Hope Does Not Disappoint

Our Dad

2011-03-26T23:00:00.004-04:00

Closing thoughts about our Dad from his three girls.

We grew up roaming the halls of this building. Running up and down the seemingly large staircase to the office labeled “Pastor Dave McIntyre.” To most, that was the title he was known by and the title most will remember him by, but to us, he was always Daddy first.

Our Dad taught us many things throughout our lives that have shaped who we are and who we still aspire to be. Some are serious but some are funny. Dad taught us to always be creative when it comes to Halloween costumes, and to never be afraid to laugh at yourself…even if that means the whole church gets to laugh along with the sermon illustration. He taught us it’s never a bad idea to have an absurd amount of jolly ranchers in your office and to never give up on our Dallas Cowboys and Michigan football teams. He taught us to have a healthy love of Sunday afternoon football, and to never interrupt with questions until commercials because he was in the “football zone.” He taught us how to stack wood properly, how to effectively rake leaves into a tarp, and how to cut the grass on a rider mower. (We learned how to avoid doing all three on our own) He tried to teach us to have a love of action movies, but we ended up usually watching something like Pride and Prejudice or You’ve Got Mail. Our Dad often rolled his eyes at his ridiculous girls, but we never felt more love than we did from our Daddy growing up.

In addition to all the funny life lessons, Dad taught us about integrity. Whether playing board games when we were children, or when we begged to go to China Town to buy fake coach purses, Dad always told us to live in a way that was pleasing to God. This integrity also bled into the way he treated people in his life. Dad was always honest and open with people who came to him in his office or approached him after church. There were times he couldn’t agree with their actions, or what they believed, but he always spoke the truth in love.

Throughout our lives Dad also lived out having a servant’s heart and made that something that we desired as well. No job was too small for Dad to do at Calvary Church. We remember stuffing bulletins on a Saturday night, turning off lights and securing the church after everyone had gone home, hosting numerous families for holidays, and even cleaning up coffee spills during Sunday School. Dad was a servant and throughout his life, made sure that we knew God’s desire for servant’s hearts as well.

It’s no secret that Dad had the gift of writing. Expressing himself through words is one of the main ways we can all remember him. As Dad wrote sermons, he poured out the words the Holy Spirit laid on his heart for the people of Calvary Church. We also benefitted from many a letter and short email or note that came our way during difficult moments as we grew up. Dad always seemed to know exactly what to say to express his love…and make us cry. We’ve recently realized that we’re not the only ones who received cards, emails, or letters during difficult moments. His writing always had an underlying note of love and this is another lesson we’ve learned from him. Dad loved people and showed that love in whatever way he could. We hope to continue to love in the way he loved…the way that Christ loved.

Most importantly, Dad taught us how to live as Christ would in our daily lives. Through his love for people, his solid and unwavering faith in his Savior, and his servant’s heart Dad tried to be Jesus and encouraged others to do the same. We would be remiss to not express Dad’s passion for Jesus Christ and his life’s mission to try and make sure that everyone else got to know Him as well. We never would have wished our father to have cancer, and worse yet, to die from it, but we also are continually amazed to see the amount of lives that Dad touched during his fight with the disease. Many a doctor, nurse, and random other patient was softly spoken to by Dad. He made them smile with his sense of humor and made them think as he witnessed to them through his words and actions. His heart’s desire to spread Christ has become our hearts desire. We want you all to see our Dad again, and to rejoice with us one day in heaven.

Our Dad is an amazing man. His legacy will live on in our lives and in many others as well. Some will remember his smile, others his voice as he led the church in song. There may be some that remember a specific sermon he gave, or a note or scripture he shared. For us, we remember the way he called us Squirt, Peanut, and Munchkin. We remember the sound of the garage door when he came home from work. We remember the way he laughed at a really funny story, and the way he held us when we cried. We remember holding his hand and we remember the way he would say, “I love you so much.” It was our honor and privilege to share our Dad with you and we’re glad we won’t be the only ones that remember him. We love you Daddy, we always will.

2011-03-22T23:01:00.004-04:00

Calling Hours and Memorial Service for Dave will take place at Calvary Church, 498 White Plains Road, in Trumbull, Connecticut 06611.

Calling Hours: Friday, March 25, from 4:00 to 8:00 pm
Memorial Service: Saturday, March 26, at 1:00 pm

In lieu of flowers, contributions may be given to the Calvary Church Memorial Fund. These gifts in Dave's memory, will be used equally for The Sudan Project and the Calvary Church Building Fund.

It can be said of Dave.....

2011-03-22T03:34:00.005-04:00

It can be said of Dave, "I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. Now there is in store for me the crown of righteousness, which the Lord, the Righteous Judge, will award to me on that day....." (2 Timothy 4:7&8). Dave's battle with lymphoma came to an end early this morning as he went to be with Jesus. He is completely healed!

While this is a sad time we do not "grieve like people who have no hope." (1 Thessalonians 4:23)
We know that as he took his last breath on this earth, he was instantly being welcomed by his Father in heaven. He is rejoicing in the presence of his Savior.

At this point, no arrangements have been made but they will be posted when available. The family rests in Jesus at this difficult time. Please pray as arrangements are finalized and also for family who will be traveling.
Posted by Calvary Staff

The Journey Continues

2011-03-21T16:18:00.005-04:00

Although Dave's health continues to decline, he is experiencing discomfort rather than the severe pain of the past months. Thank you for your continued prayers as this is a direct answer to prayer. The girls were at home this past weekend loving on their Dad and helping with his care. Hospice is helping provide more comfort for Dave. Krista and Elise will be returning on Wednesday to be with their Dad. They know his days on earth are coming to an end and they want to spend as much time with him as they can. Your prayers and many expressions of love continue to sustain the family. Please pray for: Krista's and Elise's flights home; relief from discomfort; a meaningful time with family in coming days; wisdom as they care for Dave each day.

Difficult days....

2011-03-19T00:30:00.005-04:00

Well.....he's home! Somehow, "coming home from the hospital" has the connotation of someone getting better. However, right now, we as a family are trying to wrap our minds around the fact that Dave is not getting better. Even though the infection he had was successfully treated and even though he did get several units of blood and platelets during the 4 days he was at the hospital, he is still gradually losing his battle with cancer. This is no surprise to God; we know that God is sovereign and He will not take Dave home one day sooner than He originally planned. But we will confess that this is a very difficult time for us.....we were hoping to have our dad/husband around for many more years. We are totally trusting in God's plan, His timing and His will, knowing He is our LOVING heavenly Father and will see us through whatever lies before us. We don't walk this road alone....we're so thankful He is right beside us!

We have been so encouraged by the many ways you have reached out to us and we have been upheld by your prayers! In these difficult days that lie ahead, can we ask that you continue to hold us up in prayer and ask that God's strength, comfort and peace be ours? We would really appreciate that! Thank you again for your expressions of love!

~ Andrea and the girls

Quick update

2011-03-17T08:40:00.001-04:00

Just got the word that Dave is going to be discharged from the hospital today. He does need some platelets and/or blood before leaving, but at least he will be able to come home when that is done. Again, thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers!

Update on Dave

2011-03-15T16:14:00.004-04:00

Dave was admitted to the hospital on Sunday evening and is being treated for an infection. He is also receiving blood and platelets. At this point, it is not certain when he will be returning home but please continue to check this blog. His mother and brother are flying in today for a brief visit. Thank you for your continued prayers and expressions of love.

Where we are today...

2011-03-12T18:39:00.005-05:00

This is Andrea posting this time. It is hard to believe that it’s been 2 weeks since our last post. In one sense, it has gone so quickly and in another, it seems like a very long time, with the days running together. It’s been a blur of activity – radiation treatments, trips back and forth to the hospital, family visits, doctor appointments, some “complications”, etc. We were very happy to see that the heart complication which necessitated a short hospital stay was taken care of by a new medication.

Thank you for your continued prayers, cards, emails, gifts, offers of help, etc. which remind us that we are part of the family of God and He is caring for us in more ways than we could ask or imagine through this difficult time. We are so humbled and blessed by your love and prayers!

Dave enjoyed a wonderful visit with his brother and sister last week. It was so great for us to reconnect with them as distance and the “grown up children stage” of our lives has prevented us from seeing them very much over the last several years. This weekend, we are so excited to have all three of our girls home again! We are soaking in every minute! Then, this next week, Dave’s brother is flying in with his mom for a few days. It is a flurry of activity, but time that will be well spent and very much needed.

I’d like to be able to report that things are going well and Dave’s strength is increasing, but that isn’t the case. While the radiation has provided relief of the lower back pain, we continue to have a “roller coaster” ride of physical symptoms and, as a result, emotions. There are good days and bad days; then there are better days and really awful days. It has been difficult to fight discouragement, but we are continually reminded of God’s sovereignty and His love.

So the big question is, “How is Dave doing?” Physically, the cancer is spreading and causing many complications. His mobility has still not returned. Although the radiation has removed the cancer from the lower spinal cord/nerve endings, the doctor said that nerves can take a while to mend and it will probably be a while before he can stand/walk again. We are trying to work on exercises to keep the muscle tone in his legs.

The radiation and some of the meds he needs upset his stomach and he doesn’t feel much like eating. His weight is down, but we are pumping down as much good food in him as we can get, bits at a time. Some of the medication also impedes his concentration, making writing emails or having long conversations difficult for him. Recently, he started with some lightheadedness and dizziness, causing difficulty focusing his eyes as well as a nauseous feeling.

We thought some of the meds and/or low blood counts were causing this dizziness but both were ruled out on an MRI of his head this past Thursday. Results showed that there is cancer involvement in the brain. He began radiation treatment to the head the same day. This should help alleviate the dizziness and allow him to focus clearly without the world “spinning around him”.

Although it seems to us that we keep receiving more bad news than good news, we know that it is just the nature of an aggressive cancer. Unless God intervenes with a miracle, his condition will continue to worsen. Of course, we continue to pray for a miracle…but we also pray that God will give him grace and courage for each day and for minimum discomfort.

Spiritually, I have been reminded of these verses over and over again, “ ‘For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways,’ declares the Lord. ‘As the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways and my thoughts than your thoughts.’"

As a family, our “way” is that God would heal Dave completely. We have been praying for that and believing that God can do that! It seems, however, from the physical symptoms which we are observing, that God may have another “way” than what we’d like to see.

Does that mean He is not good and gracious and loving and kind? Absolutely not! It just means that sometimes we never will see what God is doing through His “ways” on this earth. But we know He IS in control and He IS working out His plan and He IS changing and transforming lives through all of this. We just may have to wait until we get to heaven to see how He worked through it all.

From a human standpoint, we may not like being the “instrument” that He works through or being the ones that He teaches lessons through BUT from an eternal standpoint, “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose.” To God be the glory….we pray that we will live our lives as a testimony to His great love and power. The road is difficult, but we know that God is giving us the strength for each minute of each day.

While we would love to visit with so many of you, Dave’s physical condition is too weakened to do that. His white counts are extremely low and so is his physical strength and stamina. Please understand if he does not reply/respond to emails or voicemails. Good days have become fewer and far between. But know that we are so uplifted by your words of encouragement and love and by your prayers.

Thank you for standing with us in prayer. We could not walk this journey without God’s help! Every day we are reminded of your love, encouragement, support and prayers! Thank you for taking the time to express this to us …. it is really appreciated!

A Very Busy Three Weeks

2011-02-25T18:43:00.003-05:00

Hi Everyone...these last three weeks have been very busy for the McIntyres and I feel badly that in not keeping the blog current, some misinformation has begun to circulate about my health. I apologize and want you to get the "the straight scoop" directly from "the horse's mouth."

Physically, my condition has deteriorated over the last three weeks and recent tests and appointments have given us some reasons as to why. My energy level has been very low due to my blood counts and I have been back to Yale a couple of times for units of blood. I have also had increasing difficulty with mobility. In a week's time I went from unsteady walking to being unable to stand or walk without assistance. Presently I use a wheelchair to get around. When I saw the doctor he was not surprised by these changes in my situation, knowing the aggressive nature of my cancer. He ordered an MRI this week to get a grasp on what was taking place.

The MRI showed that the nerves in my lower spinal area are being compressed due to the cancer growth. The good news is that the cancer in that area is treatable and I have already begun radiation treatments. Even with just two treatments "under my belt", I can already sense a difference in my body and am encouraged.

During these past three weeks the McIntyre's home has been a very busy place. We celebrated Andrea's birthday with a surprise visit from her two sisters. Also, Elise and Krista planned their own homecoming surprise for mom. More recently two of my college buddies visited and we had a great time of catching up and encouraging each other. So between birthday celebrations, visits from old friends, doctors' visits and increasing physical struggles, it has been a busy time.

How am I doing personally? Well, I face some great challenges in the future. Stamina is low and my body is just plain weak. I continue with a very healthy diet to build it up as best I can. I've had considerable pain due to the nerve compression and just getting around the house is about as big a challenge as I can handle right now. However, I look forward to my physical condition improving as the radiation shrinks the cancer away from the nerves and especially as God's people continue to pray for my healing.

While the physical struggles are real and can be greatly discouraging, I want you to know that I continue to be greatly encouraged in the Lord. He is faithful to His promises and has provided all that I need. He is still in the miracle performing business and I ask that as you pray about all these things, that you remember to praise God for His goodness and to ask Him to do a great work of grace that reveals His power and glory with great clarity.

Thanks for your cards, email comments, Facebook posts, offers of help, phone calls, etc. They are all appreciated. What makes me sad is that I just can't respond to most of them. So, please know the grateful heart that receives them even though I don't have the opportunity to respond to them.

A Moment Apart!

2011-02-01T20:57:00.005-05:00

Both Body and Spirit are going to be blended together tonight by one event that has just blessed me so deeply and ministered so profoundly, I feel like I could burst! For those of you who say, "That's a little dramatic, wouldn't you say, Dave?" I would respond, "Sorry, you weren't there Sunday night!"

Body: Many who follow this blog are part of Calvary Church and you know that a special prayer service was called for this past Sunday evening to pray to the Lord, asking for a miracle of healing which He is able to perform at any moment. The staff insisted we have the meeting in the FLC because they felt too many people would come to be handled well in the Sanctuary. They were right. So, with this large audience of those who love me and desired to come before God in prayer for me (including so many from Living Hope, our church plant of two years ago), I was in a pretty wonderful place...even though I had experienced a very tough day physically.

In thinking about this service, I had some very specific things in mind that I wanted to share, so I was the primary spokesman that evening. I shared from James 5 about the elders anointing with oil and offering prayer in faith. And the congregation participated silently as the elders came, anointed me with oil and prayed boldly and passionately about that which was the desire of our hearts. It was a stirring time.

