with grace and strength to focus our attention on the birth of His Son and the wonder of that incredible miracle, a Baby that changes everything...which would benefit us.

Because the cancer had become so aggressive, I had an MRI that day (12/23) and began radiation treatment to drive the cancer back from my spinal column beginning the next morning. Twelve treatments were prescribed and have been completed which has relieved much pain from my back (although I still have a very numb jaw). Daily trips to Yale did not stop us from having a wonderful time as a family during this relaxed season. We even made a trip into NYC for a day. Time with the girls and extended family kept me focused on God's blessings and goodness.

It was clear, though, that something would need to change...and change soon. This aggressive cancer was continuing to work and I wasn't sure what the next step should be. In evaluating options, many have suggested a wide variety of offerings and each one has been appreciated because I know the hearts from which they come. However, I have made a decision to continue working with Yale where their treatment options are helpful, and to go to a naturopathic approach with very specific diet and supplements. I have started this regimen which will take several weeks to implement fully. For this reason, I won't be as accessible as I would like since I really need to focus on taking care of and resting my body.

In addition, I have taken great encouragement from the Word of God and His power to heal His people. This is a powerful area where God has challenged me and I'll be sharing more in a few moments.

So, for now, I am refreshed because of time with family and the miracle of God sending a Baby; revived from the sense that nothing more can be done; and redirected to new ways to pressing on for His glory and for our good as His church.

Spirit: "Your Very Great Reward" Genesis 15:1

There is always much to learn from our Heavenly Father. Things we think we know and have mastered are often areas where He needs to take us to greater depth of understanding. Such has been the case with me and I humbly share it with you.

From my earliest diagnosis of lymphoma, I have proclaimed my trust in His will and plan for my life. I have tried never to question or doubt His wisdom. He knows what is best and I trust Him implicitly.

I haven't wavered from that confidence through the many treatments I've received. Yet with each discouraging report, I would be struck by that same conviction, "He is in control and I will trust Him!" There were times when I needed to adjust my mindset and take some time to regather my thoughts, but throughout this journey, I have truly desired to proclaim my faith and confidence in His power to heal and accomplish His purposes.

December 23's report was different than the others and therefore had to be wrestled with more deeply. It also challenged my faith more deeply because it bore down hard to where my true faith and confidence lay. Was I just saying my confidence was in God but as man's treatment options failed, my faith was shrinking and fear was rising? Or was this the moment God was waiting for...the moment in which all my sources of confidence were shattered and He was all I had left!! We sometimes fool ourselves in our statements. We mean what we say, but we have an escape hatch, a fall back position, a safety valve for "rescue."

Since December 23, I have realized that I have nothing but God. He is IT!! Finis!! Done!! The End!! Unless He steps in and performs His miraculous work, I will not survive. And that has been a great comfort, because He IS enough!!

To Abraham, God said in Gen. 15:1, "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward." What a wonderful descriptor of my relationship with God. It's where I always want to be. The uncertainties are enormous, but I do not need to be afraid. God is my protector...that's what a shield is all about. It keeps the enemy and his blows at bay. I am protected. And being His child is not just a blessing...it is a reward...a great reward...a very great reward. There's no greater reward on earth and no more thorough way to have the needs of life met! This isn't a reward I earned but one He gave through His Son. I am His child. He is sufficient!! Being close to Him is the greatest place to be. He will heal as He desires.

I am claiming that blessing of healing and would ask you to pray for His healing for me. But above all else, as my Father, He IS the reward...a huge, over-the-top reward. I am pressing on "Refreshed, Revived and Redirected" for His glory and looking for His continued hand of blessing on my life.

Will you join me?

Disappointing News

Body: The news from the doctor today was not what we had hoped. I feel badly not being able to give some encouraging news to you. So many of you have emailed, texted, called and commented on the fact that you are praying for me and my family. I'm truly grateful and deeply blessed.

However, the PET scan revealed that the cancer has spread and is no longer confined to the lymph system but has become a systemic issue. Some of you who have spent time with me recently know that I have had some upper back and neck pain. I had thought this was from working out at the gym too aggressively too early. But it is because the cancer is pressing against the spinal column. As the doctor showed us the PET scan, it lit up like a Christmas tree...and that is NOT a good thing.

He sent me down immediately for an MRI so next steps could be planned. The immediate concern is the spinal cord, so radiation is being scheduled to begin tomorrow! I received a call from the doctor this evening as I was coming home and I will be in his office at 10:00 am tomorrow. This will probably be just 10 radiation treatments.

Meanwhile, I'll be starting on some new meds and my doctor will be giving a new type of chemo in the near future to try to address the many other places where the cancer is active.

I won't try to be coy or cute or brave, this was hard news for our family and we are working it through before the Lord this evening. Thanks for praying for us.

Spirit: Over the last several days I wondered what I would share with you on the blog tonight and what has just hit me is this: I'd like to share a "patchwork quilt." A patchwork quilt often has great significance because each of the patches either represents something special or is taken from a fabric which has special meaning. So here is the patchwork quilt I share with you this evening. I know it will keep us all "warm" in His grace:

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.' The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." Lamentations 3:21-26

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want..." Psalm 23:1

A friend reminded me of a message my dad preached a number of times from Genesis 22 where Abraham is asked to sacrifice Isaac but at the last moment God provides a substitute. And Abraham learns another name for God, "The Lord Will Provide." Genesis 22:14

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:29-31

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far..." Philippians 1:21-23

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

There will probably be a number of updates over the next few days, so I may just add a few more "patches" to the quilt with each update. This quilt could get pretty big, pretty fast!! Thanks for praying and caring.

25 Down, 0 To Go!!

Body: Yes, you read it right! I finished my radiation treatments yesterday morning and can gratefully say that the side effects have not been too difficult to endure. I was prepared for something much worse than I experienced and I know that fervent prayer has played a critical role in this entire process of being carried through treatment. Other than some X's on my body which should wear off sometime:-); a little difficulty with swallowing which I'm told will quickly improve; and some chest and back redness from the radiation, I'm doing great. I didn't experience the severe reactions that "might have been" and my strength has actually improved over the last three weeks. Even my hair has started returning (just in time for winter)!! Thank you for praying for me and my family.

A PET scan has been scheduled for December 23 at Yale. This will help us determine the effectiveness of the radiation and check the rest of my body for evidence of cancer. Obviously, this is another important test, which my Father already knows all about. Please join me and my family in praying for clear results.

Spirit: God's Work Continues Acts 12:1-19

What an incredible miracle the Lord accomplished in bringing Peter out of prison in spite of being guarded by sixteen of Rome's finest soldiers. The story is filled with miracle after miracle. What makes it especially exciting is that this is a "last minute" rescue. Peter was going to trial the next morning!! Our God is able!! What a great story of His intervening power on display.

Something easily missed in all the excitement is that fervent prayer is taking place at the same time the miracles are occurring. Even though the answer to the believers' prayers was standing right outside their door, the weakness of the their faith is clearly evident. "It couldn't be Peter," they said. "He's in prison. The person knocking must be 'his angel'!" (verse 15) We ask for a miracle...and then explain it away when it occurs! Amazing and yet, I can identify!

As I have journeyed through this struggle with cancer, I'm so grateful that people whose faith is imperfect, just like mine is, have been fervently praying for me. I know that if the Lord chooses to heal me, the role of passionate prayer by a host of brothers and sisters in Christ cannot be minimized. It is amazing what He is able to do through frail vessels like us. If we see God's hand of healing at work, let's not doubt that HE has done GREAT things! May His work be an impetus for more fervent prayer and greater, stronger and more mature faith.

It IS my prayer that as we reflect back on this journey in the future, we will all be able to rejoice in God's powerful hand overcoming this cancer. But let me also point out another very important part of this passage. In verse 2 we see that instead of saving James, the Lord allowed him to be killed by Herod. In one instance, God answers through a remarkable series of miracles; in another, the Lord allows His own to be killed. Both are part of His plan; both are allowed by His loving hand; and both bring glory to His name.

There are mysteries to God's will which only the heart of God can fathom. In my mind, the "Peter" scenario is far better than the "James" scenario. That is what I pray will take place as I consider my situation. However, I am gratefully and trustingly in God's hand to further His Kingdom as He sees fit. If He chooses not to heal, my faith (our faith) in His greatness and goodness must not be diminished. My focus on His face must only be intensified. He truly knows what is best...and that is sufficient.