Then the congregation prayed in small groups and later from open mics about the request of our hearts for a miracle on my behalf. I was so grateful to be there and to be prayed for in such passionate, bold, confident, and joyful ways. It was remarkable.

Spirit:

But this is where the evening just took my joy to a new level. You see, I had addressed those gathered about the reason we pray so tentatively. We almost hide behind, "if it be Your will" or "according to Your will." It's like throwing that phrase in there makes the prayer "safe" (because I don't want to pray something that isn't God's will). We often times don't know how to balance confidence, boldness and passion in prayer with God's will...as if they were in conflict with each other!

So I reminded the believers that the Bible says we are children of the King who have the unstoppable power of the Holy Spirit who raised Jesus Christ from the dead living in us and inviting us to offer big requests of a God who can do great things. I also shared with them that when I made a request of my dad as a kid, I asked with all my heart. First, because I really wanted whatever I was asking about. But second, I knew that he had ultimate veto power and would decide what was truly best...so I was free to ask with confidence and passion, according to what I knew was important to his heart.

That was something the Lord had just burned into my heart in planning the service and I prayed that it would be shared clearly and understood correctly. To then watch God's people grab it and apply it in prayer was amazing.

Not only did they pray that way for me, but this is where the evening took off into another realm. You see, my long term goal for the evening was that this not just be a prayer service for Dave McIntyre, but a prayer service for people in need who were asking for people to come alongside and lift them up in prayer. And that is what they did! I was so blessed to see our elders ministering in powerful ways as people came up and shared requests with them; they summarized the requests to the congregation and scores of people would jump to pray for that person in a huddle. The requests kept coming and the people kept rejoicing in the privilege of praying boldly before the Father. I praised God as I saw prayer circles all around the FLC, knowing they were bringing the requests of their brother and sisters to God boldly and in faith.

My heart was blessed beyond measure Sunday night. As my body struggles, my heart continues to grow and soar in Him.

Please continue to pray -- the down days come and, already since Sunday, moments of fear and frustration and discouragement have come knocking...but we've sent them packing each time, thanks to His grace.

Making The Most Of Our Time

2011-01-19T08:33:00.006-05:00

Body: I continue with the new diet and regimen...almost a week into it. It has presented some special challenges for Andrea as she has much extra preparation of foods. But, as is normally the case, she does it all with love and graciousness.

I met with my doctor last Friday and we discussed the limited options that chemo offers. I indicated that I was ready for a change in direction. He suggested that we meet this week to finally discuss treatment options. That meeting will take place this afternoon. I'm hoping that I'll not only understand the various support services that Yale can offer but how I am to proceed with evaluations of my condition and proactive treatments for pain management.

The pain in my bones is becoming more regular. I often take a pain pill for a portion of the day. However, I continue to wait on the Lord and am so grateful for so many who pray in faith asking God for His miracle. I truly am blessed. My schedule is pretty open since I really can't commit to much of anything at present. I'm resting a lot and eating a lot!

Spirit: Romans 13:5-14 "Making The Most Of Our Time"

The urgency of living well and enjoying each moment is not lost on a person in a life and death struggle with cancer. Often a special phrase comes along to emphasize the point. In a Puritan Prayer, I read, "May I speak each word as if my last word, and walk each step as if my final one. If my life should end today, let this be my best day."

Great sentiment! How do I do that? There are many different statements of it, but Romans 13 has to be one of the most concise and simply stated yet thorough. Let our only outstanding debt be to love others -- a debt which is never finished because of the enormity of Jesus' love for us. Paul even states that love fulfills the Law fully...because everything in the Law is either about loving God or truly loving others. Love only does what blesses and benefits. Finally, he summarizes it nicely in vs 14: clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus and not the desires of the flesh. Pretty simple and straight forward. Pretty thorough and accurate. An incredibly high standard by which to live.

That's how you are prepared for your last day on earth, for the trumpet to sound, for God to call us home!

How do I love better today? How do I look more like Jesus this day? Where does His love come out, spontaneously or planned? What a special privilege the day holds and in its unscripted way, I write the play. Let's title it, "Dave's Best Day!" and then compare it to tomorrow's version of "Dave's Best Day!" Love for God and others being the key measure.

"Lord, I am weak and distracted by a number of things. No excuse! May today's version of 'Dave's Best Day!' bring joy to Your heart and a smile to my lips...and some wonderful surprises to people along the way."

Refreshed, Revived and Redirected

2011-01-14T10:04:00.004-05:00

Body: The PET scan's results of December 23 were quite a surprise. What was supposed to be a simple confirmation of good results from treatment and radiation revealed quite the opposite. We spent that evening as a family working through the disappointment and shock, which was a wonderful time for us. Then we watched as the Lord provided us with grace and strength to focus our attention on the birth of His Son and the wonder of that incredible miracle, a Baby that changes everything...which would benefit us.

Because the cancer had become so aggressive, I had an MRI that day (12/23) and began radiation treatment to drive the cancer back from my spinal column beginning the next morning. Twelve treatments were prescribed and have been completed which has relieved much pain from my back (although I still have a very numb jaw). Daily trips to Yale did not stop us from having a wonderful time as a family during this relaxed season. We even made a trip into NYC for a day. Time with the girls and extended family kept me focused on God's blessings and goodness.

It was clear, though, that something would need to change...and change soon. This aggressive cancer was continuing to work and I wasn't sure what the next step should be. In evaluating options, many have suggested a wide variety of offerings and each one has been appreciated because I know the hearts from which they come. However, I have made a decision to continue working with Yale where their treatment options are helpful, and to go to a naturopathic approach with very specific diet and supplements. I have started this regimen which will take several weeks to implement fully. For this reason, I won't be as accessible as I would like since I really need to focus on taking care of and resting my body.

In addition, I have taken great encouragement from the Word of God and His power to heal His people. This is a powerful area where God has challenged me and I'll be sharing more in a few moments.

So, for now, I am refreshed because of time with family and the miracle of God sending a Baby; revived from the sense that nothing more can be done; and redirected to new ways to pressing on for His glory and for our good as His church.

Spirit: "Your Very Great Reward" Genesis 15:1

There is always much to learn from our Heavenly Father. Things we think we know and have mastered are often areas where He needs to take us to greater depth of understanding. Such has been the case with me and I humbly share it with you.

From my earliest diagnosis of lymphoma, I have proclaimed my trust in His will and plan for my life. I have tried never to question or doubt His wisdom. He knows what is best and I trust Him implicitly.

I haven't wavered from that confidence through the many treatments I've received. Yet with each discouraging report, I would be struck by that same conviction, "He is in control and I will trust Him!" There were times when I needed to adjust my mindset and take some time to regather my thoughts, but throughout this journey, I have truly desired to proclaim my faith and confidence in His power to heal and accomplish His purposes.

December 23's report was different than the others and therefore had to be wrestled with more deeply. It also challenged my faith more deeply because it bore down hard to where my true faith and confidence lay. Was I just saying my confidence was in God but as man's treatment options failed, my faith was shrinking and fear was rising? Or was this the moment God was waiting for...the moment in which all my sources of confidence were shattered and He was all I had left!! We sometimes fool ourselves in our statements. We mean what we say, but we have an escape hatch, a fall back position, a safety valve for "rescue."

Since December 23, I have realized that I have nothing but God. He is IT!! Finis!! Done!! The End!! Unless He steps in and performs His miraculous work, I will not survive. And that has been a great comfort, because He IS enough!!

To Abraham, God said in Gen. 15:1, "Do not be afraid, Abram. I am your shield, your very great reward." What a wonderful descriptor of my relationship with God. It's where I always want to be. The uncertainties are enormous, but I do not need to be afraid. God is my protector...that's what a shield is all about. It keeps the enemy and his blows at bay. I am protected. And being His child is not just a blessing...it is a reward...a great reward...a very great reward. There's no greater reward on earth and no more thorough way to have the needs of life met! This isn't a reward I earned but one He gave through His Son. I am His child. He is sufficient!! Being close to Him is the greatest place to be. He will heal as He desires.

I am claiming that blessing of healing and would ask you to pray for His healing for me. But above all else, as my Father, He IS the reward...a huge, over-the-top reward. I am pressing on "Refreshed, Revived and Redirected" for His glory and looking for His continued hand of blessing on my life.

Will you join me?

Disappointing News

2010-12-23T19:59:00.003-05:00

Body: The news from the doctor today was not what we had hoped. I feel badly not being able to give some encouraging news to you. So many of you have emailed, texted, called and commented on the fact that you are praying for me and my family. I'm truly grateful and deeply blessed.

However, the PET scan revealed that the cancer has spread and is no longer confined to the lymph system but has become a systemic issue. Some of you who have spent time with me recently know that I have had some upper back and neck pain. I had thought this was from working out at the gym too aggressively too early. But it is because the cancer is pressing against the spinal column. As the doctor showed us the PET scan, it lit up like a Christmas tree...and that is NOT a good thing.

He sent me down immediately for an MRI so next steps could be planned. The immediate concern is the spinal cord, so radiation is being scheduled to begin tomorrow! I received a call from the doctor this evening as I was coming home and I will be in his office at 10:00 am tomorrow. This will probably be just 10 radiation treatments.

Meanwhile, I'll be starting on some new meds and my doctor will be giving a new type of chemo in the near future to try to address the many other places where the cancer is active.

I won't try to be coy or cute or brave, this was hard news for our family and we are working it through before the Lord this evening. Thanks for praying for us.

Spirit: Over the last several days I wondered what I would share with you on the blog tonight and what has just hit me is this: I'd like to share a "patchwork quilt." A patchwork quilt often has great significance because each of the patches either represents something special or is taken from a fabric which has special meaning. So here is the patchwork quilt I share with you this evening. I know it will keep us all "warm" in His grace:

"Yet this I call to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.' The Lord is good to those whose hope is in Him, to the one who seeks Him; it is good to wait quietly for the salvation of the Lord." Lamentations 3:21-26

"The Lord is my shepherd, I shall not be in want..." Psalm 23:1

A friend reminded me of a message my dad preached a number of times from Genesis 22 where Abraham is asked to sacrifice Isaac but at the last moment God provides a substitute. And Abraham learns another name for God, "The Lord Will Provide." Genesis 22:14

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint." Isaiah 40:29-31

"For to me, to live is Christ and to die is gain. If I am to go on living in the body, this will mean fruitful labor for me. Yet what shall I choose? I do not know! I am torn between the two: I desire to depart and be with Christ, which is better by far..." Philippians 1:21-23

"And we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to His purpose." Romans 8:28

"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39

There will probably be a number of updates over the next few days, so I may just add a few more "patches" to the quilt with each update. This quilt could get pretty big, pretty fast!! Thanks for praying and caring.

25 Down, 0 To Go!!

2010-11-24T11:39:00.009-05:00

Body: Yes, you read it right! I finished my radiation treatments yesterday morning and can gratefully say that the side effects have not been too difficult to endure. I was prepared for something much worse than I experienced and I know that fervent prayer has played a critical role in this entire process of being carried through treatment. Other than some X's on my body which should wear off sometime:-); a little difficulty with swallowing which I'm told will quickly improve; and some chest and back redness from the radiation, I'm doing great. I didn't experience the severe reactions that "might have been" and my strength has actually improved over the last three weeks. Even my hair has started returning (just in time for winter)!! Thank you for praying for me and my family.

A PET scan has been scheduled for December 23 at Yale. This will help us determine the effectiveness of the radiation and check the rest of my body for evidence of cancer. Obviously, this is another important test, which my Father already knows all about. Please join me and my family in praying for clear results.

Spirit: God's Work Continues Acts 12:1-19

What an incredible miracle the Lord accomplished in bringing Peter out of prison in spite of being guarded by sixteen of Rome's finest soldiers. The story is filled with miracle after miracle. What makes it especially exciting is that this is a "last minute" rescue. Peter was going to trial the next morning!! Our God is able!! What a great story of His intervening power on display.

Something easily missed in all the excitement is that fervent prayer is taking place at the same time the miracles are occurring. Even though the answer to the believers' prayers was standing right outside their door, the weakness of the their faith is clearly evident. "It couldn't be Peter," they said. "He's in prison. The person knocking must be 'his angel'!" (verse 15) We ask for a miracle...and then explain it away when it occurs! Amazing and yet, I can identify!

As I have journeyed through this struggle with cancer, I'm so grateful that people whose faith is imperfect, just like mine is, have been fervently praying for me. I know that if the Lord chooses to heal me, the role of passionate prayer by a host of brothers and sisters in Christ cannot be minimized. It is amazing what He is able to do through frail vessels like us. If we see God's hand of healing at work, let's not doubt that HE has done GREAT things! May His work be an impetus for more fervent prayer and greater, stronger and more mature faith.

It IS my prayer that as we reflect back on this journey in the future, we will all be able to rejoice in God's powerful hand overcoming this cancer. But let me also point out another very important part of this passage. In verse 2 we see that instead of saving James, the Lord allowed him to be killed by Herod. In one instance, God answers through a remarkable series of miracles; in another, the Lord allows His own to be killed. Both are part of His plan; both are allowed by His loving hand; and both bring glory to His name.

There are mysteries to God's will which only the heart of God can fathom. In my mind, the "Peter" scenario is far better than the "James" scenario. That is what I pray will take place as I consider my situation. However, I am gratefully and trustingly in God's hand to further His Kingdom as He sees fit. If He chooses not to heal, my faith (our faith) in His greatness and goodness must not be diminished. My focus on His face must only be intensified. He truly knows what is best...and that is sufficient.

So, we win either way, as long as we remember that He is great and good in all He does and that the building of His Kingdom is truly the most important issue!

Radiation Underway

2010-11-01T17:58:00.005-04:00

Body: 9 down, 16 to go!! The countdown continues. I'm 9 radiation treatments into a 25 treatment schedule. Sorry it has been so long since my last post. I have been getting emails and Facebook posts wondering what is happening.

So far the treatments are going well and there have been no noticeable side effects. There is a cumulative effect, so there may be some "surprises" waiting for me down the road. The doctor indicated that after treatment 10 I may begin to feel some effects. Thanks for praying.

I should finish up with all 25 treatments the day before Thanksgiving. Guess what I'll be thankful for this year!!

For those who are wondering about evaluating the effectiveness of these treatments, let me share the general schedule with you. I will not know anything new until the next PET scan which the oncologist says will take place in late December. The full effect of the radiation treatments won't be clear until three months after completion according to the radiologist. That's because there is inflammation which needs time to heal.

So, I feel I'm in a situation like the World War II pilots faced. The order to proceed with the mission has been given and we are under "total blackout" conditions until the mission is complete. There will be a couple months of "silence" while the mission proceeds and I'll be happy to give you results when there are any to share. Thanks for praying.

Spirit: The Right Words John 12:50

It is always so encouraging to speak a word and have confidence that it is exactly the right word for the situation. Jesus always had that feeling according to John 12:50, "So whatever I say is just what the Father has told Me to say." The reason He always had that feeling according to His own statement is not because He is God, but because He only said what the Father told Him to say. What's the difference? He IS God and He and the Father ARE one (John 10:30).

In one sense, they are the same; there is no difference, which is why I find Christ's statement interesting. The Godhead knows fully and communicates perfectly, so anything any One of them says is perfect. In another sense, though, there is a big difference and a significant instruction point for me. Jesus spoke only what the Father told Him to say. He listened and repeated. He didn't question, doubt, revise, re-word, shift or clarify. He just stated and repeated. His great concern was to hear His Father's voice...and repeat what the Father said. If that was important for Jesus here on earth, how much more important is it for me?

The closer I stick to the Word, the more confidence I'll have in what I say. The more His Word fills my life, the more it shapes my attitudes and words...and the more confidence I can have in their worth, accuracy and helpfulness; even when they are words of confrontation. This time I spend each morning in the Word is the most important time and appointment I have all day because it prepares me to speak with confidence in a variety of contexts.

"Lord, thank you for this time in Your Word. May I pay close attention so that Your truth permeates my being. I want to have something to say which reflects Your Word deeply etched into my soul."

A New Chapter

2010-10-18T20:16:00.007-04:00

Body: As many of you know, I am heading into a new chapter in this battle with cancer. It is the radiation chapter. I have had a lot of questions about this chapter and was able to have a meeting with my oncologist of the past three years today. It was a very helpful meeting for me and I share some of the details with you.

Chemo has taken me almost as far as it is able. There are one or two more things that could be tried, but this cancer is just very resistant to most of the chemos that are available. What was very encouraging to me is that the doctor spoke with the radiologist and has great confidence in his training and skill to do the work that needs to be done. Also, the doctor is confident that even though the cancer has grown significantly, the type of radiation being given will be broad enough to encompass the entire area affected. Also, thus far, the resistant cancer appears to be localized in a relatively small area so the radiation may be very effective in removing it.

Two prayer requests as I start this journey on Wednesday: first, pray that the radiation would be effective in destroying the cancer it is targeting. There are situations where it is resistant even to radiation. Second, pray that the cancer is truly localized and when destroyed doesn't "spring up" in another spot at another time.

Thanks!!

Spirit: "Your Son Will Live" John 4:50

A distraught father seeks whatever help he can find for his dying son. The situation is grave and he has heard that the Man who is said to have turned water into wine some time ago has returned to Cana of Galilee. His home in Capernaum is not that far from Cana. It wouldn't matter if it was much further!! It couldn't hurt -- a last ditch effort to save his son -- so he goes to request a miracle of Jesus.

As this man pours out his heart to Jesus, he requests that Jesus come to Capernaum to heal his son. In His response, Jesus shares His concern with His growing popularity, "Unless you people see miraculous signs and wonders you will never believe." The crowds are looking for signs and wonders; Jesus is looking for faith.

Jesus finds just the right way to perform a miracle to meet the need of this man AND at the same time, grow the man's faith. Jesus says, "You may go. Your son will live." This wasn't the plan the father had in mind. Jesus was supposed to accompany him to Capernaum and heal his son. Now Jesus tells him to go home; that the son will live.

Do you see what Jesus has done? He has performed the miracle and at the same time challenged the man's faith. Will the father trust Jesus? The next sentence reads, "The man took Jesus at His word and departed." Faith grows in the father and his son is healed.

I really like the "son is healed" part of this story. I'm not as wild about the "faith grows" part...unless it is linked to the healing. Yet to Jesus, THAT is the most important part.

What has God been up to in this cancer? He knows I have cancer and that I desire healing. He could have kept this cancer from becoming aggressive. He could have healed me after one round of chemo. He certainly knows how unsettling the yo-yo of PET scan results is: bad, good, bad. Why isn't the radiation phase of treatment a "sure thing?" Do you see the issue? I'm just like that father. I keep pressing Him for the miracle. He keeps pressing for the trust.

So, will I "take Jesus at His word"? Will I exchange my priority for His? Will I trust Him and desire Him more than the miracle I seek? Will I exchange my natural desire of healing for His desire for faith growth?

Is my confidence based on doctors' prognoses, probabilities, skills, and treatment options? Or is it based on a look at the Savior's face knowing that He can heal -- no matter what the odds are?

The title of this blog is "Hope Does Not Disappoint." Hope is faith projected into the future. Do I really believe that whatever He plans will be right, satisfying, good, and pleasing? Yes, I do!

"Please, Lord, help me in my struggle to believe, rest and wait on You. May Your priority of faith development shape my focus on healing. Help me to ask well, but trust better!"

Continuing to "Press On"

2010-10-05T15:05:00.003-04:00

Thanks to so many who have been praying for me and my family today. It has been so encouraging to receive texts, emails, Facebook wall posts, etc. indicating that you have been standing with us in prayer. We continue to be grateful and in need of that prayer support.

Body: Today was the PET scan and blood test to see what progress I've been making in this cancer battle. The blood levels have risen slowly...nothing great, but slowly (I am definitely a "slow student"). The levels also explain why I still struggle with much exertion, climbing stairs, etc. The PET scan showed that the cancer is growing again. It is significantly larger than it was at the last PET scan, but a little smaller than it was two PET scans ago, when it really flared. It is definitely resistant to chemo and is determined to make life challenging. The good news is that it continues to be localized in my chest.

Radiation therapy will begin as soon as possible to contain it and remove it. I have an appointment for Tuesday with the radiologist and the process will begin. Also, I was told I'll get a "good dose" of radiation...meaning that it will be 4 - 5 weeks of daily treatment (5 days a week).

Certainly this isn't the news we were hoping for, but we are confident of the Lord's wisdom, love and purpose for our family in this process. To Him be the glory!

Spirit: "Great Peace" Psalm 119:165

Doesn't that sound good? Great Peace!! Not just peace, shalom, wholeness and rightness in every area of life, but GREAT peace. The picture in my mind is one of absolute stability, no matter what. This is an unflappable person -- no matter what comes their way. This is a person with awareness, perspective, confidence and a hopeful outlook. As the verse points out, "...nothing can make them stumble." That's stability!!

How do you get these things in a life? Are you born with it; is it a function of controlling circumstances; is it a matter of having deep pockets (lots of money) or right friends (in high places)? None of these can assure a person of great peace...or even peace! But what these things can't assure, God's Word can.

How can a book do that? It is Who wrote the book -- the All-Powerful, All-Knowing, Always Present, Creator God. It is what the book contains -- only that which is truthful, reliable and trustworthy. And, it is how that truth, applied to a life, changes a man and focuses his heart. The result: GREAT Peace!

I have proven to myself again this week that I have a long way to go in letting that Word of God change me so great peace controls me. There are so many ways I get tripped up. When I think I have one area mastered, another blind spot surfaces. What is really frustrating is repeat courses. "I already took that course!" But it is back and I blew it...time to repeat the course. Praise God for His forgiveness and that the offer of great peace is never taken off the table.

"Lord, I want the rest of my days to be days of great peace. May Your Word do its work and may I willingly submit to it and You."

Press On

2010-10-03T18:38:00.004-04:00

Body: This has been a great week for me. I didn't have to go to Yale for anything...and I didn't miss the trips or the IV's. It was a week to get some rest and get ready for today. I was able to preach this morning for the first time in several weeks and I was grateful for the strength and opportunity to do it. It was too long for a communion meditation, but people slept quietly:-)

While my stamina is still in short supply, I have felt better as the week progressed and my appetite has increased as well. Foods are starting to taste pretty good:-) Sleeping has improved, so I am generally doing very well.

Tuesday is the "big day" as I head to Yale for a PET scan, blood tests, and a meeting with doctors for results of the PET scan. I would appreciate your prayers as I prepare my heart for whatever news is shared.

Spirit: I must tell you that as I approach what I hope is the end of the chemo and a transition to radiation, I am so very grateful for so many who have offered great encouragement to me and my family. Some of those kindnesses have been huge; some have been small; all have been appreciated.

When the chemo was getting pretty intense earlier this summer and I was really feeling pretty lousy, a friend from many years ago mentioned the song, "Press On" by Selah in a Facebook post. I quickly did a YouTube search and found it. I have played it over and over again. I believe it is a powerful song which speaks of focused resolve. The Apostle Paul possessed it (Phil 3:12-14) and I pray that my life will exemplify it someday as well. Take a listen; I believe you will be encouraged and challenged: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_Bg2cJ5bw2k

Slow Progress

2010-09-21T17:39:00.021-04:00

Body: Progress has been measured in millimeters, not meters in recent days. I just haven't felt well and it isn't one specific thing, it is several. Blood levels have continued to remain low after the initial encouragement with the white blood cells. The reason: they stopped the booster shots so they could see how my body was doing on its own in manufacturing whites, reds and platelets. And, it wasn't doing too well.

On Saturday, my heart was "acting up" with some irregular heartbeats due to the atrial fibrillation. I had to take one of the heart pills which "whacked" me pretty hard. Discouraging.

On Sunday I went in to Yale to check my blood levels and everything was down. So, they gave me a bag of blood which wiped me out for the rest of the day...very discouraging.

Yesterday I just felt lousy all day. Couldn't pin it down, but there were several things that just weren't right...even more discouraging.

Today, however, I went back to Yale for an echocardiogram (for the cardiologist) and for a blood levels check and for the first time in a long time everything was moving in the right direction. Not anything major, but small, definite progress. How grateful I was for this wonderful encouragement. I felt much better today and I don't have to go back until Friday for another blood test.

Also, I received word that my next PET scan will be on Tuesday, October 5, so I ask you to keep that in prayer.

Spirit: "Meanwhile, back at the ranch...."

In spite of some of the struggles of the past couple of weeks, I must tell you that I have been deeply ministered to and encouraged by the men of our church. In the midst of struggle, the Lord always knows how to bring encouragement. This past Saturday, twenty-four guys descended on our house with paint brushes, ladders, enthusiasm and hearts of gold. Seven-and- one-half hours later, the exterior of our house was painted -- trim and siding! What a great demonstration of love and concern for a brother who just couldn't do the work.

These guys worked hard and did excellent work. The house is beautiful and my family and I are so grateful. I've included some pictures of the event in progress so you can see the great blessing I received.

So there you have it; the body ministering to one another that God might be glorified and needs might be met.

Quick Update

2010-09-14T17:02:00.004-04:00

Body: I am home!! I was able to come home last night after receiving two transfusions (reds and platelets) yesterday. It was great to be home.

But here is the exciting news (to me...act excited): Saturday's white cell count was .1; Sunday's was .2; Monday's was .8; and today, it was up to 2.7!! It appears those stem cells have found homes and are starting to do some work!! Thanks for rejoicing with me.

Spirit: I thank God for His faithfulness and this encouragement; His Name is near.

Continue to pray about the low grade fever with which I have struggled and the stabilizing of the blood levels (the reds and platelets, especially). Thanks so much.

Sunday Worship

2010-09-12T11:31:00.005-04:00

Body: It has been more than a week since I last published an update...and the reason is simply that I outlined the process in the last blog and we have just been in the implementation phase, which takes time.

The intensive chemo was received last Wednesday and Thursday (Sept. 1 & 2); the stem cell transplant went well on Friday (Sept. 3). The doctors indicated that the following two weeks would be a challenge as the blood levels dropped and side effects were experienced.

I've found that to be true:-) as the blood levels did indeed drop to a point that by Wednesday (Sept. 8) I was hospitalized as a precautionary measure to prevent infection and to monitor my heart closely. And the hospital is where I've been since Wednesday!! It gets old being in a hospital, even one as fine as Yale-New Haven. Rooms and services are wonderful and the staff has been a joy to get to know...but I'd rather be home and in ministry.

Yesterday was a difficult day as the blood levels continued to be very low and my stomach was more upset than usual. However, today I have been feeling much better and even got to take a shower this morning! My port line was out for a couple of hours so I caught a real shower which felt great (now you know the real reason they wouldn't allow visitors:-)). Also this morning, I believe I saw the first signs of my body starting to recover. My white count went from .1 to .2 (that's a 100% increase!!)...small but real!

So the couple of days will determine the length of my sojourn here at Yale and I would appreciate you praying that those stem cells would find a nice home in my bone marrow and start to really go to work!!

Spirit: His Name Is Near Psalm 75:1

This passage has caught my eye before but it had special significance this morning as I was here in a hospital room and not with my church family at Calvary.

Asaph begins with the familiar theme of giving thanks to God. However, the reason he gives thanks is unexpected. The typical reasons for which I thank God are many: for His greatness; for His great works; for His forgiveness; for His loving kindness; for.... I could go on and on. But Asaph doesn't thank God directly for these. He gives thanks "for Your Name is near."

What an interesting statement. As I have reflected on it, two things stand out. First, is the issue of His constant presence. He is "near." I wasn't able to be in church this morning, but He was near as I worshiped Him in a hospital room. Meanwhile, my church family worshiped Him in Trumbull...and He was near. I received a text from Moses this afternoon and I think about the believers he led in worship in Pageri, New Sudan today...and God was near. There is no place any of us can go where He is not "near." How comforting and challenging...all at the same time.

Second, Asaph's choice of the phrase "Your Name" really is a very powerful expression which broadens the application of this passage. God's Names express truth about His character. Since He is infinite, there is no single Name that can fully describe Him. So, rather than pick one Name or "descriptor" of Him, which would limit his thanksgiving, Asaph includes them all, by using the general "Your Name."

So, whatever quality or characteristic of God was needed at any moment, Asaph could give thanks because THAT quality was near!! As I was in the hospital room this morning I could give thanks because the God who is Peace, the Healer, the Stronghold and the Encourager was near. And for each one who met in Trumbull today to worship, they could give thanks because the God who is the Refuge, the Shepherd, the Provider, the Banner, the All-Powerful One, the Rock, the Savior, the Faithful One was there with them...whatever their need.

"(I) give thanks to You, O God, (I) give thanks, for Your Name is near...." and that is sweet!!

Stem Cells Reclaimed!!

2010-09-04T20:42:00.005-04:00

Body: After two days of intensive chemo (Wed. & Thurs.), I received the stem cell transplant on Friday. Those of you who have been following this journey know that those stem cells are actually my own and were gathered in late July and frozen. So, now they are back in my own body and getting ready to rebuild the bone marrow which the intensive chemo is wiping out (along with any remaining cancer...hopefully).