So, we win either way, as long as we remember that He is great and good in all He does and that the building of His Kingdom is truly the most important issue!

Radiation Underway

Body: 9 down, 16 to go!! The countdown continues. I'm 9 radiation treatments into a 25 treatment schedule. Sorry it has been so long since my last post. I have been getting emails and Facebook posts wondering what is happening.

So far the treatments are going well and there have been no noticeable side effects. There is a cumulative effect, so there may be some "surprises" waiting for me down the road. The doctor indicated that after treatment 10 I may begin to feel some effects. Thanks for praying.

I should finish up with all 25 treatments the day before Thanksgiving. Guess what I'll be thankful for this year!!

For those who are wondering about evaluating the effectiveness of these treatments, let me share the general schedule with you. I will not know anything new until the next PET scan which the oncologist says will take place in late December. The full effect of the radiation treatments won't be clear until three months after completion according to the radiologist. That's because there is inflammation which needs time to heal.

So, I feel I'm in a situation like the World War II pilots faced. The order to proceed with the mission has been given and we are under "total blackout" conditions until the mission is complete. There will be a couple months of "silence" while the mission proceeds and I'll be happy to give you results when there are any to share. Thanks for praying.

Spirit: The Right Words John 12:50

It is always so encouraging to speak a word and have confidence that it is exactly the right word for the situation. Jesus always had that feeling according to John 12:50, "So whatever I say is just what the Father has told Me to say." The reason He always had that feeling according to His own statement is not because He is God, but because He only said what the Father told Him to say. What's the difference? He IS God and He and the Father ARE one (John 10:30).

In one sense, they are the same; there is no difference, which is why I find Christ's statement interesting. The Godhead knows fully and communicates perfectly, so anything any One of them says is perfect. In another sense, though, there is a big difference and a significant instruction point for me. Jesus spoke only what the Father told Him to say. He listened and repeated. He didn't question, doubt, revise, re-word, shift or clarify. He just stated and repeated. His great concern was to hear His Father's voice...and repeat what the Father said. If that was important for Jesus here on earth, how much more important is it for me?

The closer I stick to the Word, the more confidence I'll have in what I say. The more His Word fills my life, the more it shapes my attitudes and words...and the more confidence I can have in their worth, accuracy and helpfulness; even when they are words of confrontation. This time I spend each morning in the Word is the most important time and appointment I have all day because it prepares me to speak with confidence in a variety of contexts.

"Lord, thank you for this time in Your Word. May I pay close attention so that Your truth permeates my being. I want to have something to say which reflects Your Word deeply etched into my soul."

A New Chapter

Body: As many of you know, I am heading into a new chapter in this battle with cancer. It is the radiation chapter. I have had a lot of questions about this chapter and was able to have a meeting with my oncologist of the past three years today. It was a very helpful meeting for me and I share some of the details with you.

Chemo has taken me almost as far as it is able. There are one or two more things that could be tried, but this cancer is just very resistant to most of the chemos that are available. What was very encouraging to me is that the doctor spoke with the radiologist and has great confidence in his training and skill to do the work that needs to be done. Also, the doctor is confident that even though the cancer has grown significantly, the type of radiation being given will be broad enough to encompass the entire area affected. Also, thus far, the resistant cancer appears to be localized in a relatively small area so the radiation may be very effective in removing it.

Two prayer requests as I start this journey on Wednesday: first, pray that the radiation would be effective in destroying the cancer it is targeting. There are situations where it is resistant even to radiation. Second, pray that the cancer is truly localized and when destroyed doesn't "spring up" in another spot at another time.

Thanks!!

Spirit: "Your Son Will Live" John 4:50

A distraught father seeks whatever help he can find for his dying son. The situation is grave and he has heard that the Man who is said to have turned water into wine some time ago has returned to Cana of Galilee. His home in Capernaum is not that far from Cana. It wouldn't matter if it was much further!! It couldn't hurt -- a last ditch effort to save his son -- so he goes to request a miracle of Jesus.

As this man pours out his heart to Jesus, he requests that Jesus come to Capernaum to heal his son. In His response, Jesus shares His concern with His growing popularity, "Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders you will never believe." The crowds are looking for signs and wonders; Jesus is looking for faith.

Jesus finds just the right way to perform a miracle to meet the need of this man AND at the same time, grow the man's faith. Jesus says, "You may go. Your son will live." This wasn't the plan the father had in mind. Jesus was supposed to accompany him to Capernaum and heal his son. Now Jesus tells him to go home; that the son will live.

Do you see what Jesus has done? He has performed the miracle and at the same time challenged the man's faith. Will the father trust Jesus? The next sentence reads, "The man took Jesus at His word and departed." Faith grows in the father and his son is healed.

I really like the "son is healed" part of this story. I'm not as wild about the "faith grows" part...unless it is linked to the healing. Yet to Jesus, THAT is the most important part.

What has God been up to in this cancer? He knows I have cancer and that I desire healing. He could have kept this cancer from becoming aggressive. He could have healed me after one round of chemo. He certainly knows how unsettling the yo-yo of PET scan results is: bad, good, bad. Why isn't the radiation phase of treatment a "sure thing?" Do you see the issue? I'm just like that father. I keep pressing Him for the miracle. He keeps pressing for the trust.

So, will I "take Jesus at His word"? Will I exchange my priority for His? Will I trust Him and desire Him more than the miracle I seek? Will I exchange my natural desire of healing for His desire for faith growth?

Is my confidence based on doctors' prognoses, probabilities, skills, and treatment options? Or is it based on a look at the Savior's face knowing that He can heal -- no matter what the odds are?

The title of this blog is "Hope Does Not Disappoint." Hope is faith projected into the future. Do I really believe that whatever He plans will be right, satisfying, good, and pleasing? Yes, I do!

"Please, Lord, help me in my struggle to believe, rest and wait on You. May Your priority of faith development shape my focus on healing. Help me to ask well, but trust better!"

Continuing to "Press On"

Thanks to so many who have been praying for me and my family today. It has been so encouraging to receive texts, emails, Facebook wall posts, etc. indicating that you have been standing with us in prayer. We continue to be grateful and in need of that prayer support.

Body: Today was the PET scan and blood test to see what progress I've been making in this cancer battle. The blood levels have risen slowly...nothing great, but slowly (I am definitely a "slow student"). The levels also explain why I still struggle with much exertion, climbing stairs, etc. The PET scan showed that the cancer is growing again. It is significantly larger than it was at the last PET scan, but a little smaller than it was two PET scans ago, when it really flared. It is definitely resistant to chemo and is determined to make life challenging. The good news is that it continues to be localized in my chest.

Radiation therapy will begin as soon as possible to contain it and remove it. I have an appointment for Tuesday with the radiologist and the process will begin. Also, I was told I'll get a "good dose" of radiation...meaning that it will be 4 - 5 weeks of daily treatment (5 days a week).

Certainly this isn't the news we were hoping for, but we are confident of the Lord's wisdom, love and purpose for our family in this process. To Him be the glory!

Spirit: "Great Peace" Psalm 119:165

Doesn't that sound good? Great Peace!! Not just peace, shalom, wholeness and rightness in every area of life, but GREAT peace. The picture in my mind is one of absolute stability, no matter what. This is an unflappable person -- no matter what comes their way. This is a person with awareness, perspective, confidence and a hopeful outlook. As the verse points out, "...nothing can make them stumble." That's stability!!

How do you get these things in a life? Are you born with it; is it a function of controlling circumstances; is it a matter of having deep pockets (lots of money) or right friends (in high places)? None of these can assure a person of great peace...or even peace! But what these things can't assure, God's Word can.

How can a book do that? It is Who wrote the book -- the All-Powerful, All-Knowing, Always Present, Creator God. It is what the book contains -- only that which is truthful, reliable and trustworthy. And, it is how that truth, applied to a life, changes a man and focuses his heart. The result: GREAT Peace!