While I'm definitely experiencing side effects, I am very grateful that I have not been feeling too badly. I was able to spend some time outside cutting the grass today and have felt well enough to eat.

Beginning tomorrow, I will be heading to Yale each morning for blood work which will determine just what treatments are needed (platelets, transfusion, fluids, etc.). Blood levels are expected to drop and by Wednesday I will most likely be admitted to the hospital to monitor my condition carefully. The doctor expects this hospitalization could last up to a week.

Spirit: "Praise Awaits You" Psalm 65:1

David makes a strong statement as he begins this Psalm. He indicates that as God enters Zion He can expect to receive praise. As he goes on through the Psalm, he describes why God can expect praise - - from His forgiveness, to answered prayer, to His kind deeds, to the wonderful land, to the provision of rain and crops, to the sheer bounty -- God is good and gracious to His people!

Can God expect praise every time He comes to the sanctuary of my heart? The same provisions David describes in the Psalm are experienced by me on a daily basis. However, praise is not what He can expect, sadly, on many occasions from my life. While I know He understands the hurts of hearts and the Gethsemane struggles we face, isn't or shouldn't there be opportunity for Him to expect praise for His presence, goodness and grace in my life? (See Psalm 63:2-5)

That needs to be at the core of my being today. It will shape my focus and my priorities. It will also affect that which God can expect when He visits the sanctuary of my life.

"Lord, may that be true of me during these next days and beyond as I enjoy Your blessings even as I struggle with Your choice of path at times. You deserve my praise...always. Come, Lord, and receive the praise that is due You."

The Next Step

2010-08-31T19:54:00.005-04:00

Body: The last few days have been very good and I've been able to meet with staff and give some input into the ministry. I've felt great and eaten well...such a life!!

This is all in anticipation of the next step in the treatment process which begins tomorrow morning at 11:00 am. After blood work, initial questions, paperwork, etc. I will receive my first dose of intensive chemo. I receive the second dose on Thursday and I receive the stem cell transplant on Friday. It should be quite a week!

I get Saturday "off" (as the effects of the chemo begin to be felt). Then I have 10 straight days of trips to the hospital for blood work and treatment as the blood levels need to be monitored closely along with other potential side effects.

The next two weeks will be tough on the body!

Spirit: "Cast Your Cares" Psalm 55:22

I kid you not, this was the Psalm I was scheduled to read today...and I'm so grateful for this very basic reminder which I share with you.

Here is David, a man of God, a man who has experienced God's protection and provision so many times and in so many ways, calling out to God in fear and trembling, experiencing the terrors of death (see vs 4-5). This isn't a giant or even an army which can be opposed face to face...might against might. It is the intrigue of one of David's trusted friends who is disloyal and has influenced many people in the city against him...but how many? And who? David feels great fear because he can't see the hearts of the people and he doesn't know how to face this "foe."

All he knows is that God sustains him. The climax of the Psalm is vs 22-23. His job is to cast his cares on the Lord and God's job is to sustain him.

That is not an easy thing to do and it gives me encouragement to realize that David struggled with this. Our enemy may be another person, a disease, the unknown, a relationship, a decision, a financial situation or some other struggle. Each can seem overwhelming at times. We lie awake at night thinking and worrying. Our minds run down the path of "what if" which brings us to the point of sheer terror. We read into circumstances, conversations, even "looks" and other non-verbals which come our way. We physically get sick or depressed. And what good does it do?

There is a better solution. I intend to practice it as this next round of treatment and all the unknowns come my way. "Cast your cares on the Lord and He will sustain you; He will never let the righteous fall." Now that's a good deal and a great way to live life!

"Lord, my cares are many; You are greater. Please sustain Your servant in my weakness and distress. You are my God."

Answered Prayer

2010-08-26T20:37:00.007-04:00

Body: Many of you knew that today was an important day for me with another PET scan and then the appointment with the doctor for results and next steps. As he came into the office, he was clearly thrilled with the results. He said this was the best PET scan I've had!

This doesn't mean all the cancer is gone, but the area affected is now extremely small. He pulled up all of the PET scans (4 of them) for comparison and what a contrast! It is now much smaller than it has ever been!

To avoid toxicity to my lungs, he has changed this last chemo and reduced the number of days to administer it. This intensive chemo will take place next Wednesday and Thursday followed by the stem cell transplant on Friday.

The following two weeks plus will be intense, with side effects, daily visits to Yale, transfusions, etc.

The doctor is convinced that I will need significant radiation therapy following the chemo and stem cell transplant. This will take place following the recovery from the stem cell transplant.

Spirit: All the praise for this wonderfully encouraging report goes to our Great God. Praise His Name!! This report is also a direct answer to the faithful and fervent prayers of so many who have loved and stood by us during these challenging days. Thank you.

I am deeply grateful to and humbled by God's grace and the expressions of your commitment to pray. Please do not stop. While this is a very encouraging report, the work is not finished and the next few weeks will be critically important in the continued treatment of this cancer.

Last night I determined that I would praise God regardless of the test results. Tonight it is very easy to praise the Lord and I do so with all my heart:

"Praise God from Whom all blessings flow; Praise Him all creatures here below.
Praise Him above ye heavenly host; Praise Father, Son and Holy Ghost. Amen!"

Waiting On Him

2010-08-25T17:43:00.005-04:00

Body: Feeling pretty good today! Was outside and even cut the grass! It was a great day to enjoy some cooler temperatures and God's creation. While I still tire easily, I am grateful that blood levels have been moving in the right direction. Recovery from this past chemo has been much slower than from some of the others. Maybe my body is in rebellion:-)!

Spirit: Psalm 23:3b-4a "The Path He Chooses"

I've been reflecting on this passage for the last couple of weeks and it has really ministered to and challenged my soul.

I've read and recited this passage many times, but only casually reflected on what it means. I've always thought that the phrase, "He leads me in paths of righteousness..," indicated what He expected from me as I follow Him. He desires holiness, purity, goodness, etc. in all that I do. That righteousness becomes a way of life. While there may be truth in that, I have seen something else as I reflect on my life circumstances at present and it totally focuses back on the Shepherd: the path He chooses is always right, good, pure, perfect. The shepherd makes the choice of paths for the sheep and what this Shepherd chooses is always right.

This is where I became aware of a tie-in with verse 4 which I hadn't seen before. His path is the right path, "even though I walk through the valley..." This Shepherd takes His sheep on the right path and sometimes that includes deep valleys...inexplicable struggles and mysteries...but it is the right path...because He chose it.

The reason I know He chooses the path for my life carefully is this, "He leads me in paths of righteousness for His Name's sake." Two thoughts strike me about this important phrase. First, God's purpose in all that He does is to bring glory to Himself. Not in an arrogant way, but because there is no greater good than His glory. He chooses right paths for my life so that He will receive maximum glory. How great is that?

Second, the sheep are owned by the shepherd. They are his sheep and are totally dependent on the shepherd to choose a path that will benefit and protect them. They just don't know what is best. Therefore He chooses the path for their benefit as well as His glory...even when it includes the dark valley. God chooses my path carefully because I am His child. His name is attached to me. Because of this, He is vitally concerned about the path that is chosen for me.

The response of the sheep to the shepherd's leading cannot be taken for granted...especially as it applies to our relationship with the Good Shepherd. I need to remember and embrace my role in this relationship with God: He's the Shepherd, I'm the sheep. He leads, I follow. He is infinite, I am finite. He commands, I obey.

This relationship of sheep and Shepherd works well as long as I am in agreement with the paths He chooses. It becomes problematic for me when He takes me on a path that includes the valley, especially the dark valley. Everything within me says, "Hold it! You've made a mistake! This can't be the right path; it's too steep, dark and difficult." In those moments, what I believe about God is tested along with my willingness to trust Him. These are the critical moments when faith can grow stronger and God reveals something very special about Himself: His presence. "Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death I will fear no evil for You are with me!!"

No matter what path He chooses for me, I am not alone. He doesn't select a path and send me...He leads me, never leaving me alone! Can there be any greater comfort than this? So, as I wait for tomorrow's tests, which He already knows about, I am grateful for the comfort Psalm 23:3b-4a brings: He has chosen THE right path for my life, for His glory and my good...and He will be with me each step of the way. I am greatly blessed!!

Back "On the Air"

2010-08-23T18:03:00.003-04:00

Body:

It has been quite awhile since I posted an entry on this blog. It has been a challenging couple of weeks, but I am grateful that I'm feeling better and am able to bring you up-to-date on what is happening. So many of you have been so encouraging through your notes, cards, emails, and assurance of prayer support.

Today's blood report was encouraging and, except for a 20 minute infusion of magnesium, I was told my blood levels are moving in the right direction, even though they are still low. Please pray for those platelets and red cells especially!!

Thursday is a big day for me. I'll have another blood levels check, a PET scan and meet with the doctor. I should have a clear reading on the effectiveness of the last round of chemo and what the next step in treatment will be. We'll try to post something later on Thursday or Friday. Thanks.

Spirit: "Hope for Healing" Psalm 33:16-19

My thoughts and focus recently have been on being open and willing to embrace God's will even if it isn't my desire. This passage has been a breath of fresh air as I anticipate the PET scan of Thursday.

The psalmist makes it clear that the size of the army isn't the key to success (Might he have Gideon in mind?). Conventional wisdom says that the larger army wins! The psalmist says that strength and overwhelming power won't necessarily win the day (Might he have the Israelites and the Red Sea in mind?). Conventional wisdom says the more fire power you have, the more sure the victory.

The psalmist says God is focused on those who hope in Him; who know His loyal love; who put Him first and revere Him more than all/everything else. His response is to deliver from death and keep them alive in hard times.

My confidence is easily placed in statistics and probabilities, not God. When medical science says, "We've got this," I relax. When medical science stumbles, I get nervous. This whole cancer journey has been like that and as treatment after treatment has produced less than was desired, my comfort level has dropped and my heart has had to wrestle with where my confidence really lies. This passage summarizes it well for me. My hope for life and healing needs to be rightly place in the One who is greater and stronger than my cancer. I will look to Him with confidence and expectancy. He is able and good!

"Dear Lord, forgive me for the times my confidence is more influenced by conventional wisdom and probability than by the God who delivers from death...no matter what the odds!! Praise Your Holy Name."

Never a dull moment....

2010-08-16T09:25:00.004-04:00

From Andrea: Just thought I'd fill you in about the last couple of days of treament for Dave. Sorry that you are only hearing from me, but seems he's been at the hospital more than he's been home these days. Guess that's part of the whole process.

This past week, we had been going every other day to the hospital to check his counts and for possible transfusions. Friday had a little "wrinkle" in it. As we were getting ready to go to the hospital, his heart had a little atrial fibrilation "episode". It continued til we got there, which was a GOOD thing because they were able to get an EKG of it. Nothing major, but they always want to be safe, so they arranged to have him transferred/admitted to cardiology for observation. Thankfully, his heart "kicked back in" to regular rhythm and the cardiologist just prescribed some meds in case it happened again and he let us go home! :) There's no place like home!

We went yesterday for another routine check of his blood levels and found his temperature was slightly elevated. He got platelets yesterday and they told him to come back Monday for a unit of blood. All this is "expected" because of the chemo treatment and what that does to your levels in your body. Because of his extremely low white blood cell count, we had to watch his temperature carefully throughout the day. It reached 100.4, which is the point where they tell you to call the hospital and be ready to be admitted for IV antibiotics. So, he spent the night at Yale receiving antibiotics. Throughout the night, the vitals showed his fever was gone but it's a little elevated this morning again. Please pray that the antibiotics will do their job and get rid of this "germ".

Just wanted to keep you posted. Thanks again for your prayers!

Quick note....

2010-08-11T23:39:00.003-04:00

Hi again.....it's Andrea.

Dave felt pretty good today. He gets lightheaded and short of breath easily. Just finds he doesn't have much stamina. But we know that will eventually get better! :)

We went to Yale again this morning for his shot (to boost white blood cells) and for blood work to see how his "levels" are doing. Fortunately, we only had to wait for the blood work results to come back (which can take anywhere from 1 -2 hours) and then we were told we could go home. :) His levels were good enough that he didn't need a transfusion of anything today.

From now til the 23rd, we take a trip to Yale every other morning for the same thing....blood work. Depending on the results that come back, they could tell us we have to stay....sometimes it's because he needs platelets, sometimes potassium, sometimes magnesium, etc....and that means it takes up most of our day.

So that will be our schedule for a while. He does have to be careful, again...his white blood cell count is quite low and they don't want him to be around crowds. They gave us some masks for him to wear in case he HAS to go out. Hopefully the shots he is getting will help these levels to come up soon!

Thanks again for your prayers, many notes of encouragement, love, etc!

P.S. We're excited that my mom will be coming out from Wisconsin to visit us tomorrow! :) She'll be out in this area for about a month....staying with us, loving on her newest grandbabies (Paul and Kristine's kids), going up to Camp Spofford for Senior Citizen's week, and visiting her cousin in NJ for few days! Will be nice to have her here......we'll miss having dad with her, but we're looking forward to a great visit with my mom! :)

How's Dave?

2010-08-10T14:24:00.003-04:00

That has been the question that I have been getting over and over and over again. :) And it is not a bother to me, just a reminder that so many people are praying for us, love us, and want to encourage us! THANK YOU SO MUCH!

This is Andrea, again......"guest blogger".

How is Dave? Well....he's making progress. :) Saturday was a long day. Since the last chemo treatment was completed on Friday night, he anticipated getting home by at least noon on Saturday. What we didn't know, was that the medication (to protect his kidneys from the strong chemo) that they put on his IV "rack" in the morning was set at "a snail's pace" and would not be finished til 6pm that evening! He was also fighting nausea all day....just couldn't quite get on top of it with the meds. Talk about a long day! (It was only made worse because of the fact that we thought we'd be out of there by early afternoon. He just wanted to recuperate AT HOME.)

Sunday was a tough day. Those of you who have been through strong chemo know how awful you feel. Pastor Scott had told us the focus of Sunday's sermon (Psalm 31) and that there would be a time of prayer for Dave so, even in the midst of the "yuckiness" of the day, we were encouraged knowing that our church family was being reminded of God's goodness in the midst of difficulties, and we were reminded of that as well! Pastor Scott said, "Our circumstances may change but our God never changes! -- He is our Refuge, our Rock and our Fortress." So neat for our church family to grasp that truth not only for the situation we are going through, but also for whatever difficult situations each of them face! We also heard from many other church families that they were praying for us in their respective church services as well. We are SO humbled and blessed by the outpouring of love and prayer support!

And we thought Sunday was bad?!? Monday was worse :( The nausea was really intense...couldn't keep any of his pills down. He had a prior appointment to be at Yale that morning to be checked, even though he had a hard time figuring out how he was even going to make it to the car; he felt so awful. BUT....he got there, was given fluids, an anti-nausea shot, potassium, magnesium, and a FEW of his stem cells back -- this is not the transfusion that will be coming in the future -- these few stem cells were just a booster to help him "bounce back" from the harsh chemo effects on his blood cells. By 3pm he was heading home again and tried as best he could to get through the rest of that day.

Tuesday? Sigh of relief......much better day! After a good night's sleep (thanks to anti-nausea meds and sleeping meds), he was feeling a lot better and was even hungry to eat something! That was a good change! :) While he still feels "mack-trucked" and has a hard time concentrating/focusing for long periods of time, he is happy that his stomach has settled down a bit.

We know there will be ups and downs.....(the nurses warned us that symptoms could get worse) but we know that so many are praying for us and we will get through it all with God's help!

And how are the girls and I? God is SO good and SO amazing....it does our hearts well as parents to see God working in their lives, drawing them to Himself and teaching them lessons, even though they are very hard. Let me share from their most recent Facebook "status posts" to give you a quick glimpse into their determination to hang on to the Lord even in the midst of this "cancer journey" with their dad:

Krista:

"Blessed be Your name
when the sun's shining down on me,
when the world's 'all as it should be',
blessed be Your name.

Blessed be Your name,
on the road marked with suffering,
though there's pain in the offering,
blessed be Your name."

Elise:

‎"The Lord is good, a refuge in times of trouble. He cares for those who trust in Him" Nahum 1:7

Jessica:

"It's not that I don't have an answer... it's just not the one that I'd like. But through this time, Lord, I must keep in mind that you're always wiser than I. You have a much better purpose, You have a far greater plan, and You have a bigger perspective."

Praise the Lord! Thank you for praying for all 5 of us! We love you all and appreciate all of your kindnesses to us! INCREDIBLE blessing!

(P.S. In the future, I'll try to do a better job of posting on his blog when he doesn't have the energy/focus to do so!)

A Real Curve Ball

2010-08-02T17:54:00.003-04:00

Body: Many of you know that today I had a PET scan and an appointment with my doctor to review progress and lay out "next steps" in my treatment. The nice, neat plans went out the window as the doctor was very surprised to see that my cancer has actually grown significantly since the last PET scan.

That wasn't the news we were hoping for and we talked with the doctor about many options...many of which are just now being considered by my doctor. The bottom line is that this is disappointing news and keeps me focused on the things that will not change and that cancer cannot touch.

I will be heading into the hospital on Wednesday for four days of chemo and the doctor has warned me that it won't be a lot of fun. I hesitate to mention anything else at this point because after this chemo, he will give me another PET scan before any final decisions are made as to future directions.

Spirit: Yesterday and again this morning I read the following Puritan Prayer from The Valley Of Vision. It was a great blessing then...and is even more precious now. If you decide to read it, read slowly and thoughtfully. There is a lot here for me and I hope for you.

The All-Good

MY GOD

Thou hast helped me to see,

that whatever good be in honor and rejoicing,

how good is He who gives them, and can withdraw them;

that blessedness does not lie so much

in receiving good from and in Thee, but

in holding forth Thy glory and virtue;

that it is an amazing thing

to see Deity in a creature, speaking, acting, filling, shining through it;

that nothing is good but Thee,

that I am near good when I am near Thee,

that to be like Thee is a glorious thing:

This is my magnet, my attraction.

Thou art all my good in times of peace,

my only support in days of trouble,

my one sufficiency when life shall end.

Help me to see how good Thy will is in all,

and even when it crosses mine

teach me to be pleased with it.

Grant me to feel Thee in fire, and food and every providence,

and to see that Thy many gifts and creatures

are but Thy hands and fingers taking hold of me.

Thou bottomless fountain of all good,

I give myself to Thee out of love,

for all I have or own is Thine,

my goods, family, church, self,

to do with as Thou wilt,

to honor Thyself by me, and by all mine.

If it be consistent with Thy eternal counsels,

the purpose of Thy grace,

and the great ends of Thy glory,

then bestow upon me the blessings of Thy comforts;

If not, let me resign myself to Thy wiser determinations.

Now doesn't that just give us some really good food for thought? It's still a curve ball to me, but I'm in good hands. Thanks for praying.

Somebody's Been Praying

2010-07-29T16:08:00.004-04:00

Body: There are key numbers that the medical team look for as they assess stem cell collection. The most important being the actual number of stem cells that are collected on a given day.

Monday, that key number was 18 and the number of stem cells collected was 1.6 million (I know, it was revised upward...I don't know how this works, I just report the facts).

Tuesday, the key number was 14 which was not very encouraging! I don't think the medical team was too excited either because they increased the amount of meds I receive by injection to stimulate the stem cell release into my blood stream. I actually was called a tortoise in stem cell production!! Can you believe it? They also were quick to say that the tortoise won the race! :)

Last night was a long night for a number of reasons and as we got started with the apheresis this morning, I just wanted to rest as much as I could. First, they told me that while my key number yesterday was down, the collection was still good...another 1.6 million stem cells. (That's a total of 3.2 million.) When the labs came back this morning there were a lot of "high fives" given. My key number was 66...I had suddenly become a hare! Based on their calculations, they were optomistic that today might be the last day required for collection.

Well, I just got the call from Yale and another 3.6 million stem cells are "in the bag" and "in liquid nitrogen." That is a total of 6.8 million stem cells. My doctor is satisfied with the amount collected and I'm finished with this portion of the journey.

Tomorrow at 10:00 a.m. I head back to have the catheter removed.

On Monday I have a PET scan and meeting with the doctor which will be significant as this journey unfolds.

Spirit: Thanks for your faithful prayer support. The Lord continues to be most gracious and I am exceedingly blessed. One of those great blessings is a loving and prayerful church family. Hope does not disappoint...Praise His name!

Goooooo Stem Cells!!

2010-07-28T19:16:00.003-04:00

Body: Many of you have been specifically praying for me this week as it is stem cell collection time...take two. As many know, the first attempt was abandoned because my body was just not producing and releasing enough stem cells to make the harvest worthwhile.

On Monday I had a procedure to add a central line catheter in my neck and started receiving special shots to boost the counts and "kick them out" into my blood stream. On Tuesday, we had a good day with 1.5 million stem cells collected (no wonder I was tired at the end of the day!). Today, a key indicator of stem cell presence was lower, so the harvest will, no doubt, be lower as well. To address this, I was given an extra couple of shots this evening which will hopefully mean a good "harvest" tomorrow.

Continue to pray that enough stem cells will be produced and released so the proper counts can be achieved. They are hoping that we'll have enough with Friday's procedure, but there is always Saturday and Sunday as well, if needed.

I do have a PET scan and a doctor's appointment on Monday which will be the next point at which plans for future treatment will be discussed...and I'll be sure to keep you posted. I'll also let you know how the "harvest" is going with some short entries tomorrow and Friday.

Spirit: "A Shield Around Me" Psalm 3:3
Having completed the Old Testament last week and with the church family at Calvary being encouraged to read through the Psalms, I was greatly blessed when I came upon Psalm 3:3, "But You are a shield around me, O Lord; You bestow glory on me and lift up my head." The context is clearly set in vs 1-2 where an unidentified set of enemies are opposing and the naysayers, in chorus, are saying God will not help him.

That is a situation where God is always at His best!! And the Psalmist uses a wonderfully powerful image to describe this Ever-Present and All-Powerful Protector.

A shield is always focused in one direction and provides great protection from an advancing enemy. But God is more than that. He is a shield in front and back...on both sides...above...below...and, I would include, inside! He IS THE Protector! Enough said!

As a result, the Psalmist can lay down to rest fully and sleep peacefully (vs 5), no matter how many are lined up against him (see vs 6 - "tens of thousands").

How I need assurance of that protection today as I continue this cancer journey...as I battle an enemy within. There is a God in heaven who protects His own for His purposes. So I say with the Psalmist, "Arise O Lord. Deliver me, O my God." How grateful I am for His presence and encouragement through a timely word about His protection.

"Thank you, Lord. I can rest because You are on guard. You watch continually. I am blessed and safe in Your 24/7 care. Thank you, thank you, thank you!!!"

Set Back, Reprieve, and a New Plan

2010-07-14T21:47:00.003-04:00

Body:
Set Back -- As the nurse said to us today, "Your body is really tired from all the chemo." While my counts are climbing, the stem cell count isn't climbing as quickly as they would like. If they went ahead with stem cell collection, it would take a number of days...too many. That is disappointing, obviously, because we would like to see this process continue and come to completion as quickly as possible.

Reprieve -- So they told me that for the next several days (until July 26), I don't need to have any blood tests, extra medications, chemo or doctor's visits. In other words, I get a 10 day vacation! I must tell you, I'm not too unhappy about that. I will try not to overdo, but this is a great blessing and I'm looking forward to a more normal life with family and church for the next week and a half.

New Plan -- Starting Friday, July 23, my ladies will start giving me two Neupogen shots daily which mobilize stem cells. On Monday, July 26, I go in for blood work and the placement of a catheter in my neck through which the stem cell collection will occur. That afternoon I'll have a shot of Plerixafor which expedites the process even more. Stem cell collection will take place beginning Tuesday morning and could take up to four days.

Following the stem cell collection, I'm scheduled for another PET scan on Monday, August 2, and an appointment with my doctor for evaluation on progress being made. I may then possibly have another regimen of chemo as an inpatient at Yale beginning Wednesday and being discharged Saturday or Sunday.

Spirit: So that's the new plan for the next couple of weeks. It is nice to have a game plan and I ask you to be praying that the plans which unfolded today will be blessed and used by the Lord for good. I continue to be grateful for His goodness and confident in Him because Hope Does Not Disappoint.

I just want to say "Thank you" from my heart for so many kind and encouraging notes, calls, emails, Facebook posts, offers of help, meals, and especially assurances of prayer. God is using you to keep us strong in the struggle. At our most vulnerable times, your prayers are lifting us up and moving us forward. God is so very good!!

The Next Opportunity

2010-07-10T15:50:00.004-04:00

Body: It has been quite some time since my last blog entry and there's a reason....this last treatment was a tough one. I've been laying low for a week with assorted side effects, etc. Right now the key issue is blood levels. They have been low and getting lower since Tuesday. Friday, I received platelets and I will be going back tomorrow morning for another blood test to see how things are progressing.

What is next on the agenda is stem cell collection which, believe it or not, could begin on Monday morning! If blood levels are right, I will be hooked up to a machine which draws my blood out, filters out stem cells, and returns the blood...all in one smooth motion. I can only imagine the cost of that machine...and this treatment. (Thankfully, I only have to imagine...the church has provided us with great insurance coverage!) It could take one to four days of stem cell collection to have "enough" (whatever that correct amount is). These will be frozen and kept for a later date when the chemo is completed and they are ready to "plant" these "seeds" back in my bone marrow for "sprouting."

So, the key prayer request I would share is for blood levels to build back up to normal and that the stem cell collection would go smoothly this week. Pray too for opportunities to represent Jesus well. Thanks to so many who have expressed the fact that they are praying for us regularly. Your support has been a key part of our encouragement and strength during these challenging days.

Spirit: "Even Now" Joel 2:12
God's character traits of holiness and righteousness are clearly seen in Scripture in some remarkable places - - the precision of the Tabernacle and sacrificial system; the detail of the priests' approach to God; His judgments; etc.

But His character traits of love, grace and mercy are equally clear and revealed in special ways, even in the Old Testament. Joel 2:12 is one of those places and it takes the form of two words, "Even now..." From Joel 1:1 -- 2:11, God is ready to judge severely. Notice Joel 2:11, "The day of the Lord is great; it is dreadful. Who can endure it?" The Day of the Lord is a dreadful day of judgment. But it all changes from Joel 2:12 -- 3:21 for Israel. If Israel repents, God will forgive and spare them. And it all begins with those two words of transition, "even now."

"Even now" means it's not too late.
"Even now" says there is a future in spite of the failures of the past.
"Even now" says don't give up no matter how bad the past has been.
"Even now" offers hope to repentant souls.

Am I ever glad for "even now!" I have needed it this week as emotions bounce, as plans change, as physical strength wanes. My reactions have not always been "pastoral" and I've needed "even now." Probably some of you need those words today, too. He is so good! We are so blessed!

"Lord, I rejoice that You are a God who says, "Even now..." a lot!! Because I need it a lot! Praise Your Name!"

Continuing the Journey

2010-07-03T16:51:00.001-04:00

Greetings blog followers! This is Krista McIntyre, guest writer and Pastor Dave’s oldest daughter. I feel honored to be writing here today, and though I’m not new to the “blog world,” I was hesitant to take on this responsibility because I didn’t think that there was anything that I could share that would match the deep entries that my Dad has written. But I get to bring a different perspective this week; mostly as an observer. This is sometimes the hardest place to be -- it’s frustrating, infuriating, and somewhat depressing.

A little background: I was more than an observer, I was the “caregiver” this week. My Mom had the privilege of accompanying the youth group to the EFCA National Conference in Columbus, Ohio for the week. This was a difficult decision for her, but it was a great opportunity for Elise and me to spend some quality time with Dad.

We reported to Yale-New Haven Hospital on Tuesday, June 29. We rode on the elevator past the familiar floors of the Smilow Cancer Center where I had spent time in the past and I began to get nervous. What was I thinking that I could possibly care for Dad in the ways he needed!? We got to his room and he was immediately given instructions about the floor, his room, and he was given an overview for what was going to happen while he was there. My head began to spin with different medications’ names that I didn’t understand and the sinking feeling in my stomach began to feel stronger. Dad looked calm; ready to take on the world, which is one of the many reasons I respect and love him so much. He never seems thrown by the craziness of life because he is so firmly set in Christ. The medicine took a while to be ordered, but we finally began the chemo at 4:00. This chemo ended at 10:00 PM and by 11:00 PM he started his 24-hour dose of chemo #2. Elise (who joined me everyday after work) and I left at around 10:00. He seemed apprehensive about the side effects, but at that point, he still was feeling fine and he had been very encouraged because he met with his small group in his hospital room.

Wednesday morning I came in around 8:45 with Dunkin’ Donuts coffee (as requested) and Dad looked great! He was sitting up, he was cheerful, and was feeling fine. He had already eaten his breakfast and was working on emails for church. I was surprised. I had expected to see my Dad in horrible shape, and it was such an encouragement to my heart to see him alert. During the day people came to visit and Dad used any opportunity he was given to share the gospel with the nurses and physicians caring for him. He was quickly becoming one of the favorite patients on the 11th floor, and I can’t say I was surprised. When Elise and I left at 9:30 Dad was still feeling well and it was almost time to switch the treatments.