I have proven to myself again this week that I have a long way to go in letting that Word of God change me so great peace controls me. There are so many ways I get tripped up. When I think I have one area mastered, another blind spot surfaces. What is really frustrating is repeat courses. "I already took that course!" But it is back and I blew it...time to repeat the course. Praise God for His forgiveness and that the offer of great peace is never taken off the table.

"Lord, I want the rest of my days to be days of great peace. May Your Word do its work and may I willingly submit to it and You."

Press On

Body: This has been a great week for me. I didn't have to go to Yale for anything...and I didn't miss the trips or the IV's. It was a week to get some rest and get ready for today. I was able to preach this morning for the first time in several weeks and I was grateful for the strength and opportunity to do it. It was too long for a communion meditation, but people slept quietly:-)

While my stamina is still in short supply, I have felt better as the week progressed and my appetite has increased as well. Foods are starting to taste pretty good:-) Sleeping has improved, so I am generally doing very well.

Tuesday is the "big day" as I head to Yale for a PET scan, blood tests, and a meeting with doctors for results of the PET scan. I would appreciate your prayers as I prepare my heart for whatever news is shared.

Spirit: I must tell you that as I approach what I hope is the end of the chemo and a transition to radiation, I am so very grateful for so many who have offered great encouragement to me and my family. Some of those kindnesses have been huge; some have been small; all have been appreciated.

When the chemo was getting pretty intense earlier this summer and I was really feeling pretty lousy, a friend from many years ago mentioned the song, "Press On" by Selah in a Facebook post. I quickly did a YouTube search and found it. I have played it over and over again. I believe it is a powerful song which speaks of focused resolve. The Apostle Paul possessed it (Phil 3:12-14) and I pray that my life will exemplify it someday as well. Take a listen; I believe you will be encouraged and challenged: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Bg2cJ5bw2k

Slow Progress

Body: Progress has been measured in millimeters, not meters in recent days. I just haven't felt well and it isn't one specific thing, it is several. Blood levels have continued to remain low after the initial encouragement with the white blood cells. The reason: they stopped the booster shots so they could see how my body was doing on its own in manufacturing whites, reds and platelets. And, it wasn't doing too well.

On Saturday, my heart was "acting up" with some irregular heartbeats due to the atrial fibrillation. I had to take one of the heart pills which "whacked" me pretty hard. Discouraging.

On Sunday I went in to Yale to check my blood levels and everything was down. So, they gave me a bag of blood which wiped me out for the rest of the day...very discouraging.

Yesterday I just felt lousy all day. Couldn't pin it down, but there were several things that just weren't right...even more discouraging.

Today, however, I went back to Yale for an echocardiogram (for the cardiologist) and for a blood levels check and for the first time in a long time everything was moving in the right direction. Not anything major, but small, definite progress. How grateful I was for this wonderful encouragement. I felt much better today and I don't have to go back until Friday for another blood test.

Also, I received word that my next PET scan will be on Tuesday, October 5, so I ask you to keep that in prayer.

Spirit: "Meanwhile, back at the ranch...."

In spite of some of the struggles of the past couple of weeks, I must tell you that I have been deeply ministered to and encouraged by the men of our church. In the midst of struggle, the Lord always knows how to bring encouragement. This past Saturday, twenty-four guys descended on our house with paint brushes, ladders, enthusiasm and hearts of gold. Seven-and- one-half hours later, the exterior of our house was painted -- trim and siding! What a great demonstration of love and concern for a brother who just couldn't do the work.

These guys worked hard and did excellent work. The house is beautiful and my family and I are so grateful. I've included some pictures of the event in progress so you can see the great blessing I received.

So there you have it; the body ministering to one another that God might be glorified and needs might be met.

Quick Update

Body: I am home!! I was able to come home last night after receiving two transfusions (reds and platelets) yesterday. It was great to be home.

But here is the exciting news (to me...act excited): Saturday's white cell count was .1; Sunday's was .2; Monday's was .8; and today, it was up to 2.7!! It appears those stem cells have found homes and are starting to do some work!! Thanks for rejoicing with me.

Spirit: I thank God for His faithfulness and this encouragement; His Name is near.

Continue to pray about the low grade fever with which I have struggled and the stabilizing of the blood levels (the reds and platelets, especially). Thanks so much.