Thursday morning I walked in and saw an immediate change. Although it was almost 9:00 Dad was still dozing and he actually looked sick. My stomach sank and a feeling of panic took over as I asked how he was feeling. I already knew the answer before he spoke. He wasn’t feeling well; this was the beginning of his long summer. My stomach continued to churn as I asked what I could do, and for the first time in three days, he said there was nothing I could do. I felt helpless and as nurses came to check on him I felt even more so. I went down to a garden on the 7th floor and as I sat on a rock in the beautiful July sunshine, I cried. I didn’t just cry a few tears, I sobbed uncontrollably as mascara dripped down my cheeks. I cried because there was nothing I could do, because I was angry, and because I felt so useless. This was my Daddy and I wanted to make him feel better and I couldn’t. I wanted God to fix it. I realized I was angry and frustrated because God hadn’t answered my prayers. All of Calvary Church was praying for my Dad and this is how God answered our prayers?? I recollected myself and let him sleep until the final treatment ended at 2:00 and we went home at 3:00. He slept for the rest of the afternoon, and after eating some toast and fruit he went to sleep.

Friday and today (Saturday) looked similar to Thursday afternoon, lots of sleeping and not a lot of eating because Dad doesn’t have the energy or the appetite. I don’t know if we see the light at the end of the tunnel yet, but I’m straining my eyes waiting for it, and I’m sure Dad is too.

Rereading some of my Dad’s posts, he always encourages his readers with what he is learning through this place in life, and even though this post is WAY longer than any of Dad’s, I want to make sure I add in this piece of what God is teaching me.

Earlier I said I’m an observer. I don’t feel the pain, but I see it. I’m starting to see, among other things, that God has placed my father in each of our lives to show us a Godly example of how to handle struggles.

Sometimes I am admittedly selfish and I don’t know why God is using these circumstances in his life. He’s the man who wiped my tears when I scraped my knee, he’s the man who bought me my first Bible, he’s the man who led me to Christ, the man who has listened intently to every story I’ve ever told, and he’s the man who’s been excited for each success I’ve ever had and has comforted me after each failure. He was the man that carried furniture to my dorm room and the man who prayed with me over the phone the day I started my job. He’ll eventually be the man who walks me down the aisle to my husband, and the man who will hold my children and guide them as he has guided me.

I’ve had time to think and process what is happening. He’s humble, generous, and loving. He’s focused on the right things in life and is always striving to allow his life to be an example and a witness to those around him. My Dad is an amazing man.

God has allowed him to go through this suffering to encourage and to challenge you and me. No matter what we are struggling with, God can use it to further His kingdom…if we allow Him to. I admit that this is something I struggle with. I struggle with feeling angry about my Dad’s cancer, but since his diagnosis God has taught me to trust and be thankful for how He is using my Dad in my life and in the lives of others. When I focus on that, I see that God has given me great witnessing opportunities with my co-workers and has allowed me to encourage some of my college friends and even some of you at Calvary Church.

As an observer of my Dad, I am learning that I can encourage others no matter what is happening in my life. It’s a daily choice, but when I do, I’m blessed.

Thanks for letting me share with you. Thanks for being a part of my Dad’s life. Thanks for taking care of him and using your gifts to encourage him. As a family we can never begin to express it enough.

A Long Summer

2010-06-25T20:18:00.005-04:00

Body:
When last we met on this blog the suspense was building as the doctor was weighing different treatment options. (a little humorous review:-) Well, the suspense was ended on Thursday when I went for a blood test. (By the way, there were significant improvements in my blood levels.) Because I hadn't received a phone call from the doctor, I asked the nurse if she could find out what he had planned. They answered "big time!" They dumped the whole truckload. I met with the assistant and with the transplant coordinator. They told me all that is projected to take place and gave me a rough timeline for these events...which can be summarized with this blog title: A Long Summer!

Next week I will be an inpatient at Yale for three days (Tuesday -- Thursday) to receive a new and very potent chemo followed by 12 daily shots to boost blood levels until the collection of my stem cells for the future transplant. Then, after meeting with the doctor about a week later, I'll be an inpatient at Yale again for four days (Wednesday -- Sunday) for another type of chemo. After this, there will be a couple weeks of monitoring blood levels in preparation for another doctor's appointment and the intensive chemo that prepares me for the stem cell transplant.

Key point: This will be an "all summer" situation...and well into September.

Spirit:
I must confess I wasn't ready for that...and I've spent the last couple days processing it. I found the "Why?" question pushing its way to the surface...which is usually the prelude to a "pity party" focused on the injustices of life and even suspicions about God's plan. There was also a heaviness as I thought about the summer and the challenges before me...a lot of unfamiliar territory. The seriousness of my condition and the lengths to which doctors were going to go to fight this cancer added to the heaviness of my heart. Finally, there were complaints in my spirit about the way the hospital staff dumped this truckload of information on me...and then sent me on my way.

Summary: I wasn't in a very good place.

So what has made the difference in these days as I have processed these realities? There are a couple of observations that have helped me. First, I realized I was living the whole summer, all the treatments, the seriousness of the condition, and the myriad of unknowns in a single moment of time! That's a pretty heavy load...and it is one God never intended me to carry. His grace is measured out for each day and I can't carry tomorrow's struggles today and have enough grace to carry the load. Some would state the principle this way, "One day at a time." I would prefer to state it this way, "Yet I call this to mind and therefore I have hope: Because of the Lord's great love we are not consumed, for His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness. I say to myself, 'The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him.'" (Lam. 3:21-24) Granted, it's a little longer...not as pithy or memorable, but infinitely more meaningful to the believer.

Second, reflecting on the truths of the passage I'll be preaching on Sunday had a wonderful calming and re-focusing effect. The truth of Scripture always does that. In Ephesians 6:23-24 there are four key blessings that Paul prays God will give to the believers: Peace, Love, Faith, and Grace. How can you NOT be re-focused if you spend a little time reflecting on these words? God wants my life to be marked by His peace, love, faith, and grace. Wow! How blessed I am!

So, with renewed focus, perspective and appreciation, I wait expectantly for the Lord's provision for every challenge that comes my way because, as a blog I am familiar with says, "Hope does not disappoint!"

A Full Day

2010-06-22T07:56:00.003-04:00

Body: Yesterday was a full day at Yale as I had a blood test at 9, a PET scan at 11, treatment at 12:30 and a doctor's appointment at 2:30. I'm getting to know the new Smilow Cancer Hospital very well!

Here is the bottom line on yesterday's activities. Blood counts were low enough that I was given a blood transfusion. How thankful I am for those blood drives that Calvary has and the people who are willing to give blood. I've always been on the "giving" end...this was a first, being on the "receiving" end...and I'm very grateful.

The PET Scan revealed that the cancer spot is smaller, but still there, clearly. The doctor, Andrea and I talked about various options which he is now weighing. He'll get back to me in a couple of days with that which he thinks is best. So it appears there will be another treatment step before the "intensive" step of the stem cell transplant (my own stem cells).

Thanks so much for your notes, emails, Facebook posts and calls of encouragement and prayer support. Each is treasured!

Spirit: "The Downside of Knowledge" Daniel 5
We frequently hear the comment that knowledge is a wonderful thing. Having knowledge opens doors; it allows advancement because that which is learned acts like a foundation or platform upon which we can stand to reach new heights; it advances careers, as those who know more are given prime jobs (see Daniel 1). Knowledge is always a good thing.

However, there is a downside to knowledge which this text illustrates. Knowledge brings responsibility with it. If you "know", you are responsible to act in light of that knowledge...and sometimes we don't want to act responsibly.

That's Belshazzar!! God treated his father differently, giving him a "second chance" because Nebuchadnezzar didn't know. He cut Belshazzar off immediately, without warning or second chance because he knew and was responsible but was disobedient. Daniel goes right after it in verses 18f in his preamble to interpreting the writing on the wall.

I have been given much knowledge...we all have. The church in America has more knowledge of Scripture available to it than any place on earth. With knowledge comes responsibility. I don't live up to that responsibility many times. The knowledge I emphasize is that God is gracious and forgiving. I know God is forgiving and assume He will give second, third, fourth....chances. I don't act on the knowledge that God is holy and in every situation I am to do His will.

Can anyone identify with this tendency? How does that verse go, "to whom much is given, much will be required"? I think that works with knowledge as well.

Blood Work And The Week Ahead

2010-06-17T19:21:00.003-04:00

Body:
It's been more than a week since I was thanking the Lord that blood levels were in the normal range so I could have the next round of chemo. Well let me tell you something...I wasn't feeling too thankful last weekend! The last round hit me pretty hard on Saturday and Sunday, but by Monday, I was feeling better and was able to work most of the day on Tuesday and lead my Community@Calvary that evening.

Today, I must confess, I was expecting my blood work would indicate a blood transfusion would be needed because blood levels were too low. Another surprise: whites are in the LL (very low) category but reds are just in the L (low) category...and not as bad as the results after the first round of this new regimen.

So, I'll need to be careful about my "people contact" this weekend and I would appreciate your prayer for my physical health (I've felt the early symptoms of a cold coming).

Another prayer request concerns Monday's coming events: I have a blood draw at 9:00 am; a PET Scan at 11:00 am; treatment at 12:30 pm; and I see my doctor at 2:20 pm for the wrap-up report on where we are and what the game plan is going forward. Thanks for your prayers.

Spirit: Daniel 1:8 "The Resolution"
Sometimes a small thing makes a huge difference in a life. A decision on a small issue sets in motion a whole cascading set of effects that change every other decision and the course of life. This is what I see in Daniel's resolution/determination in vs 8. He may not have had in mind all the decisions he would make throughout the book, but this one made those possible and set them in motion.

It actually was a minor issue, when you think about it -- food. It could easily have been excused or rationalized. But Daniel resolved not to let it go or allow it to be minor. And his life and blessing were very different as a result.

How many times, especially as I am older, do I let things slide; does my resolve get sacrificed; does my determination get trumped by things I know aren't best. They may not be huge, but they are clear. This is the essence of discipline -- one resolution at a time. This changes the course of a life. This is what God sees and blesses. This is uphill living. This is God honoring! This is making a difference for God and good in the world.

"Lord, I haven't 'done a Daniel' often enough in my life. Forgive me. I can't re-live those moments. But I can be like Daniel today for Your glory and honor. Help me to see and seize each opportunity."

Final Round Begun!!!

2010-06-09T17:24:00.003-04:00

Body: Thank you to all of you who have been praying about low blood counts and have been wondering if I was able to begin the chemo regimen this week. Here is how God answered your prayer. My white counts continued to climb into normal range (4.2) AND my red counts went from 38 (LL) to 294 in one week (well into the normal range). This brought a "wow" from the nurse checking my counts. I say, "Praise God and thanks prayer warriors." So, they began the last round of treatment yesterday and today I continued with it.

The infusions have gone well...they have just taken a long time and I feel tired at the end of the day (completed at 4:00 pm yesterday and 3:00 today). There are a few side effects which are more of a nuisance than anything else. I can't complain a bit. The Lord has been so very gracious!!

Spirit: From the heart...this past week has had some very bright and dark days. Our family continues to do well as we adjust to the home going of Dad Landru. Andrea speaks to Mom regularly and we are grateful for a loving family that is close at hand to offer assistance and support to her. But we also know she grieves deeply and Andrea grieves too. Thanks for remembering these special ladies in my life.

My Mom undergoes hip replacement surgery on Monday which is a concern as she has osteoporosis and is 86 years of age. However, she is active and this is really cramping her style. So, by God's grace, she will be up and at 'em in a few weeks. Please pray.

Many of you know that Krista's job was terminated due to budget constraints of the Waukegan school system. We rejoiced with her yesterday when she received a call that they have a position for her and are excited about her rejoining the faculty this fall. That has been the prayer of our heart for her because of the contribution she has made to the school and the love God has given her for the students. May this year be an even more productive year of ministry and service.

Personally, this week was a time of great joy as I was able to study and preach on Sunday. I was extra tired on Sunday afternoon, but the privilege of preaching the Word was a great joy. Monday, though was a very difficult day for me in a number of ways. The cascading together of several things brought me to the edge of real discouragement and despair. Not to worry, the Lord was very gracious and gave me some wonderful encouragement on Tuesday through the blood counts and some of the reading/curriculum evaluation I was doing. I was re-centered and re-focused by Tuesday afternoon.

I share this because spiritual attack can be so unexpected and intense. We must always be on guard. I would also share that as a result of this attack, I believe I have some insight into ministry improvement which will make a difference for the Kingdom as we move forward. What Satan means for evil, the Lord can use for good, if we are watching for it.

So, no passage from Scripture, but a personal life story from the McIntyre treasure trove of God's gracious lessons/blessings. Thanks for your love and support.

An Incredible Weekend -- The Update

2010-06-01T18:38:00.004-04:00

Body: Thanks so much for your prayer support for our family this weekend. It was a special weekend to honor a much loved father, grandfather and servant of the Lord Jesus Christ. We flew to WI on Friday and the Lord kept us all healthy through the preparations for the service and a wonderfully full and meaningful service of tribute to dad and worship of the Lord. The entire "clan" (33 members at last count) were there and involved. Mom Landru is doing well, but difficult days lie ahead and I would appreciate your prayer support for her.

Many of you are aware that the blood counts last Thursday were very low (LL for my white counts and L for reds) which caused some concern and several lectures from the Yale staff about the seriousness of the situation as I travelled. I used a mask on the trips out and back and felt very good throughout the weekend. Thanks for praying. We arrived back from WI early this morning due to travel delays. I avoided as much contact with people as possible and was feeling great this morning.

Blood counts initially looked good this morning and they gave me part of the regimen, but then received word from the physician's assistant that my red counts were too low and so I would need to wait until next week for chemo. As I looked closely, the red counts are now LL, so I would appreciate your prayer about that as well.

Again, I have no anxiety about this and am resting in a Sovereign God who knows what should take place and when. I would ask that you pray that I can remain healthy this week and be ready for next Tuesday through Thursday!!

Your prayer support for Andrea, her mom, our family and her extended family have been so deeply appreciated. The Lord has been our Strength and Comfort. He is our Salvation.

Calling Out the Prayer Warriors!!

2010-05-27T16:47:00.004-04:00

Body: Since my entry on Tuesday, I've been gaining strength and feeling so much better. I was able to work a full day yesterday and would have today except for my appointment at Yale for blood work.

The blood work revealed that my white counts are very low (I now have an "LL" next to my white count number...which is not good) and my red counts are getting there (still just one "L"). With the travel and funeral this weekend, the staff is very concerned about infection and went through the "drill" with me several times and from several angles.

Would you please pray that I am able to travel safely to and from Wisconsin; spend time with the extended family appropriately; and minister at the funeral of my father-in-law?

Yale staff still believe I'll be OK for chemo next week, which would be my heart's desire.

Spirit: Just want you to know that I am enjoying a peace that passes understanding. The Lord is good!

Quick Update

2010-05-24T17:51:00.003-04:00

Body: Most of you are aware that I started a new regimen of chemo because of the "stubborn spot" revealed in the recent PET Scan. The three days of infusion went very well and I was able to do a graveside service on Friday for the Sampson family and a funeral service on Saturday for the Lewis family. The cumulative effect of this chemo began to really hit on Saturday.

There are a couple of needs that I share with you. The neuropathy (numbness in the fingers and feet) has been a real challenge and just plain old tiredness. I have found myself needing to rest a lot more than I would like...and not fighting it at all!

I'll have a blood test on Thursday which will likely reveal that the chemo has made blood counts very low. Please remember me in prayer with those low blood counts as our family gets on a plane on Friday along with all those recirculated germs to head for Wisconsin to be with family after the death of "Dad" Landru. This will be a bittersweet time as we remember a life well lived and mourn the loss...but not without incredible Hope in the Savior.

Spirit: Resting and waiting in the hope that does not disappoint. With confidence in the King and a desire to serve Him well...PD

My Portion, Settled and Sure

2010-05-17T17:13:00.005-04:00

Body: I am now the proud possessor of a port! The procedure went very smoothly and in 2 1/2 hours, I was out and on my way. The port will make all the nurses in the chemo treatment area smile when I walk through the door, rather than run. Seriously, for that which is upcoming, this will save my veins and ease their job of administering the treatments.

The word is that tomorrow morning at 8:30 a.m. I have blood drawn and 9:10 a.m. the first infusion of the new chemo. Thanks for your prayers.

Spirit: My Portion, Settled and Sure Lamentations 3:24f

Like many favorite passages of Scripture, Lamentations 3:22-23 (...His compassions never fail. They are new every morning; great is Your faithfulness.) has a larger context which is often missed. In reading this passage yesterday I was struck by vs 24, "The Lord is my portion; therefore I will wait for Him."

When Israel was in Egypt, God promised them a portion in the promised land. That promise and that portion kept them going. It was their inheritance; the "pot of gold at the end of the rainbow"; the paycheck at the end of a long hard work week.

As Jeremiah surveyed the devastation all around him after Jerusalem's destruction, all he had was the Lord...and that was enough. He is my portion, my inheritance, my reward. No matter what was destroyed in the onslaught against Jerusalem, his portion could not be taken.

But he must have felt pretty empty as he looked around and saw the smouldering ruins and heard the groans of his people. That's where the most striking part of the statement comes in: "...therefore I will wait for Him." Because of the choice he has made as to his inheritance/reward (the Lord), he now indicates what his responsibility is: to wait. If God is God, then waiting for Him to act is the wisest thing a man/woman can do. If He is sufficient, then He is worth waiting for and waiting upon.

I find it also interesting that a choice he made in the past (decision concerning his "portion") puts into motion his plan of action now ("waiting"). He is not overwhelmed with, "What should I do?" "Where should I go?" "When should I act?" He knows the next move is God's...and he is to wait.

What that waiting looks like is described in vs 25-33. It involves time alone, struggle, even adversity and opposition. While it may seem at times that God has abandoned him, he is confident of God's compassion and His unfailing love in the end. Why? Because God is his portion!! So, whatever occurs, his course is set because of the "portion" he has chosen. His job description is also clear: wait!

This is a helpful section of Scripture for me as I go through this treatment for cancer. It reminds me of my job right now: waiting in quiet submission before Him, whatever is going on in life. It also reminds me that what I do now is the result of choices made years ago when God, in His grace, allowed me to see that He is what life is all about; He is the "grand prize." To know and love Him is what makes life meaningful. So, because He IS my portion, I will wait and watch to see His hand at work.

"Lord, You are my portion...the whole pie...all that matters. I wait for You to act concerning this cancer...whatever it may bring. May I not miss what You are doing and teaching."

PET scan update

2010-05-13T18:10:00.003-04:00

It's Andrea, this time....a visiting "writer" to this blog. We're a little pressed for time tonight, since we have to be at Trumbull High soon. So while Dave is eating dinner, I am posting an update from our visit to the doctor this afternoon.

Dr. Cooper was disappointed to see that the PET scan showed that there was still a spot of cancer -- it's 80-90% gone, but there is still a spot that showed up on the PET scan. Usually, he says that by the 4th round of chemo, they don't find anything on the PET scan and then the 5th and 6th treatments are kind of like "clean up" chemos. Since there still is cancer there, he wants to change the last two treatments to a different kind of chemotherapy which uses different drugs. He said that the residual lymphoma cancer cells that are still there MAY be resistant to the other treatment he was on, and using the new drugs may prove to be effective on these resistant cells.

Treatment WAS going to be on Tuesday, as originally scheduled, but they want to have a port put in first so that giving the treatments from now on will be easier. -- The nurses who had a hard time finding a decent vein for the infusions will be happier, too! :) SO, we are supposed to get a call tomorrow, letting us know when the port will be put in next week and then they will tell us when the treatment will start. We are guessing Dr. Cooper wants to stay as close to the schedule as possible, so if he gets the port on Tuesday, we are thinking that he may have treatment on Wednesday. Stay tuned....!

This new treatment is a little different...instead of being given all in one day, like we have been used to, it will be given in 3 consecutive days. Then he will have a 2 or 3 week break before getting the last treatment. When we asked about side effects, he said it all depends....some people think it's the same as the other chemo, some think the chemo we are on now is worse, and others think the new chemo Dave will be having has worse side effects. Obviously, we continue to pray for healing of ALL the cancer and it would be really nice if the side effects are not any worse than what he has been experiencing.

The plan of action after these last two treatments is kind of like before.....after his blood cell counts "recover", they will harvest his stem cells. When they have enough, he'll have the 6-day- every-day chemo "blast" to "wipe out everything" (as the doctor says). Once that is done, they will put the stem cells back in and then do another PET scan. If it is all clear, he still wants to do radiation on the spot where the cancer was concentrated just to make sure there is nothing left.

The time frame of all this?? We really have no idea...but we know the Lord does and we continue to trust Him for each day and for His perfect timing and perfect will. Thanks SO much for all your prayers!

In Wrath, Hope And Tenderness

2010-05-11T17:00:00.005-04:00

Body: Have you ever turned suddenly, walked into a low tree branch, and almost knocked yourself out? You stagger for a moment, wondering if anyone got the license plate number of the truck that hit you! Well, that's what the last couple of days have been like for me.

We had a great weekend at the wedding in Nashville. The family was together; the wedding went smoothly; and we traveled back safely, arriving about 12:30 am Monday morning. What a delight!

As a result of the over-the-top weekend, I knew Monday would be tough as I came off some of the medications (steroids). Wow! I didn't move too much (and didn't care to, either); slept a lot; and then slept some more. Talk about feeling "wimpy!"

Today was definitely better, but still challenging. On the medical front, today's blood counts were low but not too bad and the nurse was encouraging. I have the PET scan tomorrow and see the doctor on Thursday.

Thanks for your prayer support for me and my family. Definitely needed and appreciated!!

Spirit: "In Wrath, Hope And Tenderness" Jeremiah 23

You know what amazes me about God? It's the way He disciplines. In Jeremiah 23 we see a great example of His full dealing with rebellious Israel. There is firm, certain, harsh judgment awaiting Israel. Make no mistake -- God sees it all (vs 23-24) and He will judge (vs 12, 14b-15, 19-20). But notice how He begins the chapter with hope (vs 1-8). Here is the way it WILL be; here is what the True Shepherd WILL do. This is what God WILL do after judgment on the false shepherds and disobedient people. Also notice in vs 9 the sadness of heart in Jeremiah over these prophets and the message of judgment that must be given. His heart breaks for the people and he is overwhelmed by the Word of God he must deliver to them.

It is this mark of tenderness in Jeremiah and the message of hope from God that distinguishes Christianity from any other religion. God LOVES us, and I must always remember that in dealing with those created in His image and for whom Jesus died. People may do despicable and evil things, but anger and wrath must not rule my heart. Love must be at the base -- the love of God. It is only when I weep for those who are in rebellion that my heart is becoming like that of my Savior.

"Lord, You give stern messages in Jeremiah, but when I look closely, I can always see hope, mercy and love for Your people. Help me to remember and emulate. May my heart be broken for those facing Your judgment."

A Hard Word

2010-05-04T21:25:00.001-04:00

Body: What a day! After I arrived at Yale and had blood drawn, I went to the infusion area. They had no record of my appointment and no orders for chemo for today. Not to worry, we got it all straightened out and I was able to speak with my doctor for 15 minutes about the scheduling issues and other topics that were on our (Andrea's and my) minds. I did have chemo #4 today (two thirds done!) and am feeling tired but grateful for a loving family and praying congregation. We were finished and on our way home by about 3:30pm.

Also, I got the scoop on which scan my doctor wanted. It IS the PET scan (and he explained why...so if you are interested you can ask me). THAT scan is now scheduled for next Wednesday morning with an appointment with the doctor that afternoon for results. So there is a delay in knowing how effective the treatments are, but they are moving ahead anyway. I have much to be thankful for this evening. Thanks for your prayer support.

Spirit: Jeremiah 21-22 "A Hard Word"

These are two of the hardest chapters in the Bible. I'm sure they were hard messages to deliver...and hard messages for God to give. There is no grace here. It is time to "pay the piper" and there is no more to be said. The only "out" is in Jeremiah 21:8-9: to surrender. If they surrender, they will survive. There is no alternative, that is it.

"I have determined to do this country harm and not good." (Jeremiah 21:10) How would you like to hear those words about America? The king's death will not be mourned (22:18); he will have the burial of a donkey (22:19). Of another king, he will be recorded as childless (22:30) because none of his descendants will rule. How stark; how final; how cold.

There are times when a hard word is more true and more needful than a word of comfort, encouragement or grace. Confrontation is an important part of God's call. He doesn't get to this point often, but He does get there and His mouthpieces need to be willing to deliver that message. I struggle with that. I hate displeasing and offending. I want to speak hope and comfort...and that is God's usual message. But I need to be willing to speak His displeasure and discipline too...if I'm truly His called one.

"Lord, I don't do it well and I need to do it better, but Lord, help me to speak the hard word in tenderness and through tears...as You would."

False Prophets

2010-05-03T13:01:00.009-04:00

Body: You need to know that I'm feeling well, BUT I have fallen into the computer "black hole" at Yale so didn't have my PET scan today! When calling to confirm, I found my appointment was not in the computer, so I hadn't gotten my "robot call" confirming my appointment, telling me I shouldn't eat or workout. I had done both (and had a VERY good workout, I might add!).

So, if confirmed tomorrow, I am scheduled for something on Wednesday (discussions being whether it should be a PET or CT scan....stay tuned). I do have chemo tomorrow, but since the assessment test has been delayed, I won't get the results until next week.

Spirit: Jeremiah 14:13-16 "False Prophets"
I've always wondered how the false prophets got their start. Did they just say one day, "I'm pretty good with words. No one will know whether what I say is true or not. I can make a few bucks by telling people what they want to hear." I doubt it. I think it was gradual. They may have genuinely sought God and felt they heard from Him at some early points in their career. They may have gotten a few things right early on in their predictions.

Or, as they started their ministry, they may have noticed that certain themes and messages and phrases were "winners." People liked hearing them and were encouraged and helped by them. It kept the people positive and working together. Of course, they may have been motivated from the beginning by a desire for money and influence. The answer is probably a whole host of motivations and circumstances.

How many preachers, Sunday School teachers and Bible study leaders come close to the category of "false prophets?" -- People who handle God's Word as a proof text or a manual with favorites to pull out for every occasion. They are good at quieting, assuring, comforting and encouraging others, but rarely challenge them or help them really "dig in" to the Word for themselves; People who do it for the money, recognition or influence but forget that this call is to bring people to God's truth; People who won't say hard things, only easy, desired things, convenient things; People who face serious judgment. I wonder.

"Lord, I ask You to make me a Jeremiah. May I hear Your voice clearly and only speak Your heart to Your people. Not for influence or money or recognition, but for Your glory and approval alone."

"His Rightful Due"

2010-04-27T16:43:00.006-04:00

Body: I came down "hard" from the meds yesterday. It is amazing what those little pills can do to your body and outlook, if you aren't prepared for it. Today was a "blood levels" day, so I spent the morning at Yale. Gratefully, the levels weren't too low. This is the day when levels are supposed to be at their lowest and after the last treatment, the levels were "through the floor." But not this time...and I know why! Thanks for praying. By God's grace we're holding our own...a few side effects, but doing well.

Spirit: "His Rightful Due" Jeremiah 10:7
Have you ever "gotten what's coming to you?" That can be in a bad sense - usually - or in a good sense. Phil Michelson "got what's coming to him" recently when he won The Masters golf tournament. He received a green jacket and a wheelbarrow full of money. But Bernie Madoff also "got what was coming to him" and he'll be in jail for the rest of his life.

What does God "have coming to Him?" Verse 7 says that what He is due is reverence because He is King of the nations. This brings up an interesting point because people (and God) often don't get "what's coming to them"...at least for now. Justice and recognition of heart effort and truth often are misjudged, overlooked, under appreciated or ignored. Many of us are counting on God to set all this right in eternity for ourselves. When does He get what is due Him? Does He have to wait for eternity? Wouldn't it be great if He got some of what He deserved now?

That's the high calling of the believer: to give to God the honor, glory, reverence, love, devotion and praise that is due Him. Even our best shot will fall far short, but it's a start. It's a foretaste of what will one day fully be disclosed.

The King getting what is due Him will be the theme of heaven. What a privilege to be part of the precursor - to get a head start on that wonderful privilege. So I have a choice this day and every day, no matter what circumstances or struggles I face -- to give the praise that is due Him. To have that insight early, and do something about it; that is living well!!

"Lord, You are the King of all the earth. I sing to you willingly and joyfully today in all I do. You are worthy!!"

The Exchange

2010-04-20T17:58:00.005-04:00

Body: It has been a week since my last post because there was nothing new to report. I couldn't have chemo due to a cold that just kept hanging on. However, today, it was cleared up, blood work was fine and I sat in the chair and received the treatment. It is amazing how grateful I was to be able to receive it...when we all know I'd rather not have to have it! The Lord is so good. I may have more to report later this week...

Spirit: Jeremiah 2:11-13 "The Exchange"
In Jeremiah's first recorded word of prophecy to Israel we see a powerful apologetic in God's defense as a wake up call to Israel and as an explanation about why they experience what they presently do. Wave after wave of God's logic breaks on the beach. Each is clear, compelling and marked by God's love and Israel's guilt. None is more stark than Jer. 2:11-13. Here God compares the nations around them to Israel. These nations are totally loyal to their gods, even though their gods are not God and do them no good. The nations' loyalty is admirable. Israel has the REAL God but they are not loyal to Him; they exchange Him for worthless gods.

Jeremiah uses the phrase "their Glory" to describe God. What a phrase: what sets them apart; what made them who they are; the One Who makes them stand out and unique; without which they would be ordinary. It is this One that they "trade in." They exchange the Spectacular for the ordinary.

That's who the Lord is for me....and for any Christian. Without Him, we are nothing. He's what makes our lives worth noticing. He's what makes us stand out in a crowd. He has given us all we have. He IS our identity! Now the key questions: Are those statements true in my life? Is He my glory -- the One who draws people to me; makes me stand out? Not sure but that I'm a lot like Israel at times. Dumb exchange, huh? What do I want people to notice: Me (capitalized on purpose -- false worship of self) or God?

"Lord, forgive me for so often exchanging my real Glory -- You -- for an idol -- Me. Please be my Glory always and help me remember that You are far more Spectacular than ordinary me. May people see You clearly. Amen."

God's Trump Card

2010-04-13T17:42:00.001-04:00

Body: Well, today was supposed to be the day I received my third chemo treatment. (How is that for letting you know things didn't go "according to plan"?) I arrived on time; had blood drawn; the levels were all great; got into the chair; got the saline IV started (on the 3rd try); and then (2 hrs. of saline later), they looked closely at the test they took last Tuesday...and listened to my lungs...and decided that the cold I had been fighting was still hanging around too strongly for them to proceed. A very disappointing morning...but the Lord's will be done.

I'm now being scheduled for a "port" in the near future and I'm set for chemo next Tuesday. Thanks for praying that this cold dissipates and that next week is a "go"!

Spirit: Jeremiah 5:31 "God's Trump Card"
It is amazing to watch men in their intrigues. With great effort and calculated moves, man places the chess pieces, knocking off rivals, pushing past the competition, enjoying alliances, making deals and getting himself to a place where he feels he is "king." For some, the process works better than for others. What is truly amazing though, is that these same crafty, calculating, resourceful, brilliant strategists miss the most obvious fact of all: you are going to die someday...then what?

This is the summary statement of Jeremiah 5:31. The people love the false prophets and the selfish priests. It's a system they know and have learned to use to good advantage. They are comfortable and content. But then come God's haunting words: "But what will you do in the end?"

Everything is set for life continuing on as it always has. They have taken into account all facets of the system. It is working to their benefit. Let it continue on forever. BUT IT WON'T!

How often are we that same way - even as believers? Living for the moment and this tangible world; forgetting, even momentarily, that eternity is the real deal. How obvious the application to my life today!

"Lord, may I live this day with this phrase in mind and may the choices of this day reflect eternity's importance and reality to me. Amen."

Called And Known

2010-04-11T17:47:00.001-04:00

Body: The support, love and encouragement that my family and I have received just in the last week have been so great...and so greatly needed. Cards, emails, calls, "goodies", special gestures of support (see picture of Mike & Jan with me last Sunday...blew me away), Bible verses, and assurances of prayer have been such a great blessing. Thanks so very much!!

As I write on Sunday afternoon, I am finally starting to feel pretty good. The week has been a series of steps from Monday on and we are getting to a place where it's feeling like "normal." Admittedly, this cold was a real struggle, but with blood counts rising (that's what they say should be happening in my body), I think the "good guys" are really winning. Hopefully I'll be able to let you know on Tuesday that another round of treatment is "in the rearview mirror." Thanks for praying.

Spirit: Jeremiah 1:5, 10 "Called And Known"

I have always loved Jeremiah's call from the Lord. It is so personal ("before I formed you I knew you"), specific, intentional ("before you were born I set you apart") and significant ("I appointed you as a prophet to the nations"). God's hand is on Jeremiah for a great work and nations will be impacted by his efforts. What an incredible "base" to establish before all the struggles of ministry occur. I'm sure he came back to that call often in life, especially when things were difficult.

The application I've always focused on was God's call on my life and others' lives being just as personal, specific, intentional and significant. But it's the "significant" part that needs some expansion and adjustment in my heart. What I think significant and what God thinks may be two different things at times. Am I content with His definition? Am I content with my "significance" being "in the shadow" of someone else or another ministry that is bigger and accomplishing more? Am I willing to be a small player on God's stage -- a "no name" part of the troupe -- or do I need a star role? Is it only "significant" if it is "great" in my mind? Will I give my best to the part, however large or small it is...because of Who extended the call? Is the call's significance based on WHAT it is or WHO has called?

This cancer is part of the role God has called me to play. It brings me low. It limits my activity and service. I don't like it. It's also the role He has assigned me in His foreknowledge and wisdom. I will play this role with joy in the shadows. Being low is important to His plan too.

"Lord, I embrace the role You've assigned me with joy because YOU assign it...and You know what is best...for YOUR glory alone. Large or small, long or short, named or unknown, I am called by You and I will serve wholeheartedly. In Jesus' name, Amen."

All That Matters

2010-04-07T16:59:00.001-04:00

Body: It is Wednesday and what a week it has been. Easter was an incredible day and I was so very blessed. Maybe it was the energy drain of Sunday, or the cold that I contracted, or the "come down" from the steroids, but whatever the reason(s) I learned the true meaning on Monday of "hitting the wall." WOW! I was basically good for nothing...what a whipped puppy. I found out on Tuesday that my white cells had tanked due to the last treatment. The nurse wasn't surprised I was "washed out."

Thankfully, the energy level is improving and the cold has not become too serious and hasn't resulted in a fever. I'm hopeful that my energy level will be stronger as we come to the weekend.

Spirit: Isaiah 66:2b "All That Matters"
Our God is a big God. He possesses all that is and deserves the very best. Many in Israel had gotten caught up in the greatness of the sacrifices and the pomp and circumstance of the Law. Certainly commendable, but worthless without the prerequisite condition which is identified in vs 2. Who does God hold in high regard and love? Who gets His attention? Who touches God's heart and brings Him joy? It isn't the one who gets all the details of the sacrifices right and the rest of the externals correct. Israel was good with the externals all along but their heart was far from God.

The one God esteems is the one who is humble and broken over sin. They understand that it is only the grace of God that allows them to live. They deserve no special favor...they know they really deserve judgment.

But there is one other key ingredient: reverence for God's Word. Being a person who wants to learn from God and knows where to go to hear from God is key. The one God esteems loves His Word; listens to His Word; and obeys His Word.

When you stop and think of it, life is pretty simple and straight forward. If I desire God's "Well done, good and faithful servant" I need to focus on two things: cultivating a heart that is humble/contrite/teachable AND feeding diligently on God's Word. These are not that difficult to grasp and God is very clear about how important they are to Him. So why do I have so much difficulty with them?

"Lord, my marching orders are clear. These must be the focus of life."

Tragic Miss

2010-04-04T16:15:00.001-04:00

Body: It is Resurrection Sunday and what a day it has been. I've had the incredible joy of preaching God's Word. Specific prayer has been answered as I have felt strong and been able to think clearly even though my body is "coming down" from the steroids. The Lord has additionally been so good to allow me to have my girls home for Easter. What a wonderful day this has been and I praise Him for the breath of life.

Spirit: Isaiah 65 "Tragic Miss" (Easter Morning)

God could not be clearer in this text about the sad condition, the eternal loss, the wasteful choice that most of Israel has made. God will always have His people and if rejected by the Jews (vs 2-7), the Gentiles will not miss it (vs 1). God is not done with Israel; there will be a remnant (vs 8-10), but for the majority, those who reject God, there will be judgment (vs 11-12). The tragedy is brought out powerfully in vs 13-16. Then, on top of that, they will miss the New Heavens and New Earth. There's so much more to their loss than just this life. Look at the blessings missed in their stubborn, tragic choice: new surroundings, longevity, health, security, joy, fulfillment, prosperity, peace & safety. But here's the best one: vs 24, "before they call I will answer, while they are speaking I will listen." There is no greater blessing than to be near God and known by God. And they will be close to His heart.

A passage like this sure brings me back to the stark realities of the daily choices I make. I miss so much more than I think when I stubbornly push my own way and agenda. I think I'm making things better, more secure, more prosperous, more just and fair. I'm really walking away from blessing and close relationship with Almighty God. How tragic is this daily repeated mistake which causes me to settle for scraps when the banquet is just around the corner.

"Dear Lord, on Resurrection Day, I yield to the power of Jesus to cleanse and order and arrange my life, that I might KNOW You and be known as one who KNOWS You...and hears from You."

The Prophet's Passion

2010-04-02T20:01:00.001-04:00

Body: Well, it is Good Friday evening and many of you have seen my new "do" at the services last night and today. We knew this was going to happen because I was told at my first chemo that 2 weeks in...the hair falls out! The "event" happened on Wednesday. I went to see Chuck, my barber for the last 30+ years, and told him it all had to go. He didn't want to do it...and it took several "comb & scissors" sessions and three different razors with several attachments each to get down to the "final product."

Thanks for praying. Energy has been good and appetite is strong. I just have a cold head!

Spirit: Isaiah 62:1 & 6-7 "The Prophet's Passion"

As I read this chapter, the personal investment of Isaiah struck me with great force. He was set apart by God and called to be a prophet, often despised and rejected, needing to do and say whatever the Lord directed. But here his passion for this calling comes out so clearly. "I will not be silent." "I will not remain quiet." "You who call on the Lord give yourselves no rest." "Give Him no rest until He establishes Jerusalem." That is the soul of one who is not just performing out of duty but has immersed himself in that calling. He eats, drinks, sleeps, lives and breathes that calling. That is the man God chooses and uses for His purposes and glory.

How much passion is left in my tank? Am I content with "auto pilot" or is the fire still in the belly to seek God's blessing and work hard at being a church prepared for God's blessing to come? Is there drive to continue to preach, love people, challenge, be patient with and shepherd people? Am I committed to motivating people and disciplining/confronting God's people? "I will not keep silent." "I will give Him no rest until He establishes Calvary as the church He desires it to be."

"Dear Lord, I'm no Isaiah, but his passion stirs me deeply. Renew my energy and commitment to Your call on my life...as long as You lend me strength and breath. Amen."

"In His Time"

2010-03-30T17:26:00.002-04:00

Body: Today was the second of six chemo treatments. I arrived about 8:30 am and left about 3:00 pm. Some of that was "wait" time between blood drawing, waiting for results, getting the chemo ready, etc. All went very smoothly...they got a good vein on the first try! I did notice that my hair is starting to go...really fast. I'll be a cue ball by Sunday...should be an interesting day!

Spirit: Isaiah 60:22 "In His Time"
This chapter describes the glory that Israel will one day know. The splendor and blessing that will be poured out are breathtaking. Israel has known so much pain, rejection and despair (vs 15)...but God says a day will come when that will no longer be the case (millennium)! The very presence and glory of the Lord will be their light and blessing (vs 19-21). As the chapter closes God says, "I am the Lord; in its time I will do this swiftly." Centuries have come and gone but there is no fulfillment of this...nor is it at all in sight today. But God says it WILL happen, and when it does, it will happen swiftly.

Isn't God like that in our lives as well? We wait, fret, think...and then He acts with amazing speed. I think of the hour long TV program and see I am 47 minutes into it with no possible solution in sight. And then, in the last 3 minutes, it all falls into place (and they live happily ever after).

The Lord is the master of timing for my life. When I fret because things aren't happening fast enough, I "push" Him and inevitably mess things up. I waste precious time, energy, resources, lose my joy and question my loving Creator. Let's face it, I'm a control freak! I want a timetable and a schedule. I want things to go uniformly so that I feel comfortable.

And He says to me, "Grow, Dave, trust, wait! I know what I'm doing."

I don't know if I'll ever get that one down fully, but the lesson in that phrase is so powerful for me, "...in its time I will do this swiftly." He goes according to His plan and when the time is right, He can and will act with lightning speed.

"Lord, I do struggle so much with Your time schedule. It "ought" to be more uniform and predictable! I praise You for Your sovereignty, Your absolute control...and that You exercise that sovereignty in grace and love in dealing with weak but determined and impetuous lumps of clay. Help me to trust Your timing in all things...especially with the challenge I face right now."

Previous "Points Along The Road"

2010-03-24T21:30:00.002-04:00

Body:
It was July 2007 when I was diagnosed with non-Hodgkin's lymphoma, a slow growing cancer of the lymph system. CT scans every 3-4 months revealed little or no change until September 2009. At that point four infusions of Rituxan effectively treated the cancer as revealed by a December CT scan. A follow-up CT scan on March 3 revealed that the disease had progressed rapidly and in an uncharacteristic manner. A biopsy was scheduled for March 9 and by March 12 the doctor confirmed that the cancer was aggressive and would need to be treated aggressively.
After a heart test on March 15, the first chemo treatment took place on March 16. This was to be the first of what will be six treatments fourteen days apart followed by a week of intensive chemo.

Spirit: (From my journal March 16, the first day of chemo )
Isaiah 49:23 "Hope Does Not Disappoint" (the title of this blog)

What an incredible gem is placed in this text. I'm reading along and WHAM! There it is. What a promise: confidence placed in God is rewarded. Trust in God is never a mistake. It is general enough to apply broadly but specific in its result. He doesn't say what He will do in each situation, but we won't be disappointed. That's so consistent with His character and the "exceeding abundant" provision He promises (Eph 3:20-21).

It is also consistent with His sovereignty. This "better than expected" result doesn't occur by chance or because of a last minute scramble. No, it occurs because He is intimately involved in every detail of life (see Isa 49:1-6). The outcome is better because the knowledge and preparation BY GOD are better.

Why wouldn't a person be willing to trust One who can make that kind of promise?

I have a specific issue in mind as I live out this day. Today chemo begins. My hope is in the Lord for so much more than the physical outcome. It includes my family growth, my character growth, the staff growth, the leadership team and church growth. While I do care deeply about the physical results, my heart sees so much more...and He will NOT disappoint!

"Thank you, Lord, for the chance to live this day and face these challenges with hope because I am your child. And Lord, I trust it all to you and wait for your promise to be fulfilled. I know I will not be disappointed. In Jesus' name I pray this, Amen